When is it too early to start TTC?

ashhygoesrawr

I was recently married a month ago and we decided to stop preventing pregnancy via stop taking my birth control pills. I have heard from several people we are not waiting long enough for children. We have been together 5 years but in our families eyes are fairly young ( 23, 24). How long after getting married did yew ladies start trying? 

mmb248

DH and I started TTC after we had been married for just over a year.  However, I'm a big believer that when you're ready, you're ready.  I only side-eye TTC if you're still in HS. 

Also, you might find that not telling people about your TTC plans is a good idea.

TeeJ526

mmb248:

DH and I started TTC after we had been married for just over a year.nbsp; However, I'm a big believer that when you're ready, you're ready.nbsp; I only sideeye TTC if you're still in HS.nbsp; Also, you might find that not telling people about your TTC plans is a good idea.

This. Telling people brings unwanted attention, feedback, and pressure. When you're ready, you're ready.

LaurenAsh23

We started ttc as soon as we got married...hindsight, I'm glad we did because its been a long road, but I'm also glad we didn't get pregnant right away and were able to enjoy that first year together.

Saying that though...it's what feels right to you. Don't let others influence your decision. And I would suggest not telling everyone you're ttc. 

mrs_tacos

We've been married almost 6 years, and are trying for our first now. 

Too soon would be if you're not in a stable relationship or don't want a baby. People's opinions should have no bearing on what is right for you and your marriage. 

GermanGirl2007

jefa621:

It's too early if either you or your H aren't ready.  If you've discussed it and you're both ready, then F what other people say.

This. I would avoid telling anyone that you are TTC - it's none of their business. What matters is that you are both on board.

In answer to your question, we started TTC after about 3 1/2 years.  

dragossoul84

I dont think there is a perfect time to start ttc. I think that you should be totally capable of supporting your child emotional and financially before you start trying but other than that only you can tell when you're ready. We were trying before we were even married. We got pregnant on birth control not long after we had started dating and lost the pregnancy dealing with the loss together really helped show us how much we really wanted children and how much we loved each other. You have to be honest with yourself how ready you are for midnight feedings and diaper changings and losing some of your freedom.

DLpanda08

DH and I will be married 4 years in July, together for 7 and we just started trying in April. We wanted to try earlier, but there were things going on that prevented that.

I think you and your H should do what feels right for you and your situation. You two will be the ones taking care of your child and you are both adults. Your family doesn't get a say in when you have children.

TravelingCouple

We've been married for almost 4 years now and we're TTC #1. I agree with PP that no one can tell you when it's right for you. We have kept it a secret that we're TTC, only DH and God know we are. That way, no judgment until after the baby is already growing inside me!

sunlavender

We waited a year after getting married to start TTC.  However, it's a personal decision.  If you're ready, you're ready.

Miliska

jefa621:

It's too early if either you or your H aren't ready.  If you've discussed it and you're both ready, then F what other people say.

 

This. 

rlyttle

I was pregnant with DS 3 months after we got married. We had been together for four years and we were both 28. It worked out fine for us, but I'm glad I was a bit older when I had DS. I would say enjoy your youth and each other for awhile. Once you have a baby, you give up all that freedom. But I understand that everyone is different.  

CiderWench

Like others have said, I think you and your husband get to decide when to have children, and that it is no one else's business.

To answer your question: we had two kids, got married, had a third, and are now trying for a fourth. We were 22 and 26 when our first was born.

Best of luck to you!

Cindal

My Dh and I waited for about 3 years after we got marrried to start trying. We had already been together for 7 years at that point and been living together for 6 of those. I had always thought that 25 would be a good starting age for me and so that's when we started, even though my husband was ready to start trying several years earlier.

I don't necessarily think that you guys are jumping the gun at this point but it's not going to hurt you to spend a year or so just enjoying the married life. And IMHO its usually not a good idea to tell a whole lot of people about your ttc. It's a very private process and if it doesn't go as quickly as you'd like it can wind up being painful as well.

Mochadoodle

We were married at 20 and started TTC a couple of years later.

eta: I agree with the other ladies. If you're ready, you're ready. Don't let your families decide what's right for the two of you.

jjgrl55

I am glad DH and I have been married 2 years before bringing a baby in the picture, but I also know couples that started TTC while engaged and they are happy. There is no perfect rule, it's about what feels right to you.

angelsnight

We started trying six months after we got married, but I was still in grad school and wanted to make sure we waited until I would be done with school once the baby would be due.  Otherwise we would have started trying on our honeymoon.  We had been together for 3.5 years when we got married and living together almost the entire time, so we felt no need for "alone time" before trying.

You're on the young side, especially compared to me.  MH and I were 31 when we got married and 32 when we started trying, we are 34 now.  But 23 and 24 is not crazy young.  It's not like you're still in high school or just out.  Plus it sounds like you two have also been together long enough to not really need alone time first.

It's really up to you guys.  Of course you want to have a stable home, decent jobs and feel ready, but no one else can really tell you when to have kids.  From my perspective, it does seem young, but that's because I can look back now and see how young and immature I was at that age.  But that is true of any age.  When I am 44 I am sure I'll say the same of how I am now.  Had I met MH when I was 23, I likely would have felt ready to get married and have kids then.

dragonfly711

Thatis all depending on each couple. I was ready 10 yrs ago but was not married. I am now 39 TTc our first.
Had to wait for marriage and financial reasons. Wanted a baby before I was 40. Will be after now but time was not right before.
There is never a right time to have a baby but we wanted to be married and for me to have a full time job before we started and a house.
Each person is different.

heatherjean81

I think when you are ready you are ready!  My husband and I were married or a year and a half but everyone is different!

kristi&p

jefa621:

It's too early if either you or your H aren't ready. nbsp;If you've discussed it and you're both ready, then F what other people say.

Agreed! My SO and I have been together 6 years living together for 5 married for 3 in September. We got married when we were 21 and people thought we were too young but we knew it was right for us. We just bought a house and have been trying for 7 months. Though we are doing great because of our age we know that some family feel we are too young for kids. Well we proved them wrong on our marriage and we will prove them wrong when we have kids. I haven't told anyone we are trying to make sure I don't have to hear it. Once I am pregnant and I announce their opinon means nothing and family will just be happy for us. If you two feel in your hearts you are ready then stick with that nothing else matters.

_florette_

Everybody is ready at different times. my DH are in a similar position to you. I am 24 and he will be 24 next month. We've been together over 7 years and married for 10 months.

We were going to wait at least a year to start trying but the baby itch got to be to much for us. My parents think we should wait until we're 35 to 40 to have kids. DH and I just decided it would be better not to tell people we're TTC.

rtv3

DH and I will start trying next month, we'll be married for 3 years. We waited for financial reasons, but I know lots of people who started TTC right after marriage and are happy with that decision. In the end, only you and your husband can decide if you're ready

kramja01

We've been married almost three years and started trying a few months ago.

MrsM507

If you are both ready... Then it doesn't matter what other people say. DH and I got engaged, had 2 weeks of no birth control... Got pregnant with DD, got married, had her and 6 years later are working on 2. Out of the "typical" order of things, but perfect for us.

vadarling

DH and I started trying after we'd been married a little over a year. I think if both people are on the same page, then the time frame shouldn't matter at all.

janda426

Hell I'm 21. DH and I have been together for 5 years, he's 25, we've already traveled a bit, we bought a big ol' house with just the two of us in it and we want some babies! When you can provide and care for a child PROPERLY and you're ready then it's time. No one else can tell you when. 

ho11yday

Everyone is a little different when they are ready.  Do what's right for you guys; if now is the time, then go for it. We personally waited until I graduated from college, had a stable job, a house, and had paid off our two cars even though it took us 4 years to do it. 

We started TTC about 4 years after getting married (or 6 years of being together). 

Hovdy2013

Got married May 8, 2013 and trying after. Been together four years, lived together 2 are both 26 and have had our fun and feel ready! Everyone is different.

annieravensfan528

DH and I started trying right away once we were married this past October. We've had a lot of people telling us to wait. I can respect that but we've been together 5 years total. We've finished schooling and bought a house. All things we wanted to accomplish beforehand. So we personally feel like we're as ready as we're gonna be. It's up to you and your DH, every situation is different.

ChristyML

Well, my husband and I got married almost 2 years ago, and we started trying about a month after getting married. I got pregnant 5 months later (so about 6 months into our marriage). 

DH is almost 25, and I'm 23, so we're the same age as you, and we have a child already (an 8 month old little boy). I don't think it's ever too early (unless, like a pp said, you're in HS). 

Kinipela7

We started trying 2 years after marriage (we are both 28 now).  Now I wish we would have started earlier because although we got pregnant quickly, it also ended quickly.  

 

Try when your ready, but I would definitely keep it to yourself as well - too much pressure otherwise! 

bliss611

everyone is different. If you are both ready for it, then it is the right time.

von1976

I think it's too early to start TTC when you are not yet ready to be parents. That means devoting your lives (almost) entirely to a new little being you're going to create. If you're ready at 23/24, great! If you're not, there's no harm in waiting.

I personally wasn't ready until I was maybe 30, and it took me another 6 years to meet and marry my husband, so we're starting immediately. But everyone is different. Some of the women on this board are on the younger side (ie: 21-23). I have to keep reminding myself that everyone is different--just because they are younger than I was when I was ready doesn't mean that THEY aren't ready.

I guess people can be judgmental sometimes. I would advise only sharing your TTC journey with people you know will support you. It's hard enough as it is without that outside pressure.

FWIW, my husband's parents had him at 21/24, and they were (and are) awesome parents. I'm sure it was a struggle for them at times being so young (and often poor), but they did great and they're still together.