AMH <0.08 and still wanting to have a family

4Tandageing

Heartbreak and disappointment are sadly, two great ways to explain this predicament.  I have recently turned 41, and have been experiencing menstrual cessation.  I have been regular since the day I got my first cycle at age 18 and have only missed one other time, at age 30 probably due to severe , prolonged stress.  I "lost" my female-pain-in-the-front, the month of my 40th birthday for 3 months, and then again for my 41st for now 3 months.  I am apparently, officially "OLD" in the eyes of conception... The problem is, that I haven't had the opportunity to conceive just yet.  

In the throws of future family planning, I have found myself amidst several lines of hormonal testing, transvaginal ultrasounds, close monitoring of the calendar and several second and third opinions.  To date, the only hiccup is low AMH... My stats are as follows:

 Age: 41.3, Height: 5'7", Weight:  115,  Never a smoker,  Rarely a drinker, Extremely active aerobic exercises (excessive one year ago; highly revised/conservative regimen now) , some weight training, decent diet. I did experience prolonged excessive stress over a period of about two years compounded by excessive workouts (master's swimming).  That caused a severe adrenal response that elevated my catecholamines significantly, and produced visible swelling of my adrenal gland on CT and MRI scans. I also had SEVERE inexplicable anxiety (probably an adrenal response) at the time.  I treated with St. John's Wort, with immediate and sustained relief for 7 months now.  I also have some heart palpitations.  All could be certainly attributed to peri-menopause, but both of my OB's believe it to be stress related and dismiss the idea of menopause. 

AMH: <0.08

Normetanephrine: 0.30

Metanepherine: <.20

Estradiol: 239.0

Total Estrogens: 304.2

DHEA, non-sulfate: 1.110 

FSH:  I think it was a 7 this past April and I had 1 visible egg of normal size on one side on day 7 and the other side could not be examined.  I had 6 eggs total (3 on each side) 6 months prior on day 10. I did have one bad FSH last July 2012 at the peak of my physical training.  I think it was a 25, but it was taken at the time of the month when it should have been elevated, and it has been normal following the calendar ever since.  

The conundrum:  I'm not ready to conceive... I'm not married and don't want to conceive outside of marriage and both RE doctors I've visited refuse egg retrieval and suggest that my hope of conceiving with my own eggs is a virtual impossibility. They keep telling me that AMH is a pretty accurate test for measuring egg reserve, that does not go up, or reverse positively in measure and is not affected by stress, amenorrhea, or extraneous exercises.  So now I wake up every day thinking, "Great.  I'm one day closer to never being a mother of my own offspring."  DEPRESSED AND LOOKING FOR HOPE!  

PS... I am a believer and claim the miracle of salvation, but if I hear the story of "Sarah" one more time, it will only reaffirm the surmounting impossibility I feel I am facing. ... I do believe in miracles and pray for them daily... I'm just hoping to find someone out there who has been down a similar road with favorable results.  Right now, I just feel so pitiful, worthless, alone and pioneering.  I know I need to "let-go and let-God", but the scientist renting space in my brain is starving for some concrete evidence.  FEEDBACK AND DIRECTION IS WELCOME!  

Many prayers of love & grace to all 0:) 

ksgsmu

I am sorry.  I will be honest your labs don't look good. But I am not a doctor and I am a believer so I believe in miracles. I have no real advice to give you because you said you were not ready to be pregnant. I respect your decision to wait until you are married.  But waiting comes with a cost especially in the realm of fertility.  So unless you find an RE who will work with you on freezing your eggs despite your labs then you will have to open your heart and mind to other avenues to have a family.  I know that isn't what you want to hear.  Praying you find peace and a direction you feel comfortable with.

on42

I wish I had wise words to share, but I can say that you should not give up hope. 

My AMH is not as low as yours, but it is considered extremely low, sitting at .32, though FSH was 7 at last test, thyroid was hypo, and all other tests were normal. These tests were done in November, and I did conceive this past May (without trying, ended in miscarriage) - and I have never been able to get pregnant before. I am almost 36.

I can only say, don't give up. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending love and light your way.  xoxo

MarylandWed

Hi! Have you read Inconceivable? Have you considered going to a Resolve meeting? I hope everything works out for you. Do you think you'll start trying with donor sperm?

MarylandWed

Sorry I missed where you said you don't want to conceive outside of marriage.

MarylandWed

Also, who's Sarah? That completely went over my head.

gscoville

Unfortunately AMH is a much more accurate test, unlike FSH it's not one that changes cycle to cycle and does not typically improve with time...so if it's that low, it doesn't look very good for you even now, and waiting will just make that number get worse.  Of course there's always the possibility of conceiving on your own, but with such low reserve you may not be releasing eggs every cycle, or just may not have the quality necessary for a successful conception and pregnancy.  You really need to look at your priorities, timeline for having a baby, and whether or not you're willing to entertain other options such as donor eggs or adoption down the road.  As PP said, if you can't even get your doctor to work with you on egg retrieval and freezing now, that won't get better the longer you wait.

I'm sorry to paint such a bleak picture, but at our age nothing to do with TTC gets better or easier with time, it's just a fact we have to accept and work with as best we can.

on42

MarylandWed:

Also, who's Sarah? That completely went over my head.

 

I'm not certain, but I think the OP is referencing Sarah/Sarai, the Wife of Abraham: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah 

ksgsmu

wife07mom09:

Im a little confused why you are running all these tests if you are not married or TTC.   So from that perspective, STOP.

Give this to God to handle. If it is His desire that you marry and have children it will happen.  Maybe it wont happen as you planned it or maybe not at all but my best advice now is to seek first His kingdom  . Get busy serving Him while you are single. Pray for contentment.

 

As a believer I echo this advice.... Trust God and HIs perfect timing in all areas of your life.  I know it is hard!

gscoville

ksgsmu:

wife07mom09:

Im a little confused why you are running all these tests if you are not married or TTC.   So from that perspective, STOP.

Give this to God to handle. If it is His desire that you marry and have children it will happen.  Maybe it wont happen as you planned it or maybe not at all but my best advice now is to seek first His kingdom  . Get busy serving Him while you are single. Pray for contentment.

 

As a believer I echo this advice.... Trust God and HIs perfect timing in all areas of your life.  I know it is hard!

I'm sorry but this all sounds very judgy. OP is obviously wanting to see where she's at in terms of her fertility given her age, and her numbers might dictate if she decides to keep waiting to TTC or if she might need to go for it now. She even mentioned looking into the possibility of egg retrieval and, I'm assuming, egg freezing for later use. All of this requires testing.  I'm reminded of the story of the very good, very humble man who prays every day to win the lottery to help a struggling orphanage, but never does win. He begs and pleads, but to no avail. Finally one day, god speaks to him and says "I'll give you the lottery win but you first have to buy a ticket!"  While there's nothing wrong with choosing to put everything into god's hands, we do still have to resort to some self help along the way, we can't expect god to do it all for us.

PPoppy2010

gscoville:

ksgsmu:

wife07mom09:

Im a little confused why you are running all these tests if you are not married or TTC.   So from that perspective, STOP.

Give this to God to handle. If it is His desire that you marry and have children it will happen.  Maybe it wont happen as you planned it or maybe not at all but my best advice now is to seek first His kingdom  . Get busy serving Him while you are single. Pray for contentment.

 

As a believer I echo this advice.... Trust God and HIs perfect timing in all areas of your life.  I know it is hard!

I'm sorry but this all sounds very judgy. OP is obviously wanting to see where she's at in terms of her fertility given her age, and her numbers might dictate if she decides to keep waiting to TTC or if she might need to go for it now. She even mentioned looking into the possibility of egg retrieval and, I'm assuming, egg freezing for later use. All of this requires testing.  I'm reminded of the story of the very good, very humble man who prays every day to win the lottery to help a struggling orphanage, but never does win. He begs and pleads, but to no avail. Finally one day, god speaks to him and says "I'll give you the lottery win but you first have to buy a ticket!"  While there's nothing wrong with choosing to put everything into god's hands, we do still have to resort to some self help along the way, we can't expect god to do it all for us.

I agree.... God has nothing to do with being pro-active and ensuring her future...If more people took a more active role in their health and fertility Before we knew we might have a problem... this board wouldnt be necessary.  

Can you imagine.. if we all froze eggs at age 23... when they are fresh and perfect?? once ready.. just thawed those perfect little eggs.. and pop! no worries...  

4Tandageing

Thank you sincerely for your kind words, thoughts and prayers.  Sadly, most of the posts I have received thus far have been very dismal and emotionally detached.  This is a very emotionally charged predicament that really blind-sided me.  True, age was not on my side, but in planning over the years with my OB, egg retrieval was never even mentioned despite my repeated desires to one day have a healthy family.  Couple that with the fact that I never had any signs or symptoms of RE aging, I felt confident with the support of my OB, upto this point that natural family planning would prevail.  Unfortunately despite repeated efforts, this past year has dictated otherwise.  Two years ago today, my AMH was perfectly fine.  One year ago today, it was a 0.16.  Today it is <0.08.  To say that it drastically dropped over night would be incorrect.  However, if you consider annual visits, from one year to the next wherby one year is perfectly fine to the next where there is not even a chance for egg retrevial.... It certainly felt like over night.  this entire past year, I have spent HOURS upon HOURS researching, doctor visiting, and testing to try to find at least one RE to do an egg retrevial, all the while watching my AMH slip saddly away with each passing month.  I have finally come to the point where I am letting go and letting God, because frankly... Eventhough I have always felt so strongly called to be a mother, I have no idea what the plan is here.  I lost my husband at age 30, and have not remarried since.  The day I became lost in this world without him, I knew in my heart that there was a strong possibility that my future family may have very well gone with him.  

I will pray that you are able to have the family you desire as well. 

And to be clear, for everyone else... Yes... The reference to Sarah, is of the story of Sarah and Abraham in the Bible where Sarah conceived and gave birth at the age 94. I live for the miracle, but continue to pray that there is at least one among you who has  experienced a similar situation such as mine with a positive outcome. As I mentioned before... The scientist renting space in my brain is begging for positive strokes with concrete evidence.

 Much love & grace to all... 

4Tandageing

Thank you so much for the reading suggestion!  No, I have not read it and look forward to what threads of light it might provide. Equally, I have never heard of a "resolve" meeting. I look forward to trying this as well. I am presuming I can just Google this for information.  Please correct me if you have other information regarding this. Despite my dismal situation, this is just the kind of thing I am looking for to help cope with the likely possibility/probability of loss I am currently grieving. Grief, as I know too well is a process, and for me... Reaching out, sharing, praying and affirming is the best way to heal for me.  Thank you sincerely!

Love & grace to you 

Jacque Sills

I appears that you have a lot to deal with.....I would just advise you to follow your heart with the hopes that the good Lord has your desires in his Will.  With that being said, I would talk to your minister, priest, rabbi or spiritual leader about this issue and ask for their direction and from some of the members of your church/temple.  I can't even imagine how stressful this would be, if I were in your shoes.  I can understand the fine line of  your wants: knowing that time keeps moving forward with no regard to anyone's age or not having a partner in their life.... Know that you are in my heart. And, that you will find the solution to your heart desires......  I, too struggle to have my own offspring, which I yearn so painfully for.........even having a partner and TTC for over 6.5 something years.  It is just so confusing and heartbreaking, when it doesn't happen.

God Bless you and please keep us posted in how you move forward.  I wish you the best on your journey.  Big Warm Hugs to you!!!

MarylandWed

Resolve is an organization devoted to infertility. It has support group meetings and some find it helpful whether they do infertility treatments, adopt, or decide to stop and become child free. Inconceivable is a book about a woman who was 43 and no fertility docs would help her because her fsh was so high. She took matters into her own hands and ended up conceiving naturally and bringing her fsh level down substantially.

Regarding miracles and emotional detachment of some responses, it may be that you posted the wrong place. We are all in the same boat as you. We haven't gotten our miracle yet either. We are just praying and hoping that time hasn't stolen our opportunity as well. So it might be a better question for a pregnancy board vs a trying to conceive board. Most of us are still waiting for our miracle. Good luck and I am sorry for your loss. Would you consider adoption?

NewMrs07

MarylandWed:

Also, who's Sarah? That completely went over my head.

 

If I'm not mistaken, Sarah is the woman in the Old Testament (Christian Bible) that gives birth in her 50s or 60s, can't remember correctly. 

Jacque Sills

Hi 4t and dangling(please forgive me, if I misspelled)......Just thinking of you and hope that you are doing well.  I am sorry that my advice was not, as helpful, as others.  Weird as it may be, today I feel blessed that I read your post and the responses.  I realized something about myself, being that I am not ready to acknowledge that I will not be a mother.  I didn't realize that I am not able to handle that concept, right now.  It scares me to death......

I have only had one IVF treatment with 6.5 years of TTC, with no results.  When I was in my TTW after the IVF cycle, I asked about a IF counselor, but I haven't called or thought about it since.......I don't want to make this about me.  I just wanted to thank you for opening up this conversation to others for their support and knowledge and to help others in similar situations.  So, thank you for doing that and I, truly hope that you will find your peace.  I will be looking into the RESOLVE program, too.  Just to help me while I am 43 and still going to try naturally for the next 1-2 years.  Then, I am calling it, Quits!   Please keep us posted on how you proceed and I am wishing you all the best in all of this.  I hope your Prince Charming shows up soon........ 

on42

I agree that some of the comments in this thread were judge-y. I had testing done as well prior to being ready for TTC. There would have been something comforting in knowing I had more time to TTC. Unfortunately, my numbers were low as well. Why do we use HPTs earlier than 14 DPO?? Because we want to know what lies ahead... we want to know where we're at. 

It's not up to us to judge other women on this board. 

I also agree with another poster in this thread who said that parenting could be in the OP's future (or in God's plan), but perhaps not naturally. Either way, I hope it happens for her. Trying to create or have a family isn't an easy thing. We should be here to support each other, and meet each other where we are at.

Sunni01

Some comments have been a little judged, but know they do not mean to burst your bubble of a family. I had read a book by Julia Indochiva- Inconceivable.  I would read that. I may have misspelled her name but if you google it, she'll pop up. Also, google fertile hearts. I have found that comforting as well as I go through my journey of ttc. I have gone to Resolve, still not sure if therapy is for me. I find that talking to everyone here is helping more. But do look up Julia Indochiva. Good Luck and sorry for your loss.

Geekywife

All I want to say is that I hope you will have your pathway to becoming a mom shown to you soon. I know this is all hard to deal with, don't be afraid to share with us. If nothing else we can listen.