Telling siblings — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Telling siblings

We haven't told our 6 year old about losing the baby yet, every time I try to bring it up I just get emotional and shut down. I know its important to tell her right away, but she was so excited for a brother or sister im terrified that im going to break her heart. How do I break the news to her?  Any suggestions, or personal experience with this?  Thank you in advance... XO

Re: Telling siblings

  • 15 years ago I had a mc and my son was 5 at the time. I avoided it hoping he'd forget well he didn't. I finally sat him down and told him God needed our baby to be his special angel and we weren't going to get to have it right now that we would be able to get another one later.

    Only drawback was when I got pregnant to his now brother 5 months later he asked me if God was going to take this baby too. Now we did wait until I was about 15 weeks to tell him since I'd lost the other at 14 weeks.

    I'm sorry for your loss, I remember telling my son was so difficult. Good luck.
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  • INJSrbINJSrb member

    My DS is too young to understand, so I have not had the experience of needing to tell a child.  I know this will be so hard for you; we all want so badly to protect our children from pain.  My thoughts are with you and your family.  

    Maybe tell her even though you're still very emotional and let her see how sad you are.  You will be showing her that its okay to express grief and that we survive even the most difficult of life events.  Maybe you could ask her if there is something she'd like to do to mourn the loss.  

    I wish you the best with this conversation.  Please let us know how it goes.  

    Btw, you have a beautiful family.  You were such a lovely bride! 

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  • So sorry for your loss. My situation was very similar, 6 year old daughter very excited to have a sibling.. I wish we wouldn't have told her we were expecting at all. I found out I had suffered the loss at my 12 week mark. 

    We told her that the doctors were wrong and we weren't going to have a baby this year after all. She was crushed and cried a lot. I did not tell her about my surgery or that the baby had died, although she did ask what happened to the baby. I tried to keep it as simple as possible.

    We are trying again starting this month and if i do get pregnant again, I will wait a lot longer.

    Good luck to you.  

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  • Just another thought. Maybe you can plant a tree as a memory of the baby.

    I'm actually going to plant something. I was on vacation when the baby actually died but I didn't know it and every day we passed a house that had the most beautiful hydrangea. My MIL was with us and is going to look for one since I've never seen one like that in our area and she sees them all the time and she says now that I've pointed it out she thinks of this pregnancy too. My son is now 14 and he didn't get that upset but I'm going to do it for us.
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  • I'm sorry for your loss. My dd is 5. She was with me at the Dr when we found out the babys heart stopped beating. She grabbed me and said mommy it's okay god needed our baby more than we did, god is healing our baby and now we have our very own angel watching us. One day mommy we will get our baby that will be with us here tohold, feed and cuddle. She really helped me cope with our loss two weeks ago. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
    Me and DH 27 DD 4.5 TTC since June 2011 once IUD was removed Irregular AF since removal Fertilaid 9/2012-10/2012 finally regularity with AF 11/2012 spotting for a week no AF
  • Thank you everyone for your input on this, I will update once we tell her and let everyone know how it went.
  • image apietro1027:
    I'm sorry for your loss. My dd is 5. She was with me at the Dr when we found out the babys heart stopped beating. She grabbed me and said mommy it's okay god needed our baby more than we did, god is healing our baby and now we have our very own angel watching us. One day mommy we will get our baby that will be with us here tohold, feed and cuddle. She really helped me cope with our loss two weeks ago. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    Oh wow, I truly cried when I read this. Your DD rocks.

    To OP, I haven't been in your shoes but I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck on speaking with your DD.  

    ETA: I agree with the PP about how gorgeous your family is, just beautiful.  



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  • image Mustardseed2007:

    image apietro1027:
    I'm sorry for your loss. My dd is 5. She was with me at the Dr when we found out the babys heart stopped beating. She grabbed me and said mommy it's okay god needed our baby more than we did, god is healing our baby and now we have our very own angel watching us. One day mommy we will get our baby that will be with us here tohold, feed and cuddle. She really helped me cope with our loss two weeks ago. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    Oh wow, I truly cried when I read this. Your DD rocks.

    To OP, I haven't been in your shoes but I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck on speaking with your DD.  

    ETA: I agree with the PP about how gorgeous your family is, just beautiful.  

     

    Thank you both, so much! They are my world.

  • It still makes me cry when I read or think about how strong she has been. I wish I could be that strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you all during this heartbreaking time! I have faith to know we will all get our bfp! Lots of baby dust!
    Me and DH 27 DD 4.5 TTC since June 2011 once IUD was removed Irregular AF since removal Fertilaid 9/2012-10/2012 finally regularity with AF 11/2012 spotting for a week no AF
  • theththeth
    First Comment First Anniversary
    member
    We were very honest with our boys. Both of them are 5. We just told them very simply, our baby had died in mommy's belly. Our oldest, Ben, wanted the facts. The reasons, the whys. Of course we didn't have any answers, but tried to comfort him by explaining that the doctor was trying to find out. Our youngest, our emotional child, cried, declaring that he wanted a baby. We explained to them that this was no one's fault, our baby is in heaven and one day will see it again. We made ourselves available for any questions and have let them know that any emotions are acceptable!
  • DawnBADawnBA
    First Comment
    member
    image Jenrileysmom:
    So sorry for your loss. My situation was very similar, 6 year old daughter very excited to have a sibling.. I wish we wouldn't have told her we were expecting at all. I found out I had suffered the loss at my 12 week mark.nbsp;We told her that the doctors were wrong and we weren't going to have a baby this year after all. She was crushed and cried a lot. I did not tell her about my surgery or that the baby had died, although she did ask what happened to the baby. I tried to keep it as simple as possible. We are trying again starting this month and if i do get pregnant again, I will wait a lot longer. Good luck to you. nbsp;
    7/1/13 - dx blighted ovum
    ~TTC #3~
    DD #2 - 10/16/08
    DD #1 - 4/13/07
  • DawnBADawnBA
    First Comment
    member

    Ugh, sorry about the above post - I actually wrote something after the quote but it didn't post (stupid phone). It won't let me delete it. 

     Mainly I said that we didn't tell my girls that I was pregnant, but if we did have to break the news about my loss I would probably say something like the person I quoted.  But that I think your religious views play a big part in what you say (we're not religious).

     I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    7/1/13 - dx blighted ovum
    ~TTC #3~
    DD #2 - 10/16/08
    DD #1 - 4/13/07
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