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3rd Trimester
Indepth Details of Birth
Pretty self-explanatory; I need indepth details of birth. I'm a first time mom that is pretty ignorant. Specifically I'm wondering about all the bad and ugly aspects of birth so I'm prepared.
My doctor isn't very good at being upfront with information and when I ask questions she often doesn't answer them or gives the bare minimum information necessary or kind of bluntly says it is out of her control. I feel like the system is set up to process and treat women like mindless cattle who are just supposed to accept the way things are and not ask questions. I'm frustrated. I've spent months searching for information. Some of it's true, some of it's not. Some of it isn't even mentioned in some accounts but is in others.
I was upset that it seems to be a very invasive situation during a vaginal or c-section situation and that the providers don't always explain what to expect or what is happening. I just took a child birth class and was severely disappointed that it didn't even include the info I had verified with my OB-GYN such as the expression of blood clots, et cetera. I was even more horrified when I read this article: https://rebirthnurse.blogspot.com/2008/09/what-happens-in-c-section.html - which lead to research and more horror about what happens.
I'm very upset at disturbed at the thought that I could have been caught by surprise, scared, or upset with a situation just because no one had informed me that this is how it was done or what they were doing or would be doing.
So please, please - do me a favor, and tell me all of the things I can expect, especially good or bad.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Indepth Details of Birth
You should find one that is useful. Seriously. Or find a L&D nurse to talk about it.
If you're at a good hospital, you can ask questions, your nurses WILL answer them and your OB won't be around until it's time to push for the most part.
As I mentiond:
I'd rather be overloaded but prepared than scared and upset. I'm a pretty practical person in so far as I understand medical necessity dictates a lot of it - and basically a lot of it is what it is. But I'm pretty sure for me, it makes it worse not knowing, getting surprised, and then being afraid/upset because I have no time to cope with the reality of it. I'd rather be able to deal with it ahead of time than to be surprised at the time and make the situation worse with the fear/tension that complicates the birth.
I don't have any reliable female relatives or friends. I moved to Texas about a year ago and haven't really been in situations where I could meet real friends.
I don't really need a set way things go like a birth plan - I want knowledge not just power.
I would highly recommend that you read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.
Have you tried watching a couple videos of babies actually being born? That might be helpful.
I mean, I agree with PP that you may or may not want to know ALL the possible scenarios. But you should probably watch a video of a vaginal birth (medicated and unmedicated if you can find both) and a c-section.
I've done both the epi and epi-free vaginal deliveries (one of the epi-frees was a pitocin induction).
First labors and GENERALLY longest/er. But that could mean anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days. First babies GENERALLY gestate longest/er. I believe avg is 41 weeks 1 day. You may go into labor by your water breaking or by contractions coming on in regular and increasing frequency and intensity. You may be induced for a variety of reasons (pre-e, hypertension, gestational diabetes, some other medical condition, going X days past EDD, etc.). You may need a c-section - scheduled (if baby is breech) or emergency (they don't think they can delivery baby safely in the timeline your body seems to be working on).
It is common for hospitals to use pitocin to augment labor particularly if you get the epi or if you come in but your contractions are not as frequent or intense as they think they should be. If you have strong opinions against this - you might want to discuss it ahead of time with your OB.
If you get the epi, your hospital may want you to wait until you get to X cm dilated before you get it. Or they may let you get it as soon as you walk in. The epi is nervewracking to get administered but USUALLY heaven once in and SOOO worth it. I did have trouble pushing right/effectively with my epi during my first delivery since I had never done it before and I couldn't feel much down there. It is most scary when the anest. is there to administer the epi, you are already nervous about him potentially paralyzing you for the rest of your life, then he tells you not to move a muscle and you get a contraction while he is administering it. But it happens every day.
I think I did have a bowel movement on the bed during my first delivery but I wasn't aware of it then (DH told me, after being asked by me, only years later). That is common. I was watching myself deliver the baby in the mirror and I don't even remember it.
I ripped quite a bit with my first. Some docs think ripping is better. Some prefer an episiotomy. If you have strong opinions, talk to your OB. I had a lot of trouble with pain in the area of the stitches after my delivery. Like a week later I still teared up when I tried to roll over in bed. I finally figured out that taking shallow baths several times a day helped a lot.
The ring of fire (crowning) is no joke and I was able to feel that even through the epi (though not nearly as bad as my unmedicated deliveries).
It is common for the doc to ask you to stop or slow down while the head is delivered to allow your vag to stretch as much as it possibly can without tearing. They also may ask you to pause once the head is out so that they can remove the cord from the neck (if needed) or suction the mouth and nose (if needed). Then they will either tug on the baby, let it come out on its own, or have you push to get the rest of baby out.
If you get an epi you will most likely get a catheter since you can't tell when you need to pee and you certainly can't get up to go.
The delivery is gross. Lots of blood and goo and the placenta is disgusting looking. That said, I have a very woozy DH and he did just fine. In fact, we agreed he would not cut the cord, but in the moment he wanted to - and did.
I wasn't even aware of them delivering my placenta (they massaged my abdomen to help it come out shortly after the birth). And I was hardly aware of them stitching me up. I was much more involved in watching my new baby on my chest and being weighed, cleaned up, footprinted, etc.
It may not go as you planned. I had a doctor I had never met deliver my second child because she came so fast and he was the only OB in the hospital at the time. I didn't care.
With my third, it was a scheduled induction and my doc still missed the actual delivery b/c my baby had been sunnyside up and then finally turned and basically delivered herself almost immediately. I went from stalled for 2 hours at 7 cm to outside baby within 60 seconds. She was literally caught by nurses and barely. The doc got there in time to deliver the placenta.
I can't speak to c-sections. Really though, I wouldn't freak yourself out with all the possible bad things that can happen. Just read some birth stories and watch some videos and you should have a pretty good idea. I can't believe you took a birthing class and they didn't give you/show you any detail. What a waste of everyone's time.
Also, with each kid you really do feel less private about .. well, everything. My first I remember being really stuck on making sure it was MY doctor who delivered her and I did not want DH's high school friend who is a L&D nurse at our hospital in the room at any time when I was "exposed." By the second and third deliveries... I realized it mattered very little who the doc was in the room (for me - since I had uncomplicated vaginal deliveries) and I didn't even care that DH's friend helped deliver my third (meaning she was right up in there). Same went for breastfeeding. I made my parents wait out in the waiting area for 2 hours after my first was born while she nursed. By the third kid, I wanted a little time just for me, DH and baby - but after that... I didn't care if I was nursing or not. Family was welcome in.
Those are my experiences.
I'd rather be overloaded but prepared than scared and upset. I'm a pretty practical person in so far as I understand medical necessity dictates a lot of it - and basically a lot of it is what it is. But I'm pretty sure for me, it makes it worse not knowing, getting surprised, and then being afraid/upset because I have no time to cope with the reality of it. I'd rather be able to deal with it ahead of time than to be surprised at the time and make the situation worse with the fear/tension that complicates the birth.
I know a lady friend of my mom who works at another hospital (I only got the choice of one hospital that my doctor delivers at; I also barely was able to find an OB-GYN accepting patients in my area) so that is a good idea and I think I will ask her a few questions.
Yep. Sign up for one. Some fast and fun facts:
You might poop yourself. Its the same muscles being used to push out baby. Its normal.
Its bloody, and lots of fluid.
The "ring of fire" when baby crowns is like your vagina and labia have been set on fire. Doesn't last very long though, but its still quiet uncomfortable.
Cervix checks (at least during active labor) can be painful as hell.
Other then that, yeah, take a birthing class.
Read a book. There are way too many things that can go on that are gnarly for everyone to list them out.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
My doctor keeps saying that I shouldn't care because I won't even notice what's going on or who is there at that point. My point is that it is my body and I think my right to understand what sort of care or services I'm receiving. I probably should have mentioned this in the opening post, but I'm a former victim of sexual abuse as a child, so these things may not be important to others however it is important to me so I can deal with the associated feelings. It freaks me out more to deal with the unknown than to deal with what I have to deal with (and understand it) for the health of my baby and my own health. Yes, it may be ugly, but if I understand it, I can process it - that's just the sort of person I am.
I really appreciate the time you took to give the details that you thought were relevant for a first time mom. So thank you, very sincerely. All of it was good information and made me think.
This. I don't know how far along you are, but have you considered a midwife instead of an OB? The midwifery model of care is much more woman-centered and in depth. I spend at least an hour talking to my midwife every time I see her. It sounds like you are already quite disillusioned with the medical model of care you've been receiving, and giving birth in a hospital you don't trust with an OB who doesn't care about you doesn't sound like the best possible scenario for a successful, healthy birth. I highly suggest you look around for someone, many midwives will accept late transfers.
I found The Birth Partner to be a detailed but comforting overview of the process:
https://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1558323570
But stay away from Dr. Google! I had to remind myself that crazy stuff can go down during L+D but you could also get hit by a meteorite while sitting on your back porch. Be prepared but don't scare yourself
This coming from someone with crazy anxiety...so I understand where you're coming from. Very best of luck!
ETA: I second the advice to have a doula...mine made all the difference for me, and she was very willing to talk me through stuff before and during.
Im sorry you went through this. It sounds like you would benefit from speaking to a counselor regarding how to deal with the "exposed" feeling of giving birth and how it relates to your assault. I would continue to do research/take additional classes/etc. but it looks like you are looking for a way to have complete control through large amounts of knowledge and no one has 100% control.
You're right this is b.tchy! That's what this forum is for is fir women with questions. If it annoys you don't reply!
You're right this is b.tchy! That's what this forum is for is fir women with questions. If it annoys you don't reply!
You're right this is b.tchy! That's what this forum is for is fir women with questions. If it annoys you don't reply!
and if you don't trust your doctor, that's one thing, but expecting them to take to time to tell you about every possible l and d outcome isn't realistic. You need to educate yourself too.
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
It's a very intense, surreal experience and honestly, I don't remember a lot of the specifics because I was so focused on the moment. A lotvifctgectypical things you worry about while pregnant, like privacy, dignity, pooping in the table, etc., really aren't even in your mind at the time.
I truly feel that matter how much you read or prepare, it's something you can't really understand until you go through it. That said, it's a good idea to be prepared for some things, but I also think that there are some things better left to the imagination or you will conpletely overload and overwhelm yourself to the point of major, major anxiety.
Bump Burp
I was going to suggest a doula as well.
So many different things can happen. They cannot provide you with information to every type of scenario.
There are other ways to look into it on your own though. You could watch videos on YouTube, see if the library has any books they could recommend, start watching documentaries - TLC and Oxygen have shows.
The reason they say it is out of their hands and do not want to give you every detail possible is because not everyone has the same experience. There is no reason to freak you out.
The reason they don't tell you everything that can possibly happen is because seriously, ANYTHING can happen. While it's far more uncommon than it used to be, women still die in childbirth (almost happened to a very good friend of mine). So really, any complication is possible including death. That's everything!
Me:27, DH:28 - DX: MFI, varicocele repair Nov 2011
Post-Op SA: Count- 15 million, Motility- 75%, Morphology- 3%
IVF with ICSI - Stimming 10/4/12 - 10/13/12, Lupron Trigger
ER 10/18/12, 12 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 fertilized
5 day transfer 10/23/12, 3 frosties
Beta #1 11/5/12: 453, Beta #2 11/7/12: 1,013, DD born 7/19/13
I would also suggest Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, as well as A Thinking Woman's Guide to Better Birth. The thinking woman's guide goes through various common interventions and has scientific studies to help you make an informed decision.
I can tell you my first birth was an induction, and I did feel like some things got out of my control, though I was informed and discussed interventions with my midway each step of the way.
My second birth I had a Doula who helped keep me calm and work through the contractions. She supported both my husband and me, and I ended up having an accidental water birth in the hospital tub since baby came so fast! My midwife was amazing and the only things that happened that I didn't want to were the result of a minor postpartum hemorrhage [I didn't want an IV but it became necessary to help stop the bleeding. However, I didn't have one during labor and birth even though it was "standard".]. I think it comes down to researching interventions, knowing where you stand, and making sure your support people are on the same page as you.
You may poop yourself.
A lot of people are going to get a good look down there....
You probably won't look so great. It's okay.
Things may progress very fast or very slowly.
You may not have time for an epidural if you want one.
If the doctor wants to use the vacuum or the forceps... well, there are positives and negatives to each.
If you get an IV, people think it hurts in the hand more than in the arm. Not right when you get it, but if its in for a long time.... )
Be nice to your nurses. They can do magical things for you.
You may never pee the same again.
Your vagina may never be the same again.
If you get an epidural, it may or may not work.
If you tear, well, its going to hurt. Healing will be uncomfortable.
Do yourself a favor and don't look "down there" while you are healing.... you will just freak yourself out. (Unless you've got puss and crap, then go to your doc)
You might need to wear a diaper once you are home.
love this. I have a Claire Elizabeth as well.
Your doctor seems pretty dismissive of your questions and concerns. Have you thought about switching providers? I'm not sure if your research has lead you into any directions with what you'd like out of your birth experience (barring issues that could come up) but a midwife may be a good option for you. Usually appointments are longer and a good one really listens to your questions and provides detailed answers...they're usually less rushed and offer an emotional support that often times doctors disregard...or don't even think about. If you don't want to change provideres I'd suggest hiring a doula or someone who can be there with you during the birth who will know these things and can explain them to you and also advocate for you and ask the right questions too.
This! No reason to be so rude...