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Parenting
Bad news from Big U/S
First of all, let me start off by saying that this is not horrible news and I realize that. It's just a disappointment. In the grand scheme of things, it will mean nothing.
I had my first doctor's appointment since my big U/S a couple of weeks ago. My OB told me that our son has a choroid plexus cyst. That's a cysts in the empty space around the brain where the spinal fluid is formed. It doesn't affect the brain at all and 90% of the time, they go away by 28 weeks. The only reason it is worrisome is because it could be a soft marker for trisomy 18 or 21. My doctor feels there is no reason to worry and doesn't even think it warrants an amnio because my NT, the rest of the U/S and my quad screen turned out so great. So this appears to be a stand alone anomoly and not part of a larger syndrome.
But I am feeling aweful about it anyway. Things are so different with this PG than with Katy. With Katy, I had zero symptoms or discomfort. Every single prenatal test had excellent results. She had the worlds easiest L&D and was a super easy newborn. I had the best of all circumstances when she was born and life was ideal.
This time around, the PG hasn't been that easy, I've had sleepless nights over my age (38), our financial situation has changed and we are not bringing this child into the same ideal setup Katy got. (DH works for GM and I work for a company that was just aquired by a larger competitor. I am a "redundant" employee and will probably be downsized when the transition is completed, about 10 days before I give birth. DH very well could be out of work around then, too)
So I feel like Katy had everything perfect and with DS, I am worried about my age, bad test results, finances and our living situation. I just feel horrible that I gave DD as ideal a start in life as anyone could imagine and this kid is getting nothing. Sometimes, I feel like I should have left well enough alone. As much as this baby is wanted, there are days when I really feel like we are pushing our luck by having another baby. And that sends me to a whole 'nother level of guilt.
Anyone else feel this way?
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Re: Bad news from Big U/S
I can understand where your coming from. The baby isn't going to know what he "isn't" getting as long as you love him unconditionally. ((hugs)) and good luck to you.
I think you are putting to much pressure on yourselves and too much weight on your situation. As long as this baby is born into a loving home, with parents who will care for him/her first, that is all that matters. Everything will work out and you will find a way to make ends meet. Money does not make you good parents, neither does the perfect situation.
I am so sorry you are stressing over this, but you will be a great mom to this baby because that is who you are.
I can't offer anything but (((((((HUGS)))))))
Your son will be loved by two wonderful parents and an adoring big sister. Regardless of anything else, he has everything he could ever ask for.
I don't know what to say except that the feelings you are having regarding everything are completely understandable. I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this right now.
Your baby is getting wonderful parents, a great big sister, and will be fortunate in ways that money can't buy.
Being 41 myself, I understand the feelings about age, and also with my job - I get that too. Do your best to hang in there. Try to stay positive and remember all of the great things you will be able to give your new baby.
I think things will work themselves out!
I see where you are coming from! Hugs!!
Shelter food and love are all a new baby needs, and you will be able to provide those things for your DS in spades. Babies don't care about expensive bedding, money, how old you are, etc. I completely get why you are stressed/worried, but please know that you will be giving your baby a wonderful start in life because he is so wanted and loved. He will never know all these other worries, and it will never affect the person he will grow up to be. Hang in there.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. If it helps I know several people that were told at the big U/S that there was a cyst as well and it went away on it's own at 28 weeks. My DH's cousin was told over and over that she should abort her 4th child because the doctors thought that she had a condition that was incompatable with life. She didn't abort her and 7 years later the child is still perfectly fine. I'm sure that the cyst is nothing, they happen frequently. Your situation with your home life and living situation will get better as well. This economy is a tough one but things will get better. I hope it will be sooner rather then later for you. All that being said though, as long as you love your DS then he will never know that his birth was during a time that was less then ideal. I hope you feel better soon......
Good Luck
I'm convinced that having that second baby adds this HUGE new level of guilt.... it's like any normal mommy guilt (oh no, we may not have jobs, my age may have an impact on this baby's physical and mental health). But then we add the firstborns experience and we do The Big Comparison.
My church has had the theme of gratitude this past month. What's most interesting is how gratitude is most prayerfully gained by being in the worst place in your life.... sometimes it is when our entire universe is rocked to its core that we end up having to shift everything we believed, everything we thought we valued, and reassess.
I spent the first five weeks of my second babies live bawling my eyes out, soaking her head, as we fell asleep... I had heart damage, didn't know if I would live, if I would have to get on drugs (and not be able to nurse), or whether the damage was not treatable by drugs. My entire universe shrunk to the couch, or sitting on a chair. I could not be alone with my kids (because I couldn't carry them) and had to depend on my husband or mom for EVERYTHING - feeding me, getting me things, handing me the baby...I felt so horrible that I was so sad for what should have been the happiest time with my new baby girl.
And yet live moves foward, and you live with a new sense of gratitude. In my case, knowing I had a wonderful husband, healthy children, AMAZING doctors, gave prayers of thanks to all the researchers who work so hard on peri and postparem cardiomyopathy so women can get diagnosed, treated, and hopefully live healthy lives. It made me realize that I have such an important role to play in my childrens lives and to do everything I can to share myself with them since we ultimately have NO idea when we will leave this earth.
Ugh, mom guilt is the worst. I went through similar emotions with my second pregnancy. We had sold our house and had to move in with my IL's while we waited on our current home, that was a foresclosure, to be listed on the market (and hope that no one else was interested in it). It was so stressful to not know where we were going to live, knowing that the baby could come at any time. Everything for #2 was in storage and I was so preoccupied with our living situation that I barely gave #2 much thought, except when I was hoping he would hang on for as long as possible. I felt so bad that I was so anxious for #1 to get here and was 100% prepared for him to come and was the complete opposite for #2. There was nothing ideal about our timing. #2 ended up coming the day we finally got our keys, but everything worked out fine. All your baby needs is you, your husband and daughter and your love. They don't know about any of that other stuff. I wondered too at times if I had pushed too hard for #2 to come when he did and maybe we should have waited, but now that I have him, I know it was absolutely the best decision in the world. You will feel the same way.
((hugs)) to you. Have faith it will work out! Good luck!