DH and secondary IF

teach05

I am really bummed this morning as I am spotting so AF is on the way.

How is your DH dealing with the IF?   My Dh does not see it as a problem as we have DD.  He thinks that I should not feel upset about IF as we already have a child.  It is still painful to me. 

 Thanks for letting me vent!   Dealing with this for 20 cylces is so tough.

Mr.&MrsS

For me it was the opposite, DH acted like he couldnt care less the first time and this time he is so much more involved. I think before we didnt know if we could have kids so he didnt want to get attached to the idea. And I was also an emotional WRECK last time, and this time I am much more stable. So I think he didnt know how to react to me last time. This time I think he is more of a wreck! He loves being a Daddy and cant wait to have another one. We were both only children and wanted siblings, so it is important to us to at least try for one more.

You can be very greatful and happy about DD and still want to add another baby to the family. Can you talk to DH and just let him know that while you love DD, you still need a little more support from him? Just let him know how you feel. Maybe he just needs to see it from a different light.

I am sorry AF is on her way...it is always such a bad day when that happens!

CMM05

I agree with Mr&Mrs.....can you tell him how you are feeling?? He probably doesn't know that its hurting you this badly. Did you get PG with DD on your own with his issues??? That's great!

My DH is pretty supportive, but this is the second time around for us. We just had a m/c in Sept (our 2nd one.....), so I think we are both a bit anxious. Although my DH is very supportive, he still says things like, "don't worry......the treatments worked last time so they will work again." And, he thinks b/c we have gotten PG twice on our own (both ended in m/c's....) that the treatments will definitely work. This bugs me and I constantly remind him that nothing is a guarantee....

(((HUGS))

itsmevkb

I heard from my husband quite a few times about how even if we never had another baby it would be fine since we have our son and how maybe we should not tempt fate and just be grateful and happy to have one child.  I think he honestly thought saying those things would make me feel better when in fact they just made me feel worse since the underlying implication is that I wasn't grateful for our son.  We got in a bit of a fight one morning about what treatments we should try, etc. and I just broke down and told him that my entire life I've wanted a whole bunch of children and how yes, I do love our son and yes, if we never have another he will be enough but how I couldn't give up yet on the hope of having more.  I want our son to have a sibling, I want to see him be a big brother.  I explained to him that I couldn't give up on my dream until I had tried everything there was to try.  If, after trying everything we could, we still weren't pregnant then I could deal with that but I never wanted to look back with regret that we didn't try harder.  For some reason that all made sense to him and things got better after that. 

Infertility hurts no matter what number child you are trying to conceive.  I wish you guys the best of luck with whatever you chose to do.

teach05

Yes, I did get pregnant with DD not knowing about DH issues.  I am feeling exacting like you all are saying.  I do need to talk more to my DH as I do think he says things thinking that it will make me feel better.  I just don't want him to feel bad as we both are IF, not just him.

 Thank you so much!!!!   The support really helps, and it is nice to have someone to talk to that understands.

hopeful14

My DH is the eternal optimist and it drives me completely insane! He seems to think that since we have gotten pregnant 4 times (3 m/c) we will get lucky again. We have one amazing DD. I just want a take home baby (?

Kim777

My DH is much more supportive this time. For a long time he really thought that there was nothing seriously wrong and that I just needed to be more patient. Even after we got the news about his MFI (from the OB) he still didn't take it seriously. Once we saw the RE and he laid everything out (under 1% chance of conceiving on our own, very doubtful we would conceive with IUI) DH started to realize how serious things were and he became a lot more supportive of being really proactive with treatments. That talk with the RE combined with me just sitting him down and explaining exactly how I felt did turn things around for us as far as him being more supportive. This time I think we have been better about sharing our feelings all along. We know we only have this one shot. We will not be able to do another fresh IVF cycle if the FET fails, so we have done a lot more communicating about our feelings and I think it has helped us both.

eta: Lol, I forgot why I was telling that long story! All that to say I hope you are able to sit down and talk to your DH about how you are feeling and that it will help you both! And I'm sorry about AF.

franciscaz

I'm in your boat (see rant below)!  HUGS!!!!  And yes you are right, for me at least I thought it would be easier but it isn't.  No way around it: IF SUCKS!

KMH912

I have underlying fears that if we do not get pg that DH will feel it's meant to be that way and that we already have 1 and that's going to have to be good enough. Whenever AF comes, he just hugs me and says it will happen when it's meant to.  But inside it still breaks my heart whenever AF starts.

adelepenguin

My DH is on board, but he keeps saying "I just want you to be happy."  I AM happy with him and our DS, but that doesn't mean I don't also want another baby.  I know that may not happen - but I don't think that if it doesn't I will never be happy. 

I know he is trying to be supportive, but I just wish he would come up with a different phrase.  Oh well.