Going to visit friend who m/ced

alinafed

Hey ladies,

Not purely asking for advice but if you have any would be great to have it thrown my way.

Basically this girl knew about my MC over the holidays... when we were trying again in April we found out she was pregnant. I found out I was a couple weeks after we heard this news, but then we heard she had an MC. She actually reached out to me to help her through it because she doesn't know anyone else who has had them.

So in mid-May we met up and I gave her some advice and shared my MC experience and heard her story. I was actually pregnant at this time and felt a bit guilty about hiding it (I did tell her we were trying again). We only know each other through our husbands and that was the first time we hung out separately, so I haven't heard from her much since.

They invited us over this week and I had my DH tell her guy our news and offer to not come if it was too soon/too hard. They said to come.

So here are my ideas for tonight:

-still ask how they are doing

-not talk too much about my pregnancy

Anything else?

Saltina11

I think that sounds like a good plan, but I say that as someone who has not had one.

LittleMommaBlueHen

I think that your plan sounds good.  I know when my SIL miscarried while I was pregnant with DD she was a little blindsided by emotions the first time we got together after she lost her baby (which actually then happened in reverse when I miscarried as she was days away from having her rainbow baby).  Don't be surprised if your friend is struggling a bit during your visit.  Along with not talking too much about your pregnancy, do not complain about any of your pregnancy symptoms.  I had a friend do that shortly after my miscarriage and it took a lot for me not to lose it then and there.

goldenB

Chances are your friend sees you as someone who gives her hope. After all, you also had a m/c so she knows you can relate to what she must be feeling. Having a m/c is a very isolating journey of silent suffering. For me, I relied heavily on friends who had gone through it and it gave me a sense of reassurement, courage, and hope. Others just didn't know what to say or weren't sensitive enough. 
That being said, have you considered emailing her before you see her and saying something along the lines of "I know that you are happy for us, but I also understand it can be painful for you. I want to you to know that it's okay. Please consider me someone you can talk to about anything. I want to be there for you. I want to hug you and cry with you. We both will always share in the connection that only two mothers who lost a baby would understand".
I hope it goes well and she is receptive towards you. She will most likely be very happy for you and ask you questions about your pregnancy or even trying to conceive again. keep us posted.

Dishylo

I would let them lead the conversation at the beginning.  It's very likely that they will be the ones to say "congratulations" etc.  Then - go on with normal convos; weather, Canada day long weekend, what you have planned for the summer, any holidays, work etc etc.  If she brings up babies or m/c, then speak with her about it but if she doesn't, take that as a hint that she's not quite ready to go there yet but she's making an effort.

SvedkaStoli

alinafed:

-still ask how they are doing

-not talk too much about my pregnancy

This sounds good to me; just go with the flow, if she is uncomfortable, don't talk about it at all. If she wants a shoulder, there you are...