Must vent about DH and SS
Ilumine
member
SO...SD is here, which has been wonderful....but makes SS a bit more testy (sibling rivalry and all).
So yesterday, @ 11am, while we do the initial feast prep, we are all watching old CSI NY reruns. SS asks mentions (no outright asking, mind you) that he wants to play guitar hero. We usually keep the WII in his room, but with SD here, we all wanted to be able to play together.
After the episode was over, SS DICTATES that he was going to play. DH says ok, you can go ahead an play guitar hero. And we all go our separate ways, because no one really wants to watch one person play a game.
DH goes into the living room to see SS on the WII internet messing around with his MII(?). DH asks him what he is doing, and he got a bit belligerant. He would only reply in one word sentences and not really answer the questions. DH was a) concerned that he was on the internet, which costs us money and b) that he was doing something other than guitar hero, which made us ALL have to leave the room so HE could play.
When DH tried calmly to explain that he just wanted DH to not mess around so that the entire family would not be inconvenienced so HE could play an exclusionary game.
Was it necessary of my DH to do this, of course not. A quick - "Hey Son, no internet and you either need to play the Guitar Hero or turn it off" was all that was needed.
But no, it became a debate between them. Which in turn sent SS into his room for a fit. Which we tried to ignore - as our therapist has directed.
But then DH gets the guilts (I guess), and goes in to try to talk the boy out of the snit. That only gives the boy what he wants. He gets attention and an opportunity to get out of trouble by making this about DH.
And as usual, he starts goading DH into getting physical with him. And as usual, that gets DH's goat up. And he now wants to punish SS for being insolent.
The thing is, the disrespectful attitude and comments do need to be addressed, but damnit - the boy would not GET that far if we stop giving into his needs for attention, he would stop having the fits.
IT is really as simple as that. Just ignore him and he will learn that the yelling, screaming and name calling is pointless.
And what is worse, DH first tells him that his punishment for the disrespect is a full restriction for the entire weekend (which is a punishment for US too). Then he gives SS an alternative = to write "I will not disrespect my parents" 2000 times.
SS goes overboard over how awful THAT would be and that he will never be able to finish it before the end of the day....oh woes is me.
So DH GIVES IN AGAIN and tells SS that he just needs to write it, front and back on two pages.
So what did SS learn here?
1) That screaming, yelling and using nasty words will get him attention from Dad
2) That Dad has buttons that can be pushed to will get SS out of real trouble.
3) That Dad has no backbone or follow through.
And I have to deal with DH's anger and hurt, I have to deal with the hour long scream fest, I have to deal with the almost smug aftereffects with SS, who immediately got over everything when he was done writting and acted as if nothing had happened.
And DH wonders why I am starting to pull back from both the parenting AND the boy in general.
Re: Must vent about DH and SS
P.S. the Mii is your little Wii avatar. No internet involved. Kinda like if our profile pics were adjustable. Just for future reference. Also, maybe you might think about getting rock band so you all can play.
But other than that, they were both rat finks and your H needs to get a grip to keep this situations from escalating the way they always do. You could always toss them in the backyard for a cage match, winner takes all.
Click me, click me!
I am telling you......TESTOSTERONE STINKS. This need from BOTH of them to be right is getting on MY last nerve.
And do not think that I did not lay into my DH about it later, when he was calmer.
Seriously!