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Multiples
Mommy to twin girls, Ashlyn & Fiona, born at 34 weeks due to vasa previa.
Can I be a flamable snarky *** for a few minutes?
Maybe I am just super tired, maybe I am just beaten down, and I know I have cabin fever(we have freakin' snow here!!) but the posts about wanting to have twins REALLY annoy me. To the posters/lurkers who see this and fall into the "so how do I have twins" boat, I do not mean to offend you, I just have to be honest.
I love this board but sometimes I feel like we are under a microscope because people are so amazed about multiples, so they lurk and they think "oh what fun multiples must be". I know the vast majority of people come from a positive place but I am so over being in a fish bowl, being pointed to, being talked about in a whisper that can be heard across a loud restaurant.
Okay I'll play the role of the snarky *** today and I will go sit in the corner until I learn how to play nice with others.
Mommy to twin girls, Ashlyn & Fiona, born at 34 weeks due to vasa previa.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I be a flamable snarky *** for a few minutes?
We had a horrible night last night and I'm super tired so I will join you.
Sometimes I am rude to strangers but it's just that sometimes I would like to go somewhere with my kids and not be looked at like we are circus freaks. It's two babies people, it's not that big of a deal. Could I please just buy my groceries without having to answer 5,000 questions.
Amen, sister!
I just posted a not very encouraging reply to one of them... I really had to hold back, and I kept finding myself hitting the backspace key.
I know, it bothers me too. You are not being snarky :-)
I was telling DH the other day that I don't really mind all the stares and questions because I am a pretty outgoing person. I can't imagine how hard it is for a private, shy or not so outgoing person. How hard it must be!
amen, sister!
i have a friend who has twins that are two years older than my boys. it is hard for her. i saw the struggle firsthand, and sure, when i was in middle school and read "sweet valley high", i thought how cool it would be to have twins. (note: triplets are never on anyone's radar.) but after seeing how hard it really is, i decided no way, i didn't want twins. one at a time, thank you.
of course, now that i have my boys, i wouldn't want it any other way. but i never would have wished for the pregnancy i had, the money (and space) struggles we have now, the attention we get. i am sad that my boys will not know what it's like to just be normal kids. well, i hope i can give them that, but they'll always be "the triplets". and i wonder, how can i give them their own identities?
all i can say is, i'm so glad i have people here i can go to for advice and to vent to and to brag to and to listen to and to share what i've learned.
(oops, sorry for the novel.)
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
Blueladybug - I'm a very shy and introverted person. I can't even order pizza over the phone because I'm so ridiculously shy. It IS hard being such a freak show! I usually keep my head low, walk fast, and do my best to ignore all the people gawking at us.
But as much as I hate it, I find that I'm a terrible gawker when I see other twins when I'm out and about! I'll even stop the moms and make them talk to me... then I feel like a big fat jerk after, especially if I don't have my babies with me.
i admit that i am one of those people who wanted twins all my life. i don't even know why exactly because it started when i was so young. maybe because i didn't have a sister and i saw the bond between same sex twins that i met? who knows... probably Oprah. so i feel really lucky even though this bedrest thing is killing my body right now and i have no idea how i am going to pick up two babies at once.
i guess what really makes me sad is that i know someone expecting twins who does not want them and all she talked about before she left work is all the trouble and compications they can cause. so i guess i'd rather hear and see people wanting them than that. because that just really broke my heart.
of course i haven't been put in a fishbowl yet so maybe all this will change once they're born.
We struggle with this too - especially with family members.
*stands up, starts slow clap* clap......... clap.......clap...
AMEN!!!! God, I said to someone yesterday that twins aren't just two cute babies! Fork that. If anyone had any idea what multiples were really like from start to finish I don't think there would be a soul out there asking for them.
I would really love to hear how these "I want multiples" girls do once they get two screaming babies who won't sleep and then have to go to work in the morning, be greeted by their d!ckface boss, and take care of all of the babies (upper management) at work as well. this is the kind of day I'm having.
If you want twins, it's ok to hope or pray for them, but anything else (unless medically necessary for another reason) turns me off. When I was on bedrest I was talking to my grandmother on the phone for an hour or so everyday, and one of the things she told me was that when she was having kids she prayed and prayed for twins. Her mother had twins and one died in birth, and my grandparents married late and really wanted a big family. Anyway, she really wanted twins, and was apparently disappointed that she never had them. But my grandmother had diabetes, and even though they didn't know what it was, she almost certainly had untreated gestational diabetes (my uncle was 13 lbs at birth). If my grandmother had twins they would have been at really high risk because of the untreated GD, the non-existance of ultrasounds, instructions from her doctor to gain less than 15lbs each pregnancy, etc. If her prayers for twins had been answered, it's very possible that she or they wouldn't have made it. I truly believe that her prayers for twins were answered in having twin grandchildren and twin greatgrandchildren. She died when the girls were 6 weeks old, she had been sick for awhile, and several of my family members think that she hung on long enough to see her first greatgrandchildren born and baptized.
Not that I have any experience with people staring because I am only 11 weeks pregnant. But I can say that it does make me upset when people that have no fertility issues want to do IVF or fertility drugs just to have more then one baby at a time ( ANGELINA JOLIE). We did IVF but only because I am 27 and have hormones of a 50 yr old, blocked tube, ectopic preg, high fsh, endometriosis, and a low ovarian reserve. So that being said... we knew the chances of multiples, but we let the doctor make the call since he knew the egg quality, ect. We put back two and are pregnant with twins. Is the "fish bowl" thing that common? ?I guess I never have paid attention because I was having IF problems of my own.?
?Although I can say that I have already had my vets office ask if twins run in my family. I can see that question getting really old really fast. lol
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Melissa
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Okay I feel better, now we are a bunch of meanies and I am not alone
Amen to saying that twins arent just two cute babies. I love my girls to pieces but sometimes I think about what they are missing out on-the separate identities, being the solo center of attention, and all the other issues that emerge with multiples.
lmao... oh just you wait. Every.single.idiot you pass will have to stop you, take a hold of your stroller, touch your babies, ask you how you got pregnant, ask you if they run in the family, say 'double trouble', We were in Ann Taylor last week and the fuucking manager took ahold of Lilly's hands! Do NOT touch my children! Someone has a sign on their stroller that says "please do not touch' or something like that, maybe invest in one of those before the babies come. Oh and, the comments you will hear about your pregnancy are as follows, "OMG you are so HUGE!!" " Are you sure there are only two in there? How much weight have you gained? Can your husband stand to look at you? Are you scared to push out two babies? etc.....
That happens to me all the time! I feel bad for my friends and their DC because people end up gawking at us. Some of my friends are amused and some get annoyed on my behalf.
Seriously... Once I had to move to IVF, the thought of twins scared me, but I thought, hey, I'll take two for the price of one. But, would I much rather have been able to have my two little darlings on at a time? To quote Sarah Palin, "you betcha!"
Oh, and if I'm having a bad day, I have NO patience for the gawkers who want to stop and talk to the twins... I don't mind the nice ones who simply say "awww, how cute.. twins" but I can't stand those who say, "bless your heart, you have your hands full..." For those of you from the south, you know that, "bless your heart" is anything but an endearing statement LOL!
These days, people keep asking me if they're twins because DS is so much bigger...
I agree - We had twins to to IVF and my age (37). There were no guarantees that either follicle would "stick" - and there was a higher chance of twins because of this.
Let me tell you when we found that both hearts were beating we were elated but in truth a little scared too. Two kids AT ONCE. This is a HUGE undertaking (not to mention triplets, quadruplets, etc.....
We were hopeful just to be able to carry to term. It wasn't an Angelina Jolie moment.
The fishbowl thing is ridiculous. I have yet to take my babies anywhere where people have not stopped to stare or to ask questions. Why can't I just buy my groceries and leave, why do I have to be a freak show? My favorite question is if they are both boys, when I have Lexi dressed in pink and flowers. When I say no, 1 boy, 1 girl, they ask if Ben is the girl.
The best was this weekend when we were at IKEA. We stopped in the kitchen section to feed them. One of the workers walked up and stared for a while and then finally after asking if WE could help her with something, she asked if they were twins. Yep, thanks. Then she followed it up with my second favoirte question, are they identical. It takes everything I have not to laugh. She finally told us she knew they weren't identical, because they have different ears. Thanks lady, glad to know that is why they aren't identical!
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LOL, what do you say to people? Is it mainly women that approach you? Why do people think they can touch your kids? Do you carry hand sanitizer? lol. I am sooo glad there are forums like this so that I know what to expect. Again, I am not that far along but I was asked what the difference was with 2 instead of 1???? WTF. Like it will be a walk in the park and I won't notice 2 babies kicking me, or the m/s or the fact that it is high risk and it is 2 babies!!!!! ?LOL.?
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Melissa
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What pea-kay said pretty much sums up what I was thinking (though obviously not the "triplets" part, and this from the perspective of a prego-twin mama rather than someone whose babies are already out there).
I have had SO many friends tell me, "Oh wow you're so lucky, I was really hoping for twins!" Or "I've always wanted twins" or "I've been praying for twins," and I really have to bite my tongue to avoid giving them a reality check. I definitely wanted my babies one at a time, but I had to choose between taking Clomid (with its 8% chance of multiples) or most likely being childless, so ...
And while I get some "Wow you're big!" comments I seem to get more of hte, "You're not very big for twins" or "I was that big with just one baby!" etc. and those actually annoy me, too. Because I'm pretty darn uncomfortable already, I'm already carrying more weight than most moms at full-term with a singleton (between the weight of the second baby, second placenta, second amniotic sac and fluid), and obviously my uterus is a lot more full with two 16-inch babies than with one 21-incher. I realize that probably sounds bitchy and I don't *want* to let those comments get to me--I realize people mean well--but I think it would just be nice to have some validation that my body is really being put to the test and it's understandable that I need to rest a lot, sit down a lot, etc.
I agree to an extent. When my friends tell me they hope for twins I too get that thought, "If you only knew". They are a definitely a blessing. They are also a ton of work, double the expense and the transitions are pretty darn hard to manage since there are two of them. I think some people just don't realize how tough it is.
A lot of my friends (who don't have children) treat the boys as though they are playthings and then turn around and gush about how they want twins too. Um, one at a time is the way to go.
As far as the fishbowl thing, it might depend on where you live. We live in L.A. There are a lot of twins here so I think the shock value is kind of lost on most people. I mostly get older, retired types from Trader Joe's coming up to play with the boys. But, I don't think that's a twin thing. I think they would do that even if the boys were singletons.
Absolutely - I agree with this 100%. God bless anyone with fertility problems. Through having triplets, I've met so so so many women who dealt with them, and my heart aches for them. I'm the only mom in our triplets group (out of 20+?) that conceived them spontaneously. If I had to go through the hardship and heartache of fertility treatments, I'd probably have wished for twins too!
That is stupidly ridiculous. People can be so stupid.
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
I think having twins is the ultimate double-edged sword. When people tell me they'd like to have twins, I can't get mad because it's such a unique (well, maybe not so unique anymore) experience that I wouldn't change for the world. I just tell them to be careful what they wish for because literally, they are my greatest joy in life, and also the greatest challenge in life.
ImRon, that's a good point--if someone's going through fertility treatments (esp if there are other factors--AMA, etc.) I can totally understand hoping for twins, especially if they know they can only afford one shot at it or something. It's the people who just think they would be "fun" and "cute" and like the novelty of twins that get to me a bit ... especially if they then tell me, "Well you're lucky you're having twins first because you won't know any better." (Umm like it takes a genius to divide the amount of work, crying, diaper changes, $$, etc., in half.
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I *am* thankful for my twins, and I do feel blessed. But I always had a lot of respect for parents of multiples because to me it's obvious that it would be more challenging than raising singletons, especially in the newborn phase, so I just don't "get it" when people are like, "Aww, twins, how cool! You're so lucky! You'll have so much fun with them. I wish I had twins."
I'm with you all the way. I think the dumbest question I have received is "are they twins". Well no jacka**, we just liked our baby so much we decided to steal the other one for the heck of it. Yeah, my girls don't look alike (fraternal) but how else would I have 2 babies the same frickin age?
And please stop asking if it's two boys when the blanket that we have permanently covering them in their carseats is bright pink with light pink polkadots. Pink might be the new orange but bright pink on a baby is normally an "it's a girl" indicator.
I never thought I would become this much of a b!tch but the you get the geniuses out there with there questions and viola, introducing queen b!tch. OK, my vent is over.
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Totally understand and 100% agree! ?On bad days, when someone approaches me in a store and says something like, "oh how cute, I've always wanted twins!," I'm half tempted to say - "take mine! ?See if you can survive a whole day with them!" ?Hee hee. ? ??
You are too funny. I posted almost the same post on our Facebook group last night. I was just too tired to stir up this board. Here is my post:
Hey MoM's,
I know that on this board we have a limited audience so I thought this was a more appropriate place to post this. Does anyone else get offended by non MoM's coming onto the multiple board and asking how they can get pregnant with twins because:
a. I always thought it would be COOL to have twins
b. I want to get it over with
c. I think twins are so CUTE
d. I am insensitive and I like offending people by asking if their children are natural.
I don't know why it gets under my skin so much. Maybe because I feel like my children are becoming a fad (all the celebrities are sparking the twin craving I am sure). Or maybe I feel like it cheapens everything we have all gone through.
I don't know. Maybe I am just tired, have a teething son which I am sure will be followed by a teething daughter and a load of dirty dishes to get through.
UGH. Just didn't feel like stirring up a circle of shizit on the board so I ignored both of the "How can I get pregnant with twins" posts today.
I think my problem is when they want to know HOW we got pregnant, as if they are thinking about Clomid or IVF so they can have twins. I don't know. I was just talking to my sister about this today on my drive into work. She thinks it is because I want to feel special and if everyone does it I won't be so special anymore. lol...ahhhhh at least she is always honest with me!
I have to agree with IamRonBurgandy on this one.
As someone with fertility issues, I was secretly hoping for twins. The thought of going through (and paying for) another IVF cycle so that we could have a second kid was overwhelming to me. Plus being a little bit on the older side, being done with having kids at the age of 33 seemed like a positive.
Also, anyone who's never had a baby can't fathom how hard and how difficult one baby can be, much less two or three. It's pretty easy to get wrapped up in an a pollyanna outlook on motherhood before you ever have kids. I had plenty of sunshine and roses dreams of my girls before they were born. Thank god I couldn't imagine how miserable I'd be for the first several months because I probably wouldn't have had kids!
As far as the fishbowl effect, I never really minded. There were days when it was annoying, when I really needed to get something done. But I also appreciated the adult conversation and the kindness I received from strangers. Now that I get fewer comments as the girls get older, I actually miss them a bit.
Anyway, all that being said, this is in no way a flame for expressing your feelings on the issue. There are things that people say from time to time that rile me up, too.
How about the complete OPPOSITE?
TWICE I've had people say "wow...twins isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be!"
This has been said when they are both asleep in their swings for 20 mins. I want to b!tchslap people when they say/think that!!!
I don't know about all of you, but my "twins experience" has been sooo lovely
Living in a hospital for 9 weeks, then 12 more in the NICU, then in and out since....good times!!!
Im with ImRonBurgundy on this one.
A coworker was five weeks ahead of me with twins and lost them at 19 weeks (I was 14 weeks). She is a really sweet woman. Being a parent to twins is hard, but her loss was harder and it made me appreciate the blessing even more-so I have more patience for gawking, for those wanting twins, for those hard days when the babies are trying my patience. Because when I do complain, I feel unworthy (and extremely guilty) of the gift that was taken from my coworker.
A woman bumped into my DH and I last week and after 1,000 questions said "I bet you thank G_d everyday." I do.
I understand the sentiment of the posters above--I think seeing loss so close makes me a little different.
I think this kind of response is just sad and worse than the people who think twins might be a cake-walk. I would take twins again in a heartbeat. They are a hoot and amazingly fantastic and fun.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one that feels this way! Mine aren't even here yet and if I here "I always wanted to have twins" one more time I may kill! Don't people realize how hard it is? I mean carrying them is hard enough, the financial impact is even harder but actually raising and caring for two babies? Good lord, why would anyone wish that upon themselves!
That said I'm thrilled to be having kids, we had to work REALLY hard to get here and I am really excited to watch the "twin bond" that everyone talks about.