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Ayana11doctor

Golferbee

Sorry she is saying that. It sounds like she is just scarred from her daughters experiences. Once you are pregnant, I'll bet she will be over the moon!

Ayana11doctor

Thanks Golferbee! I hope so!

beckynsean11

I'm really sorry she's saying that to you. I can't imagine having that kind of negativity added to the stress of TTC. I'm sure she'll be thrilled once you are pregnant, but until then BLAHHHHH! 

TravelingCouple

Yeah I agree with PP, I bet she'll be super excited once you are pregnant! I think MILs just don't have a filter when it comes to kids. Mine is the opposite - every time we talk to her it's "any kids yet?" We haven't told anyone we're TTC either.

crwel1048

I can understand why you're frustrated and I'm sorry that's happening. Hopefully, when the time comes she will be excited and accepting. I agree with pp that she may be possibly worried due to SIL situation, not that it's fair. 

 I hope it turns around for you! 

mfoster5

I am with the others. She will be happy for you when it does happen. I would just let her know that when it happens you guys will have planned as best as possible and have thought it through. My MIL teases us because my BIL & SIL got pregnant right away  and then 15 monthes later pregnant with number 2. She always says "dont you want all this drama, noise mess etc" I know she is teasing us and will be happy when we do but sometimes it is hard to hear when you are TTC.

CarolinaGirl6

I'm sorry. DH's sister keeps telling us to not have kids because "we won't have a life anymore." She has two kids but never really wanted the first one and only had the second because the first kept asking for a sibling.  We haven't told anyone that we're TTC either. It sucks when someone keeps telling you to not have kids so I kind of know where you're coming from. 

TeeJ526

Agreeing with the others too. She doesn't realize she's having "foot in mouth" moments because she doesn't know you 2 are TTC. Once it happens, I'm sure she'll be very happy for you.

Ayana11doctor

Thanks ladies! I've never been apart of any forum/board so it's really nice to hear your thoughts.

greengirl0909

With our first, we made no effort to hide we were going to TTC.  We were married, owned our home, I finished my masters degree, DH his bachelor's, we were both employed full time, had no credit card debt, had money in retirement accounts, and had money in savings.  When we announced our pregnancy, my mom said, 'What did you do that for?"  I thought- what else were we to wait on??

Someone said to me- you have to remember, you are still your parents' babies.  They worry about you. They worry about it being hard for you, or your health, etc.  Like PPs said, she's just worried for you. Or maybe she's hoping you'll say "Oh we're trying," because she's ready!

KP0908

Oh MILs! One minute you love them like your own Mother, and the next they say something and you can't hit them! Haha.

Sorry your MIL is saying that. I'm sure she will be thrilled when it finalyl happens for you guys, I'm sure she's just nevous.

My MIL constantly reminds me that she's in no hurry to be a grandmother. Welp, sorry lady, I'm in a hurry to be a Mama. Haha.

rockopera

People say stupid things. It's hard when it's parents or ILs. But, you have to learn to take it with a grain of salt and not put too much stock in their opinions.

Chances are, she will continue saying things that irritate or hurt you even after you get pregnant. And after you have kids. It's better to start practicing the "smile and nod" approach, because if she has foot in mouth, it prob won't go away soon. I say this as someone who has dealt with the same thing for close to 12 years. It took me about 5 to really not take things personally.

And yes, she will still be happy for you. Don't stress out about that too much.

Ayana11doctor

KP0908:

Oh MILs! One minute you love them like your own Mother, and the next they say something and you can't hit them! Haha.

Sorry your MIL is saying that. I'm sure she will be thrilled when it finalyl happens for you guys, I'm sure she's just nevous.

My MIL constantly reminds me that she's in no hurry to be a grandmother. Welp, sorry lady, I'm in a hurry to be a Mama. Haha.

Lol So true!

luv2dnc89

I had the same experience with my dad, and I know it sucks to hear that coming from someone you love and would hope  would be super excited with you. I've only been married 7 months but since that day my dad has been constant with "don't have a baby a baby yet, just wait, do this first, do that first, blah blah blah". Well, last cycle I had a BFP and we told just our parents. After he got over the initial shock ( he didn't know we were trying), he was really excited and it made me 10x happier. Unfortunately we lost the pregnancy but he was the first one to jump in and say "don't be afraid to start trying again". GL!

kramja01

I'm sorry your MIL is saying that, but I agree with other posters that she is just scared/disillusioned by your DH's sister's experience. I think she will be super happy for you guys when it happens!

mamathefox

CarolinaGirl6:

I'm sorry. DH's sister keeps telling us to not have kids because "we won't have a life anymore." She has two kids but never really wanted the first one and only had the second because the first kept asking for a sibling.  We haven't told anyone that we're TTC either. It sucks when someone keeps telling you to not have kids so I kind of know where you're coming from. 

I just had to say that I LOVE your grumpy cat pic.

In regards to the OP : I'm sorry she's being like this. Its like she thinks you guys might get a divorce one day and having kids makes it messy? (Maybe I'm reading into it wrong) but that is horrible and I'm so sorry.

krdesi

Sorry you're dealing with that. My family members are the same way! I haven't told my dad or grandmother because they have already made comments like "you don't need kids yet, wait a few years". The other day, I was considering opening up about ivf to one of my cousins so that I had some extra support while going through it and before I had the chance, I got "are you guys looking for a house? You better get a house before having kids!". So much for support!
I don't know why people think they have the right to tell someone else what to do with their uterus!

JoJo42

My mom used to say the same turns out, she really wanted us to be pregnant, and was only saying that because she didn't want to "pressure" us.  She was over the moon when it happened!

RondackHiker

My MIL didn't act happy about me being pregnant for awhile. Telling her and seeing her reaction made me feel like she thought of us like high schoolers who got pregnant at prom.

She just kept saying "ooooooh my. I'm not going to sleep. I thought you'd wait till you had no debt. Oh my. This is not... I'm not going to sleep."

It sucked. She came around. She thinks we won't have more till we are homeowners and fully out of debt.

That won't happen. Dh went to med school and his student loans are more than some mortgages. And we're not waiting till we buy and fully pay off a home. We can afford another child and want one.

Her negativity and drama has no influence on my moods. Our family decisions are not her business.

wifeofafarmer

KP0908:

Oh MILs! One minute you love them like your own Mother, and the next they say something and you can't hit them! Haha.

Sorry your MIL is saying that. I'm sure she will be thrilled when it finalyl happens for you guys, I'm sure she's just nevous.

My MIL constantly reminds me that she's in no hurry to be a grandmother. Welp, sorry lady, I'm in a hurry to be a Mama. Haha.

Haha! I feel this way towards my FIL.

OP, maybe its your MIL's way of not putting any pressure on you all? Her daughters experience hasn't been ideal so maybe she feels like yours will be but doesn't want to put pressure on you guys? I could see my MIL thinking this way & having the best of intentions. I'm sure she'll be thrilled when the time comes!

alejitarami

That sucks but I'd try to not stress about it. I'm sure she'll be very happy when you do get pg, and if that is not the case for whatever reason then too bad for her!!

(My MIL is in South America so when she visits she stays for a looooong time considering that we're also in MI so the trip has to be worthwhile..I get the feeling!)