Worth the "friendship"?

Lucination

Hi Ladies,I am 8 weeks pregnant with twins after a 5 year journey with infertility.  Of course, I am overjoyed beyond belief!!  While I am not completely naive to the risks I face, I have a friend who seems to want to keep focusing on the negative, talking about miscarriage and asking me things like, "Did your doctor say what the miscarriage rate is with twins?  Is it higher?". This friend is someone who I became friends with by default because she is married to my husband's friend.  They got married after us and she just gave birth to her third child.  I have never been jealous, just wanted respect as any friend would going through the pain of infertility.We had a falling out for several months while she was pregnant this past time because she was seriously considering the name I'd told her many times I was saving for my baby one day.  Her reaction was that I needed to get over it, that I couldn't tell her what she could name her child.  Although she always claims to be such a good friend, in this case, there was no true compassion for what I have gone through or understanding of how much the name meant to me.  She said she didn't remember me telling her all those times...  Maybe she just doesn't listen.  I have many times felt the relationship was one-sided and she was just using me to be a busy body.  I find it interesting that I got pregnant while our friendship was on hiatus. We just recently are back in each others lives.  But now I'm feeling her negative force on me again and am wondering whether I just need to call her out next time she starts up or if I am better off without her in my life altogether... Opinions?? p.s. my husband can't stand her and doesn't think we should go out of our way anymore to be friends with them as they are so negative and toxic.  

djma81

Congrats!!!  IF is hard enough to deal with.....having negative ppl around you is no good!  To me it sounds like this girl is totally jealous that you are having twins.  I would just try my best to avoid her and when you HAVE to answer her stupid questions.....give her a generic response like,..well there's always a risk but I'm trying to stay positive.  Leave it at that.  Hopefully she'll get the hint.

luvboston

Dump her like the trash. Congrats!!

74dragonfly

Dump her. sounds like DH agrees.
Congrats on your twins. When they arrive you will be too busy to notice she is gone.

jadwedd

I had a negative friend for years that once I got rid of her my life was so much better.  Some people are just toxic and you do not need that right now.  I would not really care if a friend wanted to name her baby the same name that I liked, but that is just me.  Family would bug me but not a friend.  Anyway as with the risks of twins.  I had 5 sets of them in my class a few years ago.  And my mom had twins (yup that is how I know how great twins are - because I am one - and my mom says twins are awesome!)  Anyway, I was born in 1976, she had one ultrasound at 7 months to confirm that there were 2 in there.  She had no special anything and delivered us naturally (we were face up or sunny side up the drs said too) and we were fine.  So don't worry about that.  Twins are tough.  Don't let negativity in your head.  My mom always tells me that babies can feel what you feel, so don't stress them out

asilwhite

First of all, congrats x2!

She is NOT worth any of your time and energy. I've found that getting rid of the negativity in my life, even if that meant not talking to some people, was the best decision I could make for me and my growing baby.

I'm much calmer now and the #1 priority is the health of me and my little boy. Focus on what's important here (those babies you're growing) and throw all that negativity out the door.

Get rid of her! 

Julie21613

I 100% agree with PP's and your DH..... you should be concentrating on the joy of being pregnant and the added joy of having twins!  Are twin pregnancies higher risk then singleton pregnancies?  Sure.  But twins have been being born for centuries!  You will get extra care.  Enjoy the positives and get rid of the negatives! 

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck!

BlueEyedDreamer

IMO, it's simply not worth the energy to keep negative/toxic people in your life, so I would vote to dump her. The drama and negativity is not worth it!! I dumped a similar friend several years ago and have never regretted it for a second.

Congrats on your pregnancy and best of luck! 

Millie1984

luvboston:

Dump her like the trash. Congrats!!

Yep- Congratulations 

Citygirl1015

moonaggie:

First of all - congratulations!!!  Second, I agree with your DH.  One thing I learned from my IF struggle is that anyone who was toxic, negative, over-dramatic, etc. DID NOT have a place in my life.  Someone who keeps bringing up potential loss, etc, does not need to be someone you talk to often.  I can tell you that there is enough craziness that goes through your head through this journey that you don't need anyone else to tap into that.  Just my 2 cents! 

This! Best of luck to you, wishing you a very happy and healthy pregnancy!