Sad to be pregnant? :(

eg214

I figured of all boards, this would be the one who wouldn't pass judgement so here goes...

I've had a miscarriage that was devastating to me several years ago when I was married. I've struggled with infertility since I was 19 and it took me several years to accept it and let it go. I wholeheartedly believe being pregnant is a gift to be treasured, but I just can't see it that way right now and I feel insanely guilty.

I'm not happy to be pregnant. This is not how I wanted it to be and I just can't let go of that yet and find the happy. Granted, we just split 3 days ago, but I was feeling a little burdened even before then because of how much stress he was causing me. 

I'm just sad that I'm alone. My family is 1,000 miles away and they are not happy. I just wrote my dad to tell him and I know he is going to be as angry as ever. It's just the way it is. I don't get to do the fun reveals that everyone plans. I don't even know if I will have a baby shower as my friends are all over the place in different states and I've grown apart from a lot of them just due to the distance. I won't have a big cheerleading squad rooting me on and encouraging me when I really need it the most.

I'm sorry to be complaining but I'm just really sad and hope that at some point, I can connect with this baby and feel happy I've been blessed. Right now, so much is up in the air and it just is exhausting. 

inthelost

I feel for you. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt the same way: I was NOT happy about it. I wanted children one day, but not this way. The sperm donor was not supportive and neither was my family I spent most of my first trimester crying my eyes out. I was completely alone too. It was hard, and I struggled a lot. I'm still struggling. Being pregnant and alone is horrible and my heart breaks for you. But you never know: your dad might surprise you. He might be supportive. Do you have any close friends around? I really hope so. Lean on someone that can support you. 

I don't think you're "complaining" I think what you're going through is normal. You're processing a lot right now and it takes time. Besides that your hormones are also going crazy. You WILL be happy about your baby, and you will love your baby very, very much...when you see the ultrasound, when you hear the heartbeat, when you start to feel him/her move inside you, it will happen. You will become excited and happy for your baby over time. and I know I'm just a stranger but I'm happy for you. Congratulations momma. *hugs*

eg214

Thank you :-/ I appreciate your kind words and I'm also sorry you are in a similar situation.

I know once baby is here I will be a great mom and things will kick in. I'm hopeful that once I know the gender (I'm happy with either) I will also be able to get excited. I have always wanted kids like you, and spent much of my life as a teacher and nanny. Just never thought or would have wanted it like this. BUT...it is what it is. I think it will also help me to remember the baby did not have a choice and it is up to me to give the baby the best home and life I can.

I don't have a best friend around this area or a strong support system here either. I have a friend or two and my boss is supportive, but my closest friends live in another state. I'm considering moving closer to them, but won't until after baby comes. 

tracy41

It's hard when it's unexpected and your life just doesn't feel like it's in the right place for it. I spent half my pregnancy feeling bad about being pregnant and half my pregnancy feeling bad about being excited since I wasn't supposed to be pregnant. It's a lot easier when the baby comes and you're just a mom to a baby.

I look at it this way for me: if I hadn't gotten pregnant accidentally I never would have had a 2nd kid. I'm getting too old and finding a good relationship and all that would have aged me out of my childbearing years. So I would have missed out on having 2 boys, seeing my oldest be a big brother, watching a 2nd baby grow. There's just so much I would've missed. I don't regret it at all.

It will take time to work through the shock but once you're past it my advice is enjoy it. Kids are great! And I say that while listening to my 5 month old practice his war cries like he thinks he's got a part in Braveheart.

anc9283

Random question and then I'd like to respond to this once I've thought about it. I see all of you have your little ticker showing w each post. I created my ticker but then didn't know what to do with it!! It just gave me the code and I copied it and pasted it but that didn't work... and obviously you can't copy and paste every time you post!

MinnesotaMomma91

Its ok to feel that way. Not all of us moms attatch right away or are even happy right away.

I wasnt really attatched or happy when i first found out. I didnt get attatched to him nor was i happy about him till i heard his heart beat for the first time.

I cant tell you when youll feel better but just know you will. My advice to you though is look for a local mommy group or support group. Check with your doctor about this

sparrowmomma24

Honey, I know how you feel!  My ex and I found out about the baby, and his immediate reaction was to flip out and tell me to abort.  I TTC for years with my ex husband and was told I would never bear children.  Now here is this miracle years later!  So it was a shock that my current ex told me to either abort or pack my things and leave.  I lived 1000 miles from home as well.  Granted, my family has been very supportive and I'm so thankful for that. 

Regardless, it's really tough some days. I'm very happy about this baby, but sometimes I get so angry that I won't get to do things like I wanted. I wanted the cute announcements, the gender reveal parties, and the man who kisses my forehead while we hold our first born together in the delivery room. And that's not going to happen now. But you know, this baby is still my miracle.  

 I hope that someday you feel the same.  I'm here to talk anytime.  I know how frustrating it can be, especially hearing from all those who have what you want.  My inbox is always open. Our due dates aren't far off, so feel free to count me as a new friend! 

Sweetbaby2175

I feel the same way. I was told I couldn't have babies and if I did I wouldn't be able to carry full term. I'm 34 weeks today. BD and I aren't talking. The moment I told him I was pregnant he was out then two months later came back. Two months after that was out again this time telling me with tell our daughter when she is old enough that he is dead. It broke my heart. I can't force him to stay around. People say once baby is here he may change his mind, but how if his family and girlfriend don't know about her.
As for my family they have been very supportive.
I found myself crying a lot the first 3 months. I guess you can say feeling sorry for myself. This isn't how I wanted it to be.
I feel like I have messed up both out lives (my baby and mine) at times I feel very worthless. Just the other night I found myself crying again. Crying for feeling this way, for my baby to be without a father. Crying because ill never know how it will feel like to have that moment when she finally comes into this world and her dad being there. Then I keep telling myself your not the first nor last person this will happen to. But then again who wants to hear that either.

ktedmon

I totally understand how you feel. I ended up pregnant after sleeping with BD once. At 5 weeks, I started bleeding heavily and thought I wa miscarrying. I wasn't happy or sad, but more neutral about it thinking it was just God's plan. Around 10-11 weeks, I bled even more and went to the hospital, yet again. I also started cramping and was overly convinced that I was miscarrying. When they did the unltrasound, I saw little hands and feet moving and I started to crytears of happines. I can't say it was joy, but it was the first time I was happy the baby was ok. It took me a long time to come toterms with the pregnancy and am 24 weeks now. BD has contact me maybe 4-5 times since I told him I was pregnant. He neglected to tell me that he was already involved with someone until I told him I was coming over for a visit (he lives in another state). It was then that he told me he was not only seeing someone else, but she had moved in with him with her two kids. They are no longer together, but come to find out, she is pregnant too. I'm not expecting much from him and don't want anything from him.When our son is older, he can ask his dad why he did all of the things he to me (lying, using, etc.). I even had a close family member strongly suggest I "take care of the problem". My parents are VERY traditional and are not happy that I am going to be doing the single parent thing. They are starting to come around, but it is stressful. Don't worry if you aren't happy,don't feel a connection, or things like that. I totally went through the same thing. I alo felt guily for not feeling a connection and for not being happy. Now that I feel my son move and I know we are kind of past the "danger" point, I feel more connected to him. We are here if you need to talk or vent. I have found this board to be the most helpful and least snarky of any of them. The moms here are so awesome! We are here for you and each other!

MinnesotaMomma91

I was where you are. I didnt get attatched to ds until i was 15 weeks pregnant and heard his heart beat. Hes a week old now and my whole world. I think what your going through is normal and its okay sometimes it just takes time to process everything.

Youll be a great mom you just need to find a support system. Check with your care provider they might be able to point you to a moms group.

eg214

Thanks gals. Things are getting better in the happy to be pregnant department. I heard the hb this week for the first time and feel a little closer/more protective. I think next month when I find out the gender and see baby again, I will be able to be fully happy. It's just very hard because of the loss I had before too, to get close. I am being positive, but regardless of who you are...if you've had a loss...the scary thought is always in the back of your head.