Infertility

Lost my optimism today. Just venting.

I'm just venting because no one else gets it really. I've been pretty optimistic until today. This morning I had no symptoms which is fine at 4dp5dt, but not I'm a little crampy and just feel like that can't be good. Then, I had the realization that this actually may not work. Would be my luck. I'm really pissy and feel like I could rip someone's head off so that's not helping. I did tell DH that I just have a bad feeling about it so he wasn't too let down next week at beta. I just feel like I've had to be positive for everyone, when in reality, deep down, I'll be shocked if anything gets me pregnant. Okay, this was a really crappy post but everyone around me is so flipping happy today and I can't stand it. Sorry for being blah, but I know you'll all understand.

BabyFruit Ticker

 ttc #2 since 2004 Me (35): Stage 3 Endo, DH (34): High DNA Frag

IVF/ICSI #2: April 2014: BFP!!!!!!

ET of 2 great quality embryos. + BFP on 9dp5dt. Beta #1 (10dp5dt): 257, Beta #2 (14dp5dt): 1561,

Beta #3 (21dp5d5): 8,172. Wow. It seems this is actually working. Shocked beyond belief.

1st u/s @6w5d: Baby A hb 124, Baby B hb 127 (Both measuring perfectly!)

Lost baby A. Praying that baby B stays healthy. Baby B hb 175 at 11 weeks

It's a GIRL!!!

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My Blog

Re: Lost my optimism today. Just venting.

  • I'm so sorry your having a bad day! Try not to give up hope!!

    Married my best friend on 9.6.11 
    Me 31 DH 29 
    TTC since 12/2011 
    Me - all normal test results 
    DH - SA #1, #2 and #3 - 0% morphology 
    Straight to IVF w/ ICSI 
    April 3 - start date for BC 
    April 18 - tentative start date for injections 
    Tentative IVF dates: ER - 4/27 and ET - 5/3!! DELAYED.
    IVF #1 - May 6 - Estrace
    May 17 - started injections!
    ER and ET end of May!! BFFN :(
    FET #1 - June 28th - BFP!!!! :)
    Beta #1 - 164, Beta #2 - 381
    1st u/s 7/16/13 - 2 sacs with yolks! 1 smaller than the other - Possible Twins?! 
    2nd u/s 7/26/13 - 1 healthy baby with heartbeat of 123bpm! Second sac empty. Next u/s 8/5/13.
    8/5/13 (7w2d) - no heartbeat. Lost our precious LO :-/
    D&C on 8/12/13 - finally neg hcg 2 months later on 10/3/13.
    Saline Songram on 10/10/13 - found polyp :-( post-poned again.
    Hysteroscopy on 10/29/13.
    FET #2 - BFP!!!! :-) 
    Beta #1 - 265, Beta #2 - 692
    12/24-12/28 (6w) - lost our LO (2nd miscarriage in a row)
    RPL panel and Karyotyping; results all normal!
    Started bcp's 1/24/14; saline sonogram 1/30/14 - All clear!!
    IVF #2 02/15/14; ER 02/26/14 - freeze all due to mild OHSS. 
    7 blasts; PGD on all 7 - all 7 normal!!!
    FET #3 4/8/14; BFP!! :-)
    Beta #1 - 235, Beta #2 - 539
    1st u/s - It's TWINS!!!!
    2nd u/s- both babies measuring on track! Heartbeats of 118 and 122!!
    EDD: Christmas Day!!!

    ** ALL ARE WELCOMED **

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    image  photo 866da40f5178fed79efe23fc8a4e8a_zps4498a9cc.jpgimage 
  • I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  It's ok though.  We all have our days.  No advice to give.....just wanted you to know I understand.  We have our appointment with our RE who's been on vacation for 2 weeks, this Tuesday, July 2nd, and after 3 failed IUI's we need some direction and some hope.  It totally felt like 3 strikes/BFN's and we're out.  Trying to be hopeful, but I don't know that he will have anything good to tell us.  Just acknowledging that IF is such a terrible journey to be on.  At least we all support one another and can only hope we "graduate" from this board, right? Big Smile   Hang in there....

    ************** Siggy Warning************


    Married August 2012 -- Me (40 yrs old) My husband (45 yrs. old) 

    RE referral from ObGYN in late Jan. 2013 -- Testing Confirms Unexplained IF 

    IUI #"s1 - 3 (Femara + IUI) April - June 2013 - all BFN

      Decided to do IVF... Began stimming on September 10th!  Egg Retrieval 9/20/13.  19 eggs: 6 to mature to freeze after 6 fertilized with ICSI

     3 morula stage embryos transferred on 9/25/13.....Beta #1 on 10/4/13/ = 7.5  Beta #2 on 10/6/13 =  negative

      IVF#2 - Lupron plan  (set to begin on 10/28/13)  (Planning on thawing and fertilizing our 6 eggs with ICSI as well as all of the mature eggs they retrieve with this fresh cycle.)

     Late October 2013 - ectopic pregnancy - methotrexate injection....benched 3 months

    CD1 - 12/5/13...Lupron set to start on 12/26/13; CD1 - 1/2/14....Baseline 1/3/14....begin follistim tonight and continue with lupron.  (Got my calendar today!  IVF#2 is a go!)

    ER = 1/14/14  (11 eggs....9 were mature. 9 fertilized.  Of the 6 mature eggs we thawed, only 4 fertilized.  At this time, we have 13 eggs fertilized and growing.  Waiting for news about a 3-day or 5-day transfer.)

    ET = 1/19/14  (5dt).....3 blastocysts transferred!   (All nine embryos didn't make it to freeze.  =(  )

    Beta #1 = 1/28/14   (2 weeks after ER)  BFP! 209 (9dp5dt)   EDD 10/7/14

    Beta #2 - 1/30/14  (11 dp5dt) 302

    Beta #3 - 2/3/14  (15 dp5dt)  1222 

    Ultrasound set for 2/17/14......TWINS!        Twin A - HR 124 bpm; Twin B - HR 126 bpm

    Final Ultrasound with RE 3/10/14 - Twin A - HR 176 bpm; Twin B - HR 177 bpm.

     PAIF/SAIF Welcome! 

     

     

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  • krdesikrdesi member
    I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Try not to lose hope! You never know!

    **Siggy/Ticker Warning**   

             image
                  TTC #1 since May 2012

                  May 2013: First R.E. appointment

                  DH: SA is good

                   May 2013: CD3 Blood work-normal
               June 2013: Hsg-Right tube blocked

                   July 26, 2013: Starting Follistim for IVF #1

                  August 2013: IVF #1 Cancelled- Abnormal embryos

             October/November 2013: IVF #2 w/ICSI

                        November 8, 2013: Transferred two early blasts (no frosties) 

    November 18, 2013: First EVER BFP! 

    Beta#1: 91  Beta#2: 288

    1st U/S- 5w2d Saw yolk sac!

    3rd U/S- 7w4d HB of 157bpm!

    TEAM BLUE!

           http://movingtolight.blogspot.com/

          imageimage

                                        BabyFruit Ticker

                                        BabyFetus Ticker

  • I'm sorry today is so crappy :. I'll be keeping my fx for you.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Anniversary

    TTC since 2008
    Dh:34, no issues.  Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
    4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
    Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
     6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
    1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized.  2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
    Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
    2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!!  5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP!  Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9  Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2  Beta 3  14dp5dt: 497  Please be our sticky rainbow baby!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


    imageimage
  • Vent away :).  A lot of people don't show symptoms this early.  I'm 5dp5dt and I don't think I am feeling any real symptoms.  I'm driving myself crazy because I am over analyzing everything, wondering if that is a symptom.  I know it's hard, but try to stay positive!!
  • Don't count yourself out yet! That little one in there needs you to stay as positive as possible, even though I KNOW it's so hard sometimes. I hated having that realization all of a sudden too that it really may not work. It's such a heart wrenching feeling.

    Hang in there, we are all rooting you on!

    Anniversary
  • Oh beachy....I am right there with you!  I was all good until yesterday and now I just feel so back to normal that it doesn't feel like it could even be possible!  I of course couldn't resist poas stick today (reminding myself it is way too early) and still a bfn.  I don't know why I am letting this all get the best of me but I think probably because there was so much invested in this cycle!  I am not sure I will be able to do this all again.  Hang in there beachy!  I am thinking of you and will keep checking in!
  • Don't worry I feel the same exact way! Its ok to feel down and negative this is a very tough process! I haven't even started and I am just scared and nervous asking to myself what if it doest work". I will keep u in my prayers hugs
  • Thank you ladies. I feel bad venting so negatively since I'm usually not like that at all, but darn it, this sucks! After I posted that, I started crying one of those ugly cries and DH, although scared of my freak out, was able to calm me down. I think it all started today because we dropped off my DS with my dad (and his nutty wife) for a fun weekend and my dad, who doesn't really understand that IVF doesn't automatically work, said, "I'm so excited for your news!" I'm like, what freaking news? One, DS has NO idea what we're doing. So, I had to pull my dad aside and explain that it's not a 100% deal and there isn't really news yet. That's when I realized that this might not work and I felt like I'd be letting so many people down, mainly DH. Luckily, DH is a sweet guy and promised me that no matter what, it's not my fault if this doesn't work. Although I feel differently, at least he won't blame me.

    Then, we went to see The Heat. I swear, it's the funniest movie ever, if you are into crude humor. I was laughing so hard I snorted multiple times! If laughter is good for implantation, I should be good for today. Seriously, you all have to see it!!

    BabyFruit Ticker

     ttc #2 since 2004 Me (35): Stage 3 Endo, DH (34): High DNA Frag

    IVF/ICSI #2: April 2014: BFP!!!!!!

    ET of 2 great quality embryos. + BFP on 9dp5dt. Beta #1 (10dp5dt): 257, Beta #2 (14dp5dt): 1561,

    Beta #3 (21dp5d5): 8,172. Wow. It seems this is actually working. Shocked beyond belief.

    1st u/s @6w5d: Baby A hb 124, Baby B hb 127 (Both measuring perfectly!)

    Lost baby A. Praying that baby B stays healthy. Baby B hb 175 at 11 weeks

    It's a GIRL!!!

    imageimageimage

     

     

    My Blog

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