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Blended Families
ambrvan
member
Hearing Outcome...
ambrvan
member
So it was settled completely today. For now anyways.
BM gets EOW supervised by her parents 'eyes and ears.' Alternating holidays. Alternating half of Christmas break. One week this July. One week June and one week July next year. Then in two years, every other week during Summer vacation. BM must give at least 14 days written notice of Summer visitation time. She gets two 4years hr visits this week to 'reacquaint' before EOW starts next weekend. Both parties get phone calls at 7pm on Tues and Thurs.
So... could have been worse. Could have been better. Our attorney said that she will screw up before the every other week summers start so don't worry. They told us to keep documenting like we were to establish a pattern. Said if Kamryn says anything about showers with BM or sleeping with BM or anything else again to put SD in counseling because a counselor can testify about what a child says, but parents cannot testify about what the child tells them.
CS is being figured up. Not that we will see any of it.
So we essentially back to square one. Said we cannot file contempt on any one thing. We have to multiple incidences to bring it up.
Strangely, DH is not in a bad mood. I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Just updating you all on how it went.
Oh and BTW, SD's brother and sister's dad decided, after three years of telling us they would release whatever information we needed to help SD, that he doesn't want us to use any evidence involving his kids. They have even quit answering SD's.phone calls when she wants to talk to her brother and sister. Would have been a slam dunk with that info. So I am kind of pissed right now.
BM gets EOW supervised by her parents 'eyes and ears.' Alternating holidays. Alternating half of Christmas break. One week this July. One week June and one week July next year. Then in two years, every other week during Summer vacation. BM must give at least 14 days written notice of Summer visitation time. She gets two 4years hr visits this week to 'reacquaint' before EOW starts next weekend. Both parties get phone calls at 7pm on Tues and Thurs.
So... could have been worse. Could have been better. Our attorney said that she will screw up before the every other week summers start so don't worry. They told us to keep documenting like we were to establish a pattern. Said if Kamryn says anything about showers with BM or sleeping with BM or anything else again to put SD in counseling because a counselor can testify about what a child says, but parents cannot testify about what the child tells them.
CS is being figured up. Not that we will see any of it.
So we essentially back to square one. Said we cannot file contempt on any one thing. We have to multiple incidences to bring it up.
Strangely, DH is not in a bad mood. I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Just updating you all on how it went.
Oh and BTW, SD's brother and sister's dad decided, after three years of telling us they would release whatever information we needed to help SD, that he doesn't want us to use any evidence involving his kids. They have even quit answering SD's.phone calls when she wants to talk to her brother and sister. Would have been a slam dunk with that info. So I am kind of pissed right now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hearing Outcome...
I have been thinking about you all day!
yay and I'm sorry at the same time. I don't know your whole story but I was hoping it would turn out lots better for you though. The counseling thing is true.. I'm sure DH and I will be going through this when the time comes as oldest SD will not want to be involved when the time comes and she was the one to care for the children when BM was involved. Plus MIL is too busy kissing BM's butt for other reasons that aren't my business to elaborate. Very Frustrating.
Hopefully your atty is right and it won't last long! Best of luck to you!!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
That's a really good question! I do remember reading about how they didn't actually supervise the first time around.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
We were right, however, about how her attorneu waa hired before she had been served. The GP's hired him to try to get visitation for SD's birthday and he contacted our attorney just fishing the dark to see if he still represented us. Then they found out about the papers to be served and restraining order. So they hired someone to track down BM and found her in TX and brought her back. So all of 'her' legal action was set in motion without her knowledge and before her whereabouts were even known. I asked how that was possible, and our attorney said that if I wanted to bring him money on DH's behalf he would take it. It's all about getting paid. I don't even see how what they did is legal?!
Anyway, if they are so freaking concerned about seeing her, why didn't they just petition for custody themselves. That would have helped us out even more. There they go ruining crap again...
But apparently BM is appearing in court for something else in August and possibly facing jail time. So who knows how long this is all going to last. I just that that SD has adjusted to not seeing her and is quite happy with it, and now things are going to get bounced around. It's not good for her. I forsee some problems. And just as our whole family was getting on the same page and really starting to groove right.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Im sorry honey.
Can you get her into therapy now, before she starts back with her BM? You can use it as helping her transition, but really to start documenting.
I'm so sorry. Keep documenting despite the lack of use it has in court as a precautionary measure. I second having her start therapy as a transition aid and for documentation purposes. I still document despite the fact that our judge didn't look at any of our documentation during court last year. It is so frustrating. Is there any way to have it written in that she must give you seven days notification before exercising any visitation rights? We had that written in to our CO, and SS hasn't seen or hard from BM in over a year.
You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
I know you're my internet stranger buddy, but I cried a little at this update.
The system sucks!
Honestly it makes me so mad, I play buy the rules and abide by the law yet some people trample all over it and nothing happens to them. Where are the consequences!!
It drives me crazy!
I honestly hope she gets hit by a bus.
I'm with Phantom here.
Holy shiit.
I'm honestly not sure how I would deal with this. I'm so sorry.
Hugs I feel for you guys. I agree w ppers start the therapy now.
I agree with everyone about documentation and counseling. The therapists in a lot of cases are listened to in court as a GAL would be. This was used to my advantage in a previous situation and I wasn't even the one to start the therapy. The judge didn't even want to look at any of my documentation, pictures, etc.. but it's always good to have just in case as I'm sure you know.
My current situation with DH and youngest SD's .. we have them both in therapy. My 6yo SD actually has 3 counselors and I know all three of them would go up to bat willingly if needed. They call asking about how SD is doing at least once a week. One of them is actually coming for a home visit with SD today. And to talk with me about some things. By law some counselors have to be subpoenaed, even if they are more than willing.
I would look into the counselors before choosing the right one though... in my first experience mentioned... some of them have a really bad rap for lying in court if paid enough. The day I walked out of court with DS and no visitation at all for X, X told the judge he had told me about switching DS's counselor, which he had not.. as I was at DS's meetings every week.
Your atty may be able to advise you on which if any to avoid. IDK how it works in your area but it took almost 3 months to get SD's into counseling.
GL
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
If anyone has any advice on how to emotionally deal with all this, for me, please share.
Writing in my journal helps me. I write every mean, sad, angry detail and know that I can mentally let it go because it's all captured on the pages. You will have to feel your feelings and grieve...don't stuff or try to ignore them. Sometimes I will also watch a sappy movie that I know will make me cry. Crying really helps to empty the "emotional garbage can" so to speak. The movie just helps when you want to cry but can't make that happen. I really feel for you. Again, I'm so sorry it turned out this way.
Immerse yourself in something you love. I journal off and on. I don't reread what I write. I know what I write doesn't usually make sense, but I go through the emotions as I'm writing them out and it generally makes it a little easier. You don't have to worry about making sense or being rational when you journal. Busy hands can keep the mind from wandering too. Exercise or get outside and play with the kids. Try to avoid triggers. Maybe consider counseling for yourself?