Hospital Visitors

lorow0715

For some reason the thought of hospital visitors has kind of been stressing me out.  I fully expect my family, DH's family and close friends to come visit after the baby is born.  However, lately people who I never expected to come have mentioned that they plan to come see the baby in the hospital.  I normally don't have trouble being honest with people but I know that everyone is just trying to support us and they all have played their part in our IF battle and, in there way, have been waiting for this baby for a long time too.   But as a FTM, it completely overwhelms me to think about all these people visiting when I need to adjust to a newborn and BFing and everything.   Any advice?

Also,  I don't know if I am being crazy cakes right now (which is totally a possibility) but I absolutely do not want people taking pictures and posting them on FB. I feel like a child just saying this but I feel like she is mine to share WHEN and IF I want. I don't mind them taking pictures but do you just ask/tell them that you prefer them not to publically post any pictures at this time??  

Feel free to call me out if I am being crazy.  I just don't want to offend anyone but it has been on my mind a lot lately. 

amarissa85

If you don't like it, say so. Your baby your rules plain and simple.

Alex+Noah

I don't think you are being crazy at all, I'm a FTM as well and I would not want anyone else posting pictures of our LO on fb. I agree, when you are ready to share LO with the fb world it should be you who does it. Not sure what you should tell ppl to make sure that happens though. GL

cameronzmom

amarissa85:

If you don't like it, say so. Your baby your rules plain and simple.

 

 I agree. If you don't want people to post pictures, just say so!  

 

As for visitors, I'm up for everyone who wants to visit I'll get plenty of 3 am feedings where he is all mine and I won't have anyone to hand him off to so I'll share him when I can ! 

Embil

NOT CRAZY, you should decide when and how your baby is introduced to the world.

As for visitors, close family and friends is all that should be permitted during this once in a lifetime event. Maybe you should start telling the others you will be having a "Meet the Baby" get-together with details TBD after you are feeling up to it? Or, just one on one visits once you are home and feeling good?

klei0011

I am currently going through the same thing. I want only my husbands family and my family in the hospital. I know all his aunts and uncles and grandmas will try to come beacuse they are just being supportive. But I know how they are and the minute I am in labor they will be rushing down there.

Love them to death but really this is a time for me, my husband and our new baby to bond. Plus now days you are only in the hospital for like 24 hours and I need all the help I can get with BFing and taking care of the little one while we have the help.

My husband told his parents this but I know know what will end up happening. It will probably be out of my control but its very overwhelming and I just wish they would all understand its something we want to experience and have time to process alone.

My plan is to call my mom as I am going into labor and then when I get closer to pushing or dilating more I will call his family and ask that they not tell any other family members until we are ready!

ALSO 100% agree with FB pictures. . . its our choice when and if we want to. I don't want someone else to be posting that before we do. Completely understand

Kebert618

My doc said if I feel uncomfortable telling people to leave or if I need rest, to use the nurses as the "bad person". She said to let a nurse know or have hubby have the nurse demand people leave. I also told my family/friends in advance, don't take it personal if I ask you to leave or wait until we're home to visit.

MissyCee

I wouldn't worry about offending people. It's your time with your baby and only people you want to visit should visit. Just tell the people you don't want visiting that you have decided to only have immediate family if you don't want to hurt feelings. That's not unreasonable in the least. Or just don't even tell those people when you are in the hospital, it's not their right to know.

And if you don't want people posting pictures feel free to speak up and tell them. People won't know how you feel unless you say something. I don't think you're being crazy, I will want to be the first person to put a picture up of my own baby too.

ELauren88

I feel the same way. I'll probably go the same route as my brother did, though. When my nephew was born he wouldn't let anyone in to see him til they agreed to not post anything other than "he's here" on any social media. He also threatened even my mother within an inch of their lives (exaggeration) if anyone posted a picture on FB before SIL got to.

lkobriant

Not at all crazy!  Your time in the hospital is for you to start healing, bonding with your LO, and getting the hang of BFing.  If you aren't comfortable with lots of people there, then say so.  At our hospital the security desk will call prior to allowing anyone back to make sure we want visitors, do not feel bad about saying no, I'm sure everyone will understand.  While they may feel like they've played a part (I understand this, going through IF ourselves), at the end of the day this is YOUR baby, not theirs.  And I have already established a strict no Facebook rule.  I will be the first the post anything on Facebook about this LO.  I will never understand why anyone thinks it is their job to announce other people's life events.  I have a very strong feeling about people posting wedding or baby pictures before bride/groom and parents.  I hate it! 

AlexKate45

You're not crazy.  I'm not having hospital visitors other than my parents and didn't with my son either.  If people say things about coming to visit, I'd just say, "I'd prefer to have visitors once we are home and settled."

floridababy3

I have been having the same worries. We have decided to text those we don't mind coming ie parents, siblings and close friends. Once he has arrived we will post an announcement on Facebook if we feel up to visitors if not then when we get home and feel more equipped to host visitors. If we do post on fb before we are ready for visitors I plan to say something like 'mommy, daddy and baby are bonding we will let everyone know when we are ready for visitors' I know it seems silly but I talked with DH about all kinda of differant scenarios so that we had a plan and I didn't feel quite as anxious. GL!!

carrotcake06

Not crazy. I was in zero condition or state of mind to have visitors other than my mom and sister and even then I told them not to overstay their welcome.

I'm not a fan of hospital visitors.

azzy1206

Your not crazy.. your the boss make it known who you want to visit you and people you don't want! And let them know you don't want anything posted on facebook!

lorow0715

Seashell2002:

I have been having the same worries. We have decided to text those we don't mind coming ie parents, siblings and close friends. Once he has arrived we will post an announcement on Facebook if we feel up to visitors if not then when we get home and feel more equipped to host visitors. If we do post on fb before we are ready for visitors I plan to say something like 'mommy, daddy and baby are bonding we will let everyone know when we are ready for visitors' I know it seems silly but I talked with DH about all kinda of differant scenarios so that we had a plan and I didn't feel quite as anxious. GL!!

 

This sounds like a great idea!  thanks! 

She29

It's normal to feel this way, with my first my mil,fil and gmil all came to visit I let them hold the baby for a few minutes then told my husband to make them leave and we had no visitors after. You def need the time to bond and breast feed your little one schedule a home visit when you are up to it. As far as pictures I totally understand I don't do pictures now on fb and if I choose to its up to me, anyone posting a picture of someone else's children should def get permission :-)

amandarins

Your baby, your rules. Mine will not be mentioned or have photos on Facebook eigther.

magdalina.h

I post a bazillion pictures of Lucas, but if someone else posts one (usually my mom) or shares one (again, usually my mom) it annoys me. I'm okay with it, but annoyed she didn't ask first. That being said, if I send her a naked butt picture from the tub or something I put on the text *do not share with anyone, but dad*. That way I can ensure that pictures I don't feel are appropriate for FB don't show up.

Hospital guests...I'm all whatever, just don't wake me or baby. I'm lucky that in my hospital you have to have a code to get on the maternity units. No number, no getting behind the doors.

Native+Girl

I agree with everyone else, you just need to make your wishes known. I feel the same exact way you do on both fronts - visitors and FB. I would just tell people that you'd appreciate it if everyone would wait until after you've settled in at home before visiting.

For the FB thing, you're going to have to speak up and flat out tell them not to post pictures or whatever other information you'd like to be the first to share. If it's someone you might be afraid would do it anyway, tell them you'd prefer no one to take pictures yet and you'll text them a picture later.

lorow0715

thanks ladies.  I don't feel so crazy now.  I am sure when baby Ruthie arrives I won't have any problems saying what I think as protective momma bear will probablycome out.  

Augustmama1113

Speaking from experience, I had entirely too many visitors and never said no. It was one of my biggest regrets and I plan to put my foot down this time around. Don't feel bad about saying no. People will get over it.

kmichln

Not crazy at all! I have been thinking about the same things lately. I don't want anyone posting stuff about the baby. I don't want pictures on fb unless it is me and even then not until I'm out of the hospital. I don't want random people visiting. I actually am thinking about not telling anyone i'm in real labor until the baby is born so I don't have the awkward visitors while I'm in labor. I had way too many people around me the first time. I don't want to deal with that ever again. it was stressful and made the experience hard to deal with. 

BlueJewelM

I hate hospital visitors. With DS my MIL came, which I honestly didn't mind, but my SIL came...who I'm not close to so I really didn't want her there...the worse part is she brought her partner that I had only met one time before. And they had only dated for a few months and broke up a few months later...

Tangent, sorry. Clearly I'm not over it. Anyway. Put your foot down over what you want and don't want. And enlist DH to be your bouncer.

coraggiosa

I plan on limiting hospital visitors to immediate family, which means just my parents and my brother since DH's family lives in Italy. I don't see anything wrong with your feelings, but you do need to vocalize them. Most people aren't going to want to stress you out or make you uncomfortable, so just nicely tell them you would prefer scheduling a visit sometime after you go home from the hospital.

As for the pictures, I have already brought that up - no one posts pictures of my child on facebook/social media without my or DH's permission. No one should give you grief over that - your child, your rules. 

kkay1982

I am hoping to not be in the hospital long enough for too many visitors to be an issue. My thought is to give a few people the ok ahead of time and ask them to keep it on the down low. I just have no idea how I will be feeling.

But I am with you on the FB thing. I want to be the one to share first. I think I am going to mention this to my family ahead of time and if we get other visitors to ask them to not take pictures right then or post to FB. If DH had his way we wouldn't post at all to FB but I know that won't happen.

Mom2bois85

JNLLSM:

I am nervous about the FB pictures, posted some of DN up, and my sister crazy husband copy them to his page. When I contacted FB they said they could not make him take them down. [:][:] even though he's mine and stupid dude has not say over him there was nothing they can do UGH pisses me off.I had to limit my profile for my sister and niece.

This is why... I'm going to do my hair and my make up as nice as possible before driving to the hospital so by the time I have baby I might look meh, but not terrible in my pics :]

cole2144

I will not have anyone other than my parents and our kids visiting us in the hospital. You have to let people know your wishes, it is your baby.

When I had DS, word went out to everyone that no one was to post about the baby before we did, it was our news to share.

CaliforniaDream87

amarissa85:

If you don't like it, say so. Your baby your rules plain and simple.

It's as simple as that.

virginiamama85

Don't stress!  People will not be offended, just let them know what you are or are not up for. 

Also, fwiw, last time people were alwaaaaays saying they would be coming to the hospital to visit... and very very few ended up actually coming, which was fine with me!

AACaHa13

klei0011:

I am currently going through the same thing. I want only my husbands family and my family in the hospital. I know all his aunts and uncles and grandmas will try to come beacuse they are just being supportive. But I know how they are and the minute I am in labor they will be rushing down there.
Love them to death but really this is a time for me, my husband and our new baby to bond. Plus now days you are only in the hospital for like 24 hours and I need all the help I can get with BFing and taking care of the little one while we have the help.
My husband told his parents this but I know know what will end up happening. It will probably be out of my control but its very overwhelming and I just wish they would all understand its something we want to experience and have time to process alone.
My plan is to call my mom as I am going into labor and then when I get closer to pushing or dilating more I will call his family and ask that they not tell any other family members until we are ready!
ALSO 100 agree with FB pictures. . . its our choice when and if we want to. I don't want someone else to be posting that before we do. Completely understand

Everything you just said were my exact concerns I said to my cousin today! It's weird lol. I told my mil that I do not want any aunts and uncles or grandmas... Just immediate family! I will put my foot down and be a mean person if I have to. I just think people are so inconsiderate these days!!!

Critter015

I think you just need to let your potential visitors know how you feel ahead of time. I didn't think much about visitors when I had DD besides the fact that I wanted to be sure my MIL and FIL were not there at the same time divorced. I did have some slightly awkward visits, like when the lactation consulatant finally came in while an elderly family friend of my husband's was visiting. I was afraid I'd never get to see the lactation consultant again so I whipped it all out in front of everyone. My MIL also came right after DD was born, and was waiting in the room for me when I got moved down to the recovery floor. I had sent DH to the nursery with DD and they were gone for what seemed like hours while I felt like I had to entertain MIL while still shaking uncontrollably from the birth. I didn't have any issues with people posting things on Facebook, though I made sure to post right away, and my family asked if they could post their pictures before they did so.