Blended Families

To go or not?

SD (age 3) has an "observation session" for her ballet class at the end of February. It's 30min long & parents/grandparents are invited. SD is scheduled to be with us that week so FI is taking her & BM will meet them there to watch. Both sets of grandparents are going.

FI asked me today if I would be & I don't know what is best. I feel that what BM, FI or myself feels about the situation is irrelevant & should depend on what SD would want. She & I are very close but given her young age she wouldn't realize I wasn't there as I've never been the one to take her to dance; one BM or FI. But at the same time to say BM hates me would be the understatement of the year. We went through a family court evaluator this past year b/c BM objected to 90% of what the court order stated...and used me for almost all her reasonings. I'm afraid she'll act irrational in front of the SD & SS as well as the other parents/children.

 Would you go to the recital?

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: To go or not?

  • Yes, she might be 3 but I bet she would notice if you were not there, especially if she and you are close. If BM acts a fool, that is on her, and she will only  make herself look stupid.
  • Yes I would go because it's about your SD and not the BM.  Just go and show that you are more mature than she is, you don't even have to speak to her.  If she makes a scene don't feed into it.  It will be painfully obvious who the ignorant one is in the situation.
    Misty & Victor Jr. Married August 5, 2006 - St. John, USVI BFP 11/1/09 - Natural M.C. 11/30/09
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  • Something I forgot to mention, which may or may not matter, is the BM & I have never met or spoken over the phone. She knows I exist & has known for the past 2 years. She hears all sorts of stuff from SD & SS about me, my job & the things we do together when they our staying with us. About a year ago we had a couple "situations" where she would create fake facebook accounts (felt like it was high school all over again) and would message me saying how horrible FI was & how I was just "a dumb little girl" who didn't know anything b/c I wasn't a mother. She has refered to me in front of the children when speaking to FI as "his bimbo" and worse. Because of this drama I've opted out of being present for exchanges or accompanying him to court during the final stages of the custody agreement. Just didn't want her to make a scene...

     Would that change your decision?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Nope. BM refers to me almost exclusively as that whore (you know, cause I did NOT break up their marriage and all) or that slut. We have not spoken in about 4 years, and there have been quite a few scenes (her acting like a fool trying to break down my door, screaming. Me locked inside house, getting out the vodka), one leading to the cops being called on her stupid ass.
  • imagexmaryrickx:
    Nope. BM refers to me almost exclusively as that whore (you know, cause I did NOT break up their marriage and all) or that slut. We have not spoken in about 4 years, and there have been quite a few scenes (her acting like a fool trying to break down my door, screaming. Me locked inside house, getting out the vodka), one leading to the cops being called on her stupid ass.

     Wow, just when I thought I was alone in the craziness I found this board! Lol.

     Do you think I should ever just suck it up & "meet" her? My thoughts where to be present at an exchange but not speak unless spoken to. I guess my thoughts were if she saw me she'd get the hint that FI & I are a team. As it stand now FI picks SC up from her house & she, in turn, picks them up from our house (where I stay inside).

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I say go and be as civil as you can. If she starts acting like a freak dont go down to her level, switch seats. Kids are smart... they'll see who's really acting inappropriate
  • Personally, I would go to show support the little girl. I would not say a word to her and if she causes a scene, let her know it is a public place and you are there to support X. Ignore her from that point on. Do not let her goad you. She will make herself look like an idiot.
  • Not at all.  BM has posted lies about me and my family as well and she hates that when the kids are with us we travel, go to shows and do all the things she is not able to so I'm sure she's blasting us to them.  We don't live in the same state so have never met formally but that will be happening very soon.  We have spoken over the phone numerous times and in the beginning used to exchange emails (back when I thought she was sane).  I still say go to the show, make your presence and place in SD life known.  Smile, stand and applaud and take photos right along with all the other parents.
    Misty & Victor Jr. Married August 5, 2006 - St. John, USVI BFP 11/1/09 - Natural M.C. 11/30/09
  • I vote that you go. FSD will appreciate and remember it.
  • My son is 4 and he does rememember all sorts of weird things from when he was 3. Since you are close you certainly don't want her remembering looking for you & not being able to find you. I would sit far far away from that biotch and if she approaches you (i'm sure she will be looking for you) and tries top start anything  just say something like "There is no need for your ridiculous behavior right now. I am here to see my step-daughter dance her heart out. Thank you for acting like an adult." I love to kill with kindness & sass at the same time. Good luck & take lots of pictures of that princess!
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  • Thanks everyone for the advice & reassurance. I shared with FI my thoughts on going & at that point MIL spoke up saying she thinks I'm nuts for "stirring the pot" with my presence. She's convince BM's parents will make a scene if their daughter doesn't. It's a small Rec Council classroom where the kids dance so keeping wide berth may become difficult.

     Why oh why must there be crazies in our lives?!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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