VENT: Angry with SIL

tiki_t

My MIL lost her job and only has only so much to live off of. Her rent is way more than she can afford and she's depleting her savings fast. She has enough of an inheritance to buy a house in a rural community.  I'm trying to find a solution by having her put that money into buying a house so she would only pay insurance and property taxes instead of making her landlord fat (she's lived there for 25 years and he has never done any maintenance so the place is a rat infested hell hole). 5 years worth of her paying rent equals the same amount as she'd spend to buy a house right now.

 I sent a bunch of listings to her. When she was over here with SIL I asked what she thought of the styles of the homes that I sent her listings for. SIL tore into me about how she didn't want to move out of San Jose. How 1000 square feet is too small for 2 people to live in (WTF??!!!) and how she wouldn't even go with her mom to look. And guess what, her mom won't look without SIL.

 SIL is 22, lives at home, lives off of her mom, has never worked and just sits in her room and plays online games all day. I'm seeing red right now and am still pissed about her reaction. Why the hell would you run your mother's finances into to the ground? If she buys a house now, she might actually be able to retire one day. If they stay were they are, in 8 years, she'll be completely out of money, on welfare and living in public assistance housing.

 I'm losing all respect for SIL.

I felt like shouting in her face, "When your mom runs out of money, you aren't moving in here! You can live on the street."

I can't talk to DH about this because he just shrugs and says that they are adults and make their own decisions. The problem is that his mom has never been independent before her husband died. Other people have always taken care of her until now. I think it is his/our responsibility to teach her how to be self sufficient. I think it is totally irresponsible for DH to turn a blind eye and for SIL to just sponge off of MIL.

How do I stop caring and let this train wreck?


 

 

Dragonfly_Bride

I know how frustrating it is to try to help someone that just won't accept it. My mil is very, very similar (dependent, illogical, etc). Eventually I just stopped trying to help.

Your sil is young (emotionally more than physically), and probably just doesn't understand the ramifications of your mil staying where she is. Sometimes a young person hears that someone has $500,000 (just a random #) and thinks that's a fortune, but doesn't understand that that money needs to go another 30 years or so. The only thing I could recommend is setting up a family meeting, maybe with a financial adviser (someone who is more impartial), and spell out exactly where your mil stands financially, and what is about to happen.

Otherwise, you've done what you can, your dh isn't giving you a lot of support, and they frankly just aren't interested in your point of view.

 

Mama_v2.0

Really you have done all you can and it isn't your place to get between your MIL & SIL, so if your DH doesn't think it is worth it he must know something you don't. Sometimes people won't and don't chance until they have no other choice. 

My bro & his fiance live with my parents. They pay like $200 a month and that doesn't even cover the food they eat, but them my other brother (who is disabled) pays my parents $600 a month (for one person) ad they are very neglectful of the one that pays more, but needs more. When I bring this up it is like talking to a brick wall...but yet my parents continue to b1tch about how bro & his fiance are irresponsible. I am guessing the same problem is what you are facing.

tri_bride05

How frustrating. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there is anything you can do. The intervention might get her to wake up a little if DH would get involved, but without his help it seems like you are stuck. Have you approached it from the standpoint of what responsibility he would feel if MIL did run out of money and the impact that would have on your finances should he want to get involved/help out at that time?

Lexi & Orion's Mommy

That sucks tiki. I  think setting up a meeting with the finiacial advisor is a great idea. and tell the computer gaming sponge, that her online crap can be done anywhere, so WTF?