Jodi...

amiamish

Just curious... do you talk to your IRL friends about you and joe? What do they say about it?

Jodi&Joe

I do.

And they tread lightly! 

They can't say too much ---- he IS my husband after all.  Which is why I find here refreshing --- although sucks because you guys only hear my side, and not his.

Which, for the most part, is true for my friends as well.

Anyway --- they will just support me no matter what I decide.  My best friend just told me the other night, "let me know if you are going to move in.  I was thinking about it and you could have the two upstairs rooms......"

I know that they would (selfishly) like me to be more available to see them.  Right now, I don't see them often since I don't want to ruffle Joe's feathers and he hates when I go out.  I could go on and on and on.....

but I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about it.

amiamish

Hmm... Well. What about a separation? Not a divorce, but just separate for say... a week? two? and then meet up and talk about your new thoughts on being together (or not)...

And FWIW-- DH used to get "annoyed" when I wanted to go out but I went anyway and he got over it.

Jodi&Joe

I have been going anyway.

But I know that my actions (such as those) just make him even more miserable.  It freaking sucks!

I think I'm afraid that if I separate, I will never look back!!!!!

amiamish

You need to stop thinking about HIM only. You need to think of your happiness and Joey and Cams...Would you want Cam staying in a marriage like you are in? What would you tell her if she was in your situation??

Jodi&Joe

I would tell her to do whatever is necessary to be happy ---- but to think long and hard before making any decisions as marriage is a committment that should not be taken lightly.

THAT is what I'm struggling with.  Are these things REALLY divorce worthy?  Am I giving up too soon? 

On the flip side, I'm so freaking sick of him bringing me down.

amiamish

How long have things been "bad" ? How long are you supposed to keep trying?

Jodi&Joe

Things started going downhill once we had Joey and things plummetted once we had Cam.  We have never recovered from having her.  It's been 2.5 years of marriage hell.  Don't get me wrong, there have been some REALLY good times in there --- but more bad than good.  Or is that just the way I'm programmed to remember things??? 

*I* have finally come up for air, so to speak, and I feel as though *I* am doing SOOOO much better.  Joe, not so much.

Then again, he hasn't really changed all that much.  He's always been this way --- I just always "went with the flow" so there wasn't much to worry about (for him or me).  *I* am the one that has changed --- I know that.  And that's not really "fair" to him --- but I couldn't stay the person I was.  I was drowning, slowly but surely. 

amiamish

Wow-- so at least 2.5 years of "getting by." I'm sorry, that sucks. ((HUGS)) And you are taking care of Jodi right now-that's good, and you deserve that!!! Sounds like Misery(joe) loves company and that's why he is keeps being a debbie downer. You need to stay out of that misery and keep your head up-- who knows, maybe your positive outlook will rub off on him. If not--- eh. You tried.

Oh-- and you have tried A LOT--- I remember you posting about trying sex everyday for x amt of days...worked at the moment, but not in the long run. You've tried therapy--guess that wasn't working, since ya'll stopped...?

When is HE going to put a little effort in this marriage? It takes TWO to make a marriage work, you can't do it alone and you can't MAKE him happy.