May 2013 Moms
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Trying to be ok with it...

I feel so blessed to have this healthy, beautiful baby boy... He is everything to me. Ever since he arrived I've been thinking about having another. I've been on the fence for a few reasons.. Our ages DH is over 40, money, wondering how I could love another baby as much as DS even though I know you do, etc
On the flip side, it makes me sad to think about not having another. I lived being pregnant. I love these moments... And to never do it again.. Plus I know from experience that being an only child can sometimes be lonely.

DH and I got in a huge fight yesterday. He told me he's getting a vasectomy, that we aren't having another because of our ages. He then told me that I have a perfect little boy and why can't I be satisfied. He doesn't want to hear anything I have to say because he says he isn't changing his mind.

He's a good man and I know this is because of his experience with older parents but we aren't his parents!

My heart is so heavy knowing the door is closed and frankly, it changes my relationship with DH ever so slightly since he wouldn't even consider my feelings.

No point to this. I just can't talk to anyone about it...

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
TTC #2:
March - May 2014 - Natural cycles - no luck
June 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
July 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
August 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
September 2014 - Clomid 50mg - Fingers crossed...

Re: Trying to be ok with it...

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    imageannarussell05:
    Huge HUGS
    and more hugs. Hang in there.
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie First Birthday tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    I'm so sorry. I hope you guys can talk a little more so you'll feel better, however it turns out.
    Baby girl born 5/20/13. Figuring it out as we go. :)
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    More hugs!
    Hopefully your H can at least agree to wait on the vasectomy until you've both had time to completely discuss all the scenarios.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    I am so sorry you are going through this.  I agree with PP that hopefully you can talk more and he will consider your feelings.  My parents were 41 and 48 when I was born, so I can relate to your DHs feelings.  I had my kids at 28 & 30 for the same reasons....because I didn't want to be an older parent to my kids.  But, low and behold, DH and I became pregnant again, and this LO was just born when we are 43 & 48....so history is repeating itself.  But, the main difference is that it is now quite commonplace for people to have children older, so your child will not feel so out of place like I did, and maybe your DH too. I would try to keep communicating with him how important having another child is to you, if that is the case, and maybe he will reconsider.  Just because his experience wasn't great, doesn't mean it will be that way for his kid.  Also, I don't know your age, but the worse part of having older parents is that they die when you are much younger.  Since my dad died when I was 27 and my mom died when I was 35, my siblings have played a much larger role in my adult life.  Maybe discuss this too with DH.  If you have just one, he/she won't have immediate family down the road.  I'd definitely try for #2 quickly if you can convince him.  And, you always have more room in your heart to love another child...don't worry about that!


    **DD1 - 7/9/98**

    **DS - 11/9/00**

    **DD2 - 4/30/13**

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    I don't have any answers for you, but I wanted to let you know that I know how you feel.  My DH turned 44 a week before DD was born.  He thinks he is too old to have any more kids.  I had a sister growing up and am very close to her to this day, and I can't imagine my daughter growing up without a sibling.  As I snuggle my daughter in my arms, it is hard to think that I won't have the chance to go through this again. 

    During my pregnancy DH said he wanted to get a vasectomy.  I want to have another.  He didn't even want to have this kid (he thought he was too old), but we agreed before getting married that he would be willing to have one. 

    He hasn't mentioned the vasectomy again, but I know he still wants it.  I have a feeling we'll have "the talk" before my 6 week appointment.  I'm going to try and talk him out of the vasectomy (at least for now).  I think I'm going to offer to get an IUD instead of him getting a vasectomy.  That way it is a longish term birth control but in no way permanent.  I think he'll probably agree to that, but I know the chances of him changing his mind on having another kid are slim to none. 

    This is probably not a good strategy, but I'm doing everything I can to make this process easy on my husband so he might agree to go through it again.  I tried not to complain during pregnancy.  I've changed every single diaper since we've gotten home from the hospital, I'm EBF so done every feeding.  I'm sleeping in the nursery with her so he gets a full nights sleep every night.  And again, I'm trying not to complain about anything.  And I'm trying to enjoy every moment since I might never have the chance to go through this again.  I am so thankful for my daughter, and am trying to focus on the present and not the future. 

    I also can't really talk to anyone about this. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    +ASH++ASH+ member

    imagemommacakes4u:
    I feel opposite kind of. I feel like for my oldest I'm the youngest mom and I feel awkward at school things. I don't think I was that young when I had her, 21. But all the moms in her class are more my husbands age which is 10 years older than I am. I feel like with my middle daughter and this baby I might be more in line with the ages of the other moms in their classes. I don't regret having them early however it makes me weird for me at shook things when all the other moms are older and I just don't really relate to the same things.  .

    Same here. I was 21 when my oldest was born and I felt so awkward around other moms, that it took a long time to find a circle of friends and because I never felt comfortable around the parents, DS never had friends who could come over or vice versa. That's changing a bit, the older he gets, but the difference in comfort levels (with other parents) between DS1 and DS2 is huge. I'm friends with a ton of moms in DS2's class and will probably be that way with DD as well. 

    OP, I hope your husband talks to you. I would probably remind him he needs to act his age and talk to you as if he's a grown up instead of acting like a child and demanding his own way... But that would probably cause more problems, so don't listen to me :).  

    DS1 - 9; DS2 - 6; Angel - May 10, 2011; Baby Girl - Due May 19, 2013
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    Thanks everyone. We lost both of DHs parents this past year and I know that is contributing to his feelings.. Plus I think they were less involved with him than his older sisters... It's a tough situation.

    I really appreciate all of you sharing your experiences! It great to have a place to put this out there.

     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2:
    March - May 2014 - Natural cycles - no luck
    June 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    July 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    August 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    September 2014 - Clomid 50mg - Fingers crossed...

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