I yelled at a pregnant woman yesterday

sugarland726

She was walking outside with her boyfriend and was approximately 6 months along, smoking. I said something, not entire under my breath but still quietly "Smoking while pregnant? Jeez." I turned around afterwards and she hadn't acknowledged what I said. So I much louder said "You're killing your baby!" I understand that smoking is hard to quit, but FFS. Your fetus doesn't have a say in the matter. Yes, I do judge the shiiiit out of pregnant women who smoke.

nic5606

Strong work mama to be!  I totally would have said the same thing. When I used to be a waitress while in college, I refused to continue to serve a pregnant lady more beer. I got a talking to by the manager.  It was beer and more than one.

 

HereWeGo2014

Good for you!!! 

I'm still bitter about being stuck in the car as a kid with smoking parents and no open windows.  It makes me wonder what our generation is doing now to harm our kids without knowing it or at least realizing just how bad it is.     

Unknown

This content has been removed.

valigrl21

Good for you! I would think it, but I don't think I would ever say it out loud.

gingerbabe

nic5606:

Strong work mama to be!  I totally would have said the same thing. When I used to be a waitress while in college, I refused to continue to serve a pregnant lady more beer. I got a talking to by the manager.  It was beer and more than one.

 

I can't believe your manager didn't support you!

OP good for you! I don't think I'd have the balls tell someone that!

 

sugarland726

wilburbud:

Disclosure- I am a nonsmoker and always have been. I hate smoke. That being said.....

Medical studies and professionals DO state that if you are a heavy smoker, that you actually shouldnt quit cold turkey, as you and your baby will go through withdrawl symptoms....Perhaps thats her situation?

Or perhaps shes a shiiiety person and smokes a pack a day and doesnt care.. lol.

This is definitely worth considering. Obviously I know nothing about this girl, but based on a first impression, I did not get a favorable impression and would not be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would be lovely if I am wrong though.

kschref

I'm definitely on board with the smoking thing, I was a smoker until I got diagnosed with my heart condition and it was "quit or die". Made a deal with DH that he could quit by the time we got married or by the time I got pregnant.  He quit the night before we got married.  We didn't want to be trying to quit while pregnant.

I will confess that out at dinner at a monastery in Prague the other night, DH and his cousin ordered a flight of six beers since the monastery is pretty famous for its beer.  I had a sip of all six, but that added up to about a shot glass worth of beer total.  I don't have a problem with that, but I also would be judgy of someone who drank several.  Wouldn't have served them either. 

SunflowersBride

sugarland726:

wilburbud:

Disclosure- I am a nonsmoker and always have been. I hate smoke. That being said.....

Medical studies and professionals DO state that if you are a heavy smoker, that you actually shouldnt quit cold turkey, as you and your baby will go through withdrawl symptoms....Perhaps thats her situation?

Or perhaps shes a shiiiety person and smokes a pack a day and doesnt care.. lol.

This is definitely worth considering. Obviously I know nothing about this girl, but based on a first impression, I did not get a favorable impression and would not be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would be lovely if I am wrong though.

I just personally couldn't imagine going out in public and smoking while visibly pregnant.  It just looks so...trashy.  If I were pregnant and needed to quit, I would smoke in my own house or out of public view as much as possible. 

JKVanValey

Way to go!!!

I tend to be an under my breath person... In Illinois we have laws about smoking, and I wish everyone would follow them when it says "15 feet away from the entrance"... So when I walk out of a restaurant and someone is leaning on the wall smoking, I cough automatically (but make sure to exaggerate it) and then say, "that's NOT 15 feet and I DON'T want to breathe your bad habit" ... I need to get some guts and say it louder... 2nd hand smoke kills too!

 

-Rant over 

halfthetree

I was a smoker when I found out we were pregnant with our son. I literally quit the second I saw the test. It wasn't hard, and I smoked a pack a day. I can't stand women who smoke while pregnant. It is NOT hard to quit. Just don't smoke, it's easy. I just don't get it.

I should clarify I also found it VERY easy to quit smoking after I had started again last year, after my dad died. So maybe I'm a bit weird in that respect, I don't see quitting as an overly hard task.

MountainRose12

Wow! You attempted to publicly shame someone who obviously has no shame . . . which sounds like a well-intentioned, but futile attempt at convincing someone to do the right the thing.  That's brave and ambitious on your part! 

On a side note, DH and I are working our way through the third season of Man Men.  In last night's episode, Betty Draper was smoking as usual while very pregnant.  It was sort of shocking to see.  Thank God times have changed.  

halfthetree

gingerbabe:

nic5606:

Strong work mama to be!  I totally would have said the same thing. When I used to be a waitress while in college, I refused to continue to serve a pregnant lady more beer. I got a talking to by the manager.  It was beer and more than one.

 

I can't believe your manager didn't support you!

OP good for you! I don't think I'd have the balls tell someone that!

 

I've had to serve a pregnant woman before, it is actually illegal here to not serve her, you could be criminally charged. It is ridiculous. A good friend had to watch a 6 month pregnant woman get wasted at her work once. So terribly sad.

mrsjenni

kschref:

I will confess that out at dinner at a monastery in Prague the other night, DH and his cousin ordered a flight of six beers since the monastery is pretty famous for its beer.  I had a sip of all six, but that added up to about a shot glass worth of beer total.  I don't have a problem with that, but I also would be judgy of someone who drank several.  Wouldn't have served them either. 

Pfft, I sip my DH's beer or wine all the time. I don't sit there and drink the whole thing, but if he opens a beer (which is like once a week), I'm sure as hell stealing the first sip.

BirdieToldMe

While I don't support smoking while pregnant AT ALL, I just try not to judge.  A majority of our grandmothers smoked while pregnant and we now are far more educated about the ramifications; however, I've never walked in that woman's shoes. 

For all we know, she's cut down to one a day.  For all we know, her father just died and she's on the verge of a breakdown.  For all we know, she's 100% doing the best she can.  

Like I said, I would judge, too.  I would just judge silently because I don't know the full story. 

Unknown

This content has been removed.

Winnieella

I would love this if we had a love button

jessicat2283

Good for you. I hate smoking

Dishylo

I smoked off an on before we got pg.  The moment I found out - I quit cold turkey.  It's actually easy if you think of the little being inside of you.....it's not to easy if you're concentrating on yourself and being selfish.

halfthetree

wilburbud:

mrs.jenni:

kschref:

I will confess that out at dinner at a monastery in Prague the other night, DH and his cousin ordered a flight of six beers since the monastery is pretty famous for its beer.  I had a sip of all six, but that added up to about a shot glass worth of beer total.  I don't have a problem with that, but I also would be judgy of someone who drank several.  Wouldn't have served them either. 

Pfft, I sip my DH's beer or wine all the time. I don't sit there and drink the whole thing, but if he opens a beer (which is like once a week), I'm sure as hell stealing the first sip.

Yup. Me too.I probably do this at least once a week. And, further, once I reach about 30 weeks, Ill even sneak a 3oz glass of red wine here or there.  I had a full pint of guiness on st patricks day last time I was pregnant.

Guinness was the ONLY craving I had when pregnant with my son lol it was t fair. I did a half pint with dinner in my third tri and it was better than all the pregnancy sex combined. I absolutely plan on a Guinness and steak again lol

ateal2490

Personally, I would probably be too worried that she wasn't actually pregnant to say anything. 

You can have a six month looking stomach when you're not pregnant, and certainly still have that size belly for some time post-partum.

 

But if she was really pregnant and puffing away, I think its a good thing that you let her know that the world around her is aware of her poor choices, and hopefully she'll take that as a blatant indication that its time to start caring about the health of her unborn child rather than simply caring about herself. 

mommabird77

When I was pregnant with my son a coworker as also pregnant and she smoked a ton. About a pack a day. One day I walkedby her smoking, looked down at my belly and loudly said "aren't you glad I'm your mother and don't smoke!" She was mad but oh well. Also sorry but studies say that smoking while pregnant is very harmful. I think the whole quitting smoking while pregnant causes withdrawals is a cop out. I have even had doctors say it is so much better to just quit. I was a smoker a long time ago and I have absolutely no sympathy for people who smoke, especially pregnant.

jamiecal

wilburbud:

mrs.jenni:

kschref:

I will confess that out at dinner at a monastery in Prague the other night, DH and his cousin ordered a flight of six beers since the monastery is pretty famous for its beer.  I had a sip of all six, but that added up to about a shot glass worth of beer total.  I don't have a problem with that, but I also would be judgy of someone who drank several.  Wouldn't have served them either. 

Pfft, I sip my DH's beer or wine all the time. I don't sit there and drink the whole thing, but if he opens a beer (which is like once a week), I'm sure as hell stealing the first sip.

Yup. Me too.I probably do this at least once a week. And, further, once I reach about 30 weeks, Ill even sneak a 3oz glass of red wine here or there.  I had a full pint of guiness on st patricks day last time I was pregnant.

I've had a couple absolutely delicious sips of beer this summer, and I'll be having a small glass of wine or beer as I get toward the end. I would totally have a problem with someone drinking more often or ordering more than one though, like PP had at her table.  Not ok!

OP, I think you're my new hero. My SIL didn't smoke while pregnant, but she smokes around her kids enough that it's not safe.  Can you have some words for her too?  Mine haven't been effective so far!

LeannFran

Wow! Good for you. It's so sad that people don't respect their growing child

blue_elle

MarBee1214:

wilburbud:

Disclosure- I am a nonsmoker and always have been. I hate smoke. That being said.....

Medical studies and professionals DO state that if you are a heavy smoker, that you actually shouldnt quit cold turkey, as you and your baby will go through withdrawl symptoms....Perhaps thats her situation?

Or perhaps shes a shiiiety person and smokes a pack a day and doesnt care.. lol.

 

 

 

This... when I first became a nurse I judged alot of my patients....I try really hard not to now unless I know I have all the facts.  I hope this woman is trying to quit or maybe your comment got her thinking! 

 

Or maybe she was like the poster a couple weeks ago (I think it was this board) who had a medical condition that caused her to look very pregnant when not. Or the girl I read an article about last night with bloating so severe she looks 6 months along after eating a cracker.

Sorry, but I don't think it's your place to yell at this girl. You don't know the situation and you're not going to be the lightbulb that changes her world by jumping down her throat. The only thing you did was make yourself feel better.

 

indiana101

BirdieToldMe:

While I don't support smoking while pregnant AT ALL, I just try not to judge.  A majority of our grandmothers smoked while pregnant and we now are far more educated about the ramifications; however, I've never walked in that woman's shoes. 

For all we know, she's cut down to one a day.  For all we know, her father just died and she's on the verge of a breakdown.  For all we know, she's 100% doing the best she can.  

Like I said, I would judge, too.  I would just judge silently because I don't know the full story. 

This. All of this. I'm a non-smoker and hate smoking however you have no idea of her situation. Trying to make another mother feel like crap? Classy. I hope the next time you are doing something others may judge because they disagree with it (for whatever reasons, health or not) that you get yelled at and shamed in public.

'OMG why isn't her child wearing shoes?!' (because they fell off before you noticed them.

'Hey Lady, why the hell are you feeding your baby formula? Don't you know it kills babies!'

'Clean your babies nose! What a lazy mother!' Sometimes their noses are running before we notice straight away.

It must be nice to be perfect and to be able to judge strangers on the street and yell at them without knowing any of the facts. As a mother already, I would have thought you would have had more common sense than that.

CaliCarly77

GOOD FOR YOU!!! 

My husband is shorter than BOTH of his parents and pretty much all of his family, his mom smoked the whole way through pregnancy, and didn't gain any weight (she is rail thin). I have NO DOUBT that this poor health is related to his height.  

sugarland726

indiana101:

This. All of this. I'm a non-smoker and hate smoking however you have no idea of her situation. Trying to make another mother feel like crap? Classy. I hope the next time you are doing something others may judge because they disagree with it (for whatever reasons, health or not) that you get yelled at and shamed in public.

 

'OMG why isn't her child wearing shoes?!' (because they fell off before you noticed them. Won't cause health problems in the baby.

'Hey Lady, why the hell are you feeding your baby formula? Don't you know it kills babies!' Won't cause health problems in the baby.

'Clean your babies nose! What a lazy mother!' Sometimes their noses are running before we notice straight away. Won't cause health problems in the baby.

It must be nice to be perfect and to be able to judge strangers on the street and yell at them without knowing any of the facts. As a mother already, I would have thought you would have had more common sense than that.

Nice try with your examples, but they are not comparable with smoking while pregnant. Not at all. If it has to do with the safety of a child, then yes, I'll say something. Child not in a car seat in a moving vehicle? That's a problem. As for the rest of trying to make me feel guilty? Not happening.

indiana101

sugarland726:

indiana101:

This. All of this. I'm a non-smoker and hate smoking however you have no idea of her situation. Trying to make another mother feel like crap? Classy. I hope the next time you are doing something others may judge because they disagree with it (for whatever reasons, health or not) that you get yelled at and shamed in public.

 

'OMG why isn't her child wearing shoes?!' (because they fell off before you noticed them. Won't cause health problems in the baby.

'Hey Lady, why the hell are you feeding your baby formula? Don't you know it kills babies!' Won't cause health problems in the baby.

'Clean your babies nose! What a lazy mother!' Sometimes their noses are running before we notice straight away. Won't cause health problems in the baby.

It must be nice to be perfect and to be able to judge strangers on the street and yell at them without knowing any of the facts. As a mother already, I would have thought you would have had more common sense than that.

Nice try with your examples, but they are not comparable with smoking while pregnant. Not at all. If it has to do with the safety of a child, then yes, I'll say something. Child not in a car seat in a moving vehicle? That's a problem. As for the rest of trying to make me feel guilty? Not happening.

Glad you feel vindicated to judge others, I'm even more glad I don't know you IRL, you sound like a real peach.

Winnieella

indiana101:

BirdieToldMe:

While I don't support smoking while pregnant AT ALL, I just try not to judge.  A majority of our grandmothers smoked while pregnant and we now are far more educated about the ramifications; however, I've never walked in that woman's shoes. 

For all we know, she's cut down to one a day.  For all we know, her father just died and she's on the verge of a breakdown.  For all we know, she's 100% doing the best she can.  

Like I said, I would judge, too.  I would just judge silently because I don't know the full story. 

This. All of this. I'm a non-smoker and hate smoking however you have no idea of her situation. Trying to make another mother feel like crap? Classy. I hope the next time you are doing something others may judge because they disagree with it (for whatever reasons, health or not) that you get yelled at and shamed in public.

'OMG why isn't her child wearing shoes?!' (because they fell off before you noticed them.

'Hey Lady, why the hell are you feeding your baby formula? Don't you know it kills babies!'

'Clean your babies nose! What a lazy mother!' Sometimes their noses are running before we notice straight away.

It must be nice to be perfect and to be able to judge strangers on the street and yell at them without knowing any of the facts. As a mother already, I would have thought you would have had more common sense than that.

But the issue is putting your baby in harms way. Those don't harm your baby, smoking while pregnant does. I really don't see why someone would willing harm their child.

growingmybun

[quote Sorry, but I don't think it's your place to yell at this girl. You don't know the situation and you're not going to be the lightbulb that changes her world by jumping down her throat. The only thing you did was make yourself feel better.nbsp;

Completely agree. You're lucky that she didn't flip out on you. I'm not a smoker, but if a stranger was that critical of me unprovoked, I'd be furious.

Chelsea33833

Wow... Don't be so quick to judge. To each their own. You can only take care of yourself. Start with minding your own business...

ashleywiz

CaliCarly77:

GOOD FOR YOU!!!nbsp;My husband is shorter than BOTH of his parents and pretty much all of his family, his mom smoked the whole way through pregnancy, and didn't gain any weight she is rail thin. I have NO DOUBT that this poor health is related to his height. nbsp;

That's me too!!!! I'm the shortest and my mom smoked with me and though she did gain while pregnant, she flopped back to her itsy bitsy self in .2! Boo smoking!!!

Cewilliams207554

I totally understand what you mean! I knew a lady from my job who already had eight kids and she was pregnant. She came through the bank drive thru smoking and i asked her if she had her baby. She told me no, she was due next week! So of course i laid into her about smoking! About a week later she came back into the bank and she had given birth. I asked her where her baby was. She said in the hospital, she is having trouble breathing! I almost smacked her!

AshleyDoll

I have a friend who is due 3 days after I am and she smokes and smoked throughout her whole pregnancy with her firstborn son. Irks the crap out of me that with all the research and data out there about smoking while pregnant, that people still sit there and care more about themselves and what they want than their poor little innocent child who can't make the decision. I think it's pretty dang selfish to smoke or drink or do drugs while pregnant. You really are only thinking about you, your craving, whatever excuse you may have. It sickens me.

ccip82

Chelsea33833:

Wow... Don't be so quick to judge. To each their own. You can only take care of yourself. Start with minding your own business...

Oh puh-lease....really??

While I probably would not have done what Sugar did, statements like yours make me laugh....

Since I was not there, I cannot say how I would have reacted-but FTR smoking while pregnant is absolutely disgusting and I could give two shiits about any "extenuating circumstances" the mother may have. She is still harming her baby and there is no excuse for that...