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Adopting Stepchildren but cant find BM(QUESTION/VENT)
DH wants me to adopt his 2 children because there BM is not involved in there life in any way shape or form. The problem is we have to get her to sign some documents which give me custody and adoption of his kids even though he has full custody of them himself. She is gone MIA no phone, no e-mail or anything and she lives in Bowie MD. DH knows by sight where her apartment is but not the physical or mailing address... its frustrating to me because DH mother does not understand Dh directions to her apartment or cares to look for her grandkids Bm. What are ways I can look for her without going to MD
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Re: Adopting Stepchildren but cant find BM(QUESTION/VENT)
Where are your kids currently living? If DH knows "by sight" where the apartment is, can he not just drive past and get the address? or drop the paperwork off in her mailbox? It isnt your DH's mothers responsiblity to find the kids... while it would be nice of her, don't be angry that she doesnt want to help.
Check with your states laws on abandonment... If she has "abandoned them" you could adopt without her consent... I BELIVE so. Not definite!
Good luck to you!
He might just have to drive up to MD and find her, and I will look into the abandonment thing because I think she did abandon them and he got custody of her. The kids live his mother right now until the school year over then they coming to live with us permanately.
See if he can navigate to her house on Google Earth -- they have "Street View" now in some areas, where you can view cameras taken from the street and look directly at someone's front door (and address).
Otherwise, your only other choices are probably either going there yourselves or hiring a PI. Good luck!
Adoption is quite a bit more complicated than signing some documents. As frustrating as it seems, this BM has a legal right to her children and you have a HUGE burden of proof to overcome that. Those documents have to be signed in court. They just can't be dropped off and mailed back. The court has to be satisfied that it is in the children's best interest to have their BM's rights terminated or surrendered. So that involves lawyers, law guardians, social workers, home visits, and home studies, and recommendations by all of those people to the court. Its expensive and time consuming. Even if the BM shows up in court and signs the documents - the judge cans STILL not approve it.
Abandonment is a grounds for terminating her rights (involuntarily) ... but (this is going to be frustrating to hear) you have to prove that she had access and chose not to "have anything to do with them". The burden is on you, not her. And proving it is hard.
And very, very, very few people surrender their rights. Parents who want nothing to do with their children, don't want to surrender. And what if you contact her and she says "Nope, but I do want to visit". What then?
I'm a little frightend for you in that you don't seem to understand the scope of the situation you are in. This is SO MUCH bigger than a drive to MD and getting her address.
I don't know how much has changed but I can tell you what my mom had to do.
When she married my dad and my dad wanted to adopt my sisters. My mom didn't know where her ex was living. She knew it may be in San Antonio or Las Vegas. The attorney told my parents that they need to put an ad in both SA and LV newspapers saying they are looking for ex so he can terminate parental rights. I believe they had to do that for several months. If by 6 months nothing was heard from him the courts terminated the rights for him. If he did respond..the court battle would ensue.
In the end...he saw the ad's but still never responded. They terimatenated his rights and my dad took over.
Help me out here-- they live in MD with his mom? Why don't you two have them?
I don't kow how it works in GA or MD, but my DH just adopted my DD's. It was a very long and tiresome journey, but they are much better now.
First we had to get the "sperm donor" to give up his rights. Once he found out he didn't have to pay child support (even though he didn' anyways) he had no problem with signing the papers.
We started our quest in January of 2007 with our family lawyer, but it didn't end there. Home visits by the state social workers, DH had to be interviewed by probation officers, we all had to have our finger prints taken. DD's had to be interviewed. Family members had to be interviewed. Finally March of 2008, we went to court - took 1/2 with the Judge and it was offical. We had to get new birth certs; new SS cards; new Driver licenses; contact the schools and about anything else you would have to do when you change your name.
Good luck to you, but know that this will not happen overnight, and if you don't get "outstanding reviews' on any of the paperwork it may not happen, and it does cost quite a bit of coins (not that when it's that important it matters)
You can hire an investigator to locate her. DH can drive to Bowie to locate the apartment. You have to put in an honest Good Faith effort to locate her first, and if he knows where she lives he should be able to locate her easily. It's not as simple as putting an ad in the paper, sadly. Not if you know or have some way of finding out a way to locate and contact her. Notice by Publication is a last attempt, not a first or a primary.
You'll have to file a petition to sever parental rights and serve notice to her. If she doesn't respond, you will have an opportunity to serve by publication. If she doesn't respond to the notice by publication then you can request a default severance of rights and proceed with the adoption.
An attorney should be able to help you with all of this. Good luck to you.
I know how GA works. I've already consulted a lawyer to find out how best to proceed with pete's adoption. We hire the lawyer, he places ads in the paper and files. If fathead answers, he will have to prove to the judge he has good reason not to have been around lately. Most likely the judge won't give two sh!ts about his excuses and allow the adoption to proceed. He's never met my son, never seen him, never supported him and pete is seven.
If he doesn't answer after a certain period of time and a certain number of ads, the judge will sign off on it. The lawyer told me he doesn't forsee any problem getting this done. My bank account, however, strongly disagrees so it's been pushed to the back burner for now.
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