When do you know when you?re ready?

mmille19

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I really need some opinions and support. I have been married for almost 3 years and am 26 years old. DH and I have been thinking of TTGP for about a year but things have yet to fall into place exactly as we want. I know people always say that things will never be perfect and if you wait for the right time it will never happen. I honestly don?t know if we are not ready or if I am just scared. I feel like whenever I really try to plan our future I get seriously freaked and have a mini panic attack. I know a part of me is just making excuses because a baby is such a big deal and i don't want to mess it up. I want children so bad but it is such a scary step to take. I think I worry about to many things and I don?t think DH worries enough. If it was up to him we would already have a LO.

I commute 45 minutes to work. I really like my job and don?t want to leave it and but I don?t know it will work with a LO. We are also renting a basement apartment. Basically it is a great setup, and a lot cheaper than smaller apartments in our area but it still doesn?t feel like ?our? space. And with a baby I want to have that feeling of having our own space. Daycare also worries me and being kind of far from both of our families suck too. Those are the main things i worry about but honestly those are things we cant change now. We are staying in our area because of our jobs, we dont want to move out of our apartment yet because it is so cheap and is giving us the chance to save money, and we will probably away be an hour away from family. Ugh. I don?t know.

When did you feel you were ready to start having children? Am i being too picky? A part of me thinks wait another year is the right choice but a large part just keeps feeling like things aren't going to change that much in a year and we will never have things ?perfect?. We are happy with our life now and I know we will be even more happy with a LO around. 

mmille19

whoa...sorry about all that random stuff before the first paragraph. I also realized that this might fit better into "babies on the brain" 

thatmissamanda

I think you answered your own question.  I don't think that life is ever at the "perfect" spot when you know you will be ready for it.  I think you just have to do it and hope for the best.  Everything always works out in the end.

modernfairytale8709

Beth&Derek:

If you're having panic attacks when you think about planning for a child, I don't think you're ready.

My husband and I waited until last year because that's when everything fell into place for us. The biggest things that happened were that my job opened a daycare for employees and my H got a significant raise. Nothing will ever be perfect, but at that point, we felt good about starting to ttc because all of the things that had been making us wait before were no longer an issue.

This.

NEF12812

When we started TTC we were definitely not where we wanted to be. We were living with roommates and paycheck to paycheck, but we knew we were ready emotionally and it just felt right. We found out we were pregnant a week after we moved into our own home and everything started coming together. 

It has a way of working itself out. It may take you a while (sometimes a long while) to conceive once you start trying. 

jenskurn

No one can tell you when you are ready but you. When we were trying for my daughter I had a lot of the same types of concerns, but my desire for children outweighed them. Having said that, once you have a baby your life won't even remotely resemble what it is now. Your priorties change and the things you are streased about might not even matter. That isn't necessarily a good or bad thing. It may not be easy, but all of the details you worry about just work out. I would talk to your husband and see where he stands. It might make you feel better.

mrs_tacos

To be honest? You don't sound picky, you sound like you're making excuses. I'm all for waiting until a couple feels ready, but letting your fears talk you out of something you really want is a horrible way to live life. Marriage can be scary, but you did that and are now happy. I'm sure it's not perfect because no marriage is, but you seem to love it. I'm sure having your baby will be the same way.

mmille19

I guess "panic attack" is a bad choice of words on my part. Im an emotional person my nature and my body is very sensitive to that. Maybe a better choice of words would just be to call it an upset stomach.

kinge16

yeah i agree. For me at least, panic attacks = not ready.

I used to day dream about babies a lot and loved other peoples. But when it came time for us to really actually start, I kept putting it off. Not this month because of x, not next month because of y. OK I will go and get a doc appoint just to see.  We took baby steps (hahah) and eventually found ourselves ready. 

Make a list of the things you want to do before baby, and start checking them off. That way you feel like you are moving toward your goal without making that leap.

good luck! 

tealowl

Here's how s/o and I got ready. Via text messages:

Mr. Teal: "Aw man, I love babies. I want one."
Me: "Me too! We should have one."
Mr. Teal: "Yeah? Let's do this."
Me: "Really? Because I'm ready like, now. I'm almost 32 so I kinda want get on this."
Mr. Teal: "Let's have a child together."

Ta da!

merebear09

You're never fully ready, blah blah blah. However!

I say this as a natural worrier: you should wait until the thought doesn't make you feel like vomiting/run screaming/having heart palpitations. When your desire for a baby overcomes the (natural) fear of bringing a brand new life into this imperfect world, then you are ready. When you say, "Know what? Let's do it!" and feel more excitement than trepidation, then you are ready.

Unless there is an age or known fertility issue, give yourself a little time, and get ready in whatever ways you need to.