OH MAN OH MAN!
Okay I have posted here before::
I have a couple of issues.. just need comments::
My SO daughter just started kindergarden this year and has been having behavior problems in school.
At first she was not listening in class. Now it a lot of other stuff.
First: She kissed a boy at nap time and got sent to the principal's office.. she was asked why did she do that he response, " well daddy kisses my Leann all the time" >>> She has never seen any tongue or anything, j ust goodbye kisses and what not.. But we decided it would be best just not to do it at all infront of her.
Second: She was "dirty dancing" infront of a boy in school. I've known her for a long time and she has always done this. I don't know where she learns it from. My SO decided she should not dance with shaking her butt anymore around the house.
Third: She smacks a boy on the butt at school.
This week: She was singing a song about "titties". My SO or me does not use that word, we prefer "boobs" and do not use that language around her.
I don't understand all of this ... its like she is "oversexed" as the teacher worded it, and I think I would have to agree.
WHAT CAN MY SO DO?
Re: OH MAN OH MAN!
Wow. Is she exposed to things around BM? I would be concerned, because sometimes "oversexed" behavior is a clue to sexual abuse. Yikes.
Aside from that, I think just having a talk with her and telling her when something is inappropriate is probably the best. Also, not having a reaction when she does it, other than talking about what's appropriate and what isn't is key.
First, I would be looking at where she is learning these things. As mentioned by pp it can be a sign of sexual abuse. More obviously, it is a sign that she is being exposed to some inappropriate behavior somewhere....daycare? other parents house? extended family? Who is she spending time with that you aren't a part of?
On the other side of it, I would be careful about just drawing such a restrictive line. Sometimes if you completely try to keep them from everything even remotely sexual (i.e. a normal, non-sexual kiss good-bye) it can increase the behavior because then it's something secret and forbidden. I would work with her on appropriate limits. She is old enouhg to understand that. She needs to be taught about appropriate and inappropriate touch, very clearly....as a precaution if there is any concern about abuse and to address the behaviors.
From what you described alone though I would not rush out to conclusions. It may be as simple as just being around an older kid that is inappropriate in a daycare situation or something like that. If she was being abused this would likely be accompanied by major emotional swings and other forms of acting out, or secluding herself from normal social behaviors.....you can look up the signs on line if you feel this may be a concern.
I don't know. I'm kinda wondering if the school isn't being overly cautious. She was shaking her toosh and kissed a boy and that was worth being sent to the principal?
If you are concerned, have her speak with a counselor outside of the school's influence and see if they notice anything.
Other than that, just tell her that she's too young to be kissing and that titties is not the appropriate word to be using.
Click me, click me!
I would have to agree with pp about it the concern regarding sexual abuse - but it could also be innocent.
Here is the thing for me though - you just need to talk to her. There is no need for you and your SO to not show affection to each other in front of her, however you need to sit down and explain it to her.
She is growing up and is obviously imitating things she is seeing and hearing but that also opens the door to a great discussion about relationships and what is appropriate for adults versus children, as well as what is okay in school versus at home and grown up words. I don't think this as a huge "acting out" problem but it does need to be addressed.
About the dancing it very may well be just a stage - my SD used to do that and we simply told her... let's not do that anymore we don't want to see you shaking your butt etc. It can be very innocent. Please don't get too freaked out or punish her without explaining why these things are not acceptable and she has the chance to learn.
I'm a little shocked at how many people said they think her bahavior is a sign of sexual abuse. I disagree. For a pre teen or teenager - maybe. But not a five year old. I think it's as simple as her being over exposed to adult media and behavior.
This girl can learn any and all of this from simply watching MTV or even CMT. Today's tv and movies wreaks of sex and inuendo.
I'd take a serious look at where she is when she's not in your presence, as well as your home. What is she being exposed to? Look into it. I'm willing to wager that's as simple as this problem is.
Now that's she's exposed, you need to work on teaching her what's appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and look at punishing her appropriately for her age when she behaves this way.
Jump on this NOW. Get a grip on it while you can.
J&K,
That absolutely is a sign of sexual abuse. In my social work classes it was one of the subjects we really focused on.
Unfortunately, these days, its best to err on the side of caution. Would you decide that its just a stage and find out later in life that she was abused? Its not difficult to ask questions without exposing her too much to come to a basic conclusion that you're being overly paranoid or not. Simply sitting down and asking where she learned the word "titties" or how she learned to dance like that may suffice. Just make sure she knows that she is NOT in trouble. Don't shame her into thinking she's done something wrong, or you'll have her clam up and refuse to tell you anything.