What upsets you most about other SAHMs? — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

What upsets you most about other SAHMs?

What have you heard, read and/or personally experienced that upsets you most about other SAHMs or just other moms in general since becoming a mom yourself?

 

eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

Re: What upsets you most about other SAHMs?

  • I've encountered some competitiveness amongst other SAHMs: every conversation is a 1-up from them: MY child is counting, MY child is already potty-trained, MY child slept through the night way before yours, etc., etc. and I think it's just silly because we can all learn so much from each other and motherhood doesn't come naturally to everyone so, most of us need a little support and encouragement, not to be made to feel like we are failing in this "competition".

     

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • I get very annoyed at the sahm's that complain constantly about feeling frumpy and they can never get out of the house and never find time to clean the house, blah, blah, blah...  This may sound insensitive, but get your tush up out of bed before ds, take a shower, get all pretty, pack up for the day and go somewhere fun!  Working Moms have to be presentable, pack up their child for the entire day away from home, then come home, cook dinner, clean up everything ds used at the sitters all day long, clean the house, then repack everything up again just to start over the next day.   If they are lucky, they get to sleep straight through the night so they are not a walking zombie at work the next day.

     

    I know staying home can be very challenging in and of itself , but seriously... make it an adventure! 

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  • image funday:

    I get very annoyed at the sahm's that complain constantly about feeling frumpy and they can never get out of the house and never find time to clean the house, blah, blah, blah...  This may sound insensitive, but get your tush up out of bed before ds, take a shower, get all pretty, pack up for the day and go somewhere fun!  Working Moms have to be presentable, pack up their child for the entire day away from home, then come home, cook dinner, clean up everything ds used at the sitters all day long, clean the house, then repack everything up again just to start over the next day.   If they are lucky, they get to sleep straight through the night so they are not a walking zombie at work the next day.

     

    I know staying home can be very challenging in and of itself , but seriously... make it an adventure! 

    Ditto.  I've been both a SAHM and a working mom, and SAH is so freakin easy!  We don't have to work!  How dare anyone complain, thank your H for working so hard and just enjoy your day.

    Disclaimer - just Hs are jerks.  Those ones don't get a thank you :)

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  • Nothing really upsets me about them, but I have to laugh when SAHMs have "no time" to clean or cook but post about it on The Nest.  Or when they say their job is to care for the kids, not the house.. I just wonder what they do all day?  haha
  • Yea... what bugs me... And the thing is, it's not just directly linked to being a SAHM, but other people as well...  When other people think SAHM's are sitting on their butts eating bon bons all day long watching soaps, Oprah, etc.... 

    Honestly, life was FAR easier when I was working.  I'd do the same routine of getting DD and myself ready, but when I was working I'd then take her to the sitters, go to work, pick her up and still be refreshed because she's not the only interaction besides DH in the course of a day.  We're midway in moving to our new house so I'm a handywoman (DH does NOT go near the powertools at our house and fixing/maintaining/upgrading two properties is NOT an easy task), a lawncare service, lumberjack (Yes, women CAN run a chainsaw and splitter), cleaning lady, and, and, and have time to keep a routine such that I still get nap time to keep some level of sanity (notice there isn't any time for TV watching in there, and computer time is multitasked)....  It was SO much easier to be able to afford to make a call to someone to do all these projects when the money was around to be able to hire this stuff out!  Like I said in the beginning, it's not just other SAHM's but people in general... 

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  • after i had DD i really couldn't figure out how to juggle it all, BFing, take care of DD all day at home by myself AND cleaning and cooking.  it took me about 3 months to get it figured out!  lol  so i get annoyed when people said it was a walk in the park or just figured i had every second of the day to just drop everything and clean or cook. 

    but i do agree,  you should be able to do all that.  for some of us it just takes a little longer to figure it out is all.  lol

     

  • image rjbear21:

    after i had DD i really couldn't figure out how to juggle it all, BFing, take care of DD all day at home by myself AND cleaning and cooking.  it took me about 3 months to get it figured out!  lol  so i get annoyed when people said it was a walk in the park or just figured i had every second of the day to just drop everything and clean or cook. 

    but i do agree,  you should be able to do all that.  for some of us it just takes a little longer to figure it out is all.  lol

     

    Agreed 100%!  I have but distant memories of the first three months... I was in SURVIVAL MODE!  As long as he was fed, changed, clean, happy - my job was complete!  Once he got older, I learned to juggle it all, though!

  • The number one thing that bugs me is when SAHMs don't have anything else to talk about except their kids. I know that is on the top of our minds, but I make an effort to have a life outside of my son. It also annoys me when they can't ever seem to get away for a girls night or get a babysitter. I mean, you're home with your child every day. Getting a sitter once in awhile. You can even put them to bed and then meet your friends out if you have issues with bedtime...which is the excuse I get from one particular friend. I also agree with pp. It bugs me too when people say they never cook or clean...that's a big part of this SAHM job. How can you just say you don't do it?
  • image axr8111:
    The number one thing that bugs me is when SAHMs don't have anything else to talk about except their kids. I know that is on the top of our minds, but I make an effort to have a life outside of my son.

    I agree.  I make an effort to still remain good friends with my single and child-free girlfriends, and there are a lot of times where I just don't feel like talking about my kid and would much rather hear about whatever mindless drunken hookup they had the night before. 

  • I'm only a temporary SAHM, but I found I like being a working mom better.

    And what bugs me is that some of the SAHM's I know think they are saving the world by raising the "perfect" child.  That only working moms raise the "bad seeds."

    Diagnosed with PCOS June 2004 Abby born 2/2007 and Ally 3/2009 image http://Life In Sublurbia.blogspot.com
  • The competitiveness, and the need to tell other moms how to raise their kids!!!  DH and i do things a little different than alot of people we know..we don't CIO, we coslept for a year, etc..and we have taken SO MUCH FLACK. And most of it from other moms. Not just SAHM's but some of them have been the worst ones! I have one "friend" who compares her DS to mine every chance she gets. It's ridiculous.

    Another thing that drives me bananas is complaining about pregnancy and/or compaining about HAVING to take care of your kids. I had an extremely difficult (5 mo. bedrest) pg, and was in terrible pain and I was beyond THRILLED because I didn't know if we would ever get pg. So it drives me insane when people complain about the little things..or complain about their kids..Those are your most precious jewels people!!!  Cherish them! Whew..thanks for letting me get that out girls.

  • image ithadtobeyou:

    The competitiveness, and the need to tell other moms how to raise their kids!!!  DH and i do things a little different than alot of people we know..we don't CIO, we coslept for a year, etc..and we have taken SO MUCH FLACK. And most of it from other moms. Not just SAHM's but some of them have been the worst ones! I have one "friend" who compares her DS to mine every chance she gets. It's ridiculous.

    Another thing that drives me bananas is complaining about pregnancy and/or compaining about HAVING to take care of your kids. I had an extremely difficult (5 mo. bedrest) pg, and was in terrible pain and I was beyond THRILLED because I didn't know if we would ever get pg. So it drives me insane when people complain about the little things..or complain about their kids..Those are your most precious jewels people!!!  Cherish them! Whew..thanks for letting me get that out girls.

    Fellow cosleeper here!  How did your little one transition to his own room?  I'm really dreading the day that he is no longerin our room (and in our bed half the night) - we love him close by!

  • image TobeMrs.Shavers:

    I've encountered some competitiveness amongst other SAHMs: every conversation is a 1-up from them: MY child is counting, MY child is already potty-trained, MY child slept through the night way before yours, etc., etc. and I think it's just silly because we can all learn so much from each other and motherhood doesn't come naturally to everyone so, most of us need a little support and encouragement, not to be made to feel like we are failing in this "competition".

     

    I've only met one SAHM who is competitive like that. She also had the nerve to offer me her old daily routine (as if my routine was bad).

    Some other SAHM's also try to brag about their financial status. 

    As far as some of the pp's, as a SAHM, I do get myself together nicely, spend quality time with DS, manage to keep the house in order and cook dinner.

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  • Well, I don't like hearing about SAHM's who send their kids to daycare (or "preschool" 5 days a week ALL DAY) because that's kind of defeating the point, right? 

    And sorry to offend anyone, but I am part of a large mom's group and gripe after gripe I hear is from the attachment parenting, co-sleeping parents about how they cannot get their kids to go to sleep.  It's frustrating to listen to them complain about how their kids will not fall asleep without them when they have taught them to only fall asleep next to mommy.  I agree with the whole AP philosophy, but eventually we all have to fall asleep alone.  And it only gets harder with 2.

    I agree it's not a competition and we can all learn from each other.

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  • When they SAH and become "experts" on being a parent.  I've been a mom for 12 years and I'm still learning.  Hell, I'm relearning stuff I forgot with 9 years between kids, lol.  Everyone has their own style, but don't judge mine because it's not in some book Wink
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  • I hate it when a certain person I know is a sahm and has no time to cook/clean to a point where the kids could be taken away by child servies. Ignores her kids and has the older one taking care of the younger one ( 6 and 2) because she needs "her" time. She goes and hides in her room reading and lets things just get worse. I can understand it makes her depressed but I have gone and helped her a couple of times and she dosent try to even keep it up. She needs help but dosent try to get any when they have medical and quite a resorce for babysitting. OH and had the little one in pre-school hoping they will potty train him for her. OMG, come on, get some help and take care of your precious little ones.
  • image rjbear21:

    after i had DD i really couldn't figure out how to juggle it all, BFing, take care of DD all day at home by myself AND cleaning and cooking.  it took me about 3 months to get it figured out!  lol  so i get annoyed when people said it was a walk in the park or just figured i had every second of the day to just drop everything and clean or cook. 

    but i do agree,  you should be able to do all that.  for some of us it just takes a little longer to figure it out is all.  lol

     

    hey 3 months is great! I wasnt even close to figuring out yet by then..I took a little longer..lol
  • This post made me sad!  To know that I'm being judged so critically for staying home and not having dinner prepared every day or having a clean house every day.  Don't get me wrong, the house is clean, but I don't worry about toys being put away by the time Daddy comes home... he doesn't either.  I also cook dinner, but not during the day. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old.  Honestly, I don't have time to do these things on a daily basis.  I barely have time to visit the bathroom.  My 3 month old is much more clingy than my 2.5 year old was, plus he barely naps during the day.  Combine that with a toddler who is always in need of something, and my time is consumed.  There's nothing I'd rather be doing than satisfying the needs of my boys, and I don't think it's so horrible that I make dinner AFTER hubby gets home and can help watch the kids.  Why should all of this be on us moms anyway?  My husband and I share household duties... and he readily admits he could never do what I do with the kids in a day!

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