Parents Coming 2 Weeks Early...Stressful

knottie01cda8b3f4cd7018

My folks live in TX and DH and I live on the East Coast. I am very close with my family and we plan to have them with us for a month after the baby is born to help. But my folks just sprung it on me that they are now coming to town 2 weeks early. They are not staying in our house and have promised to stay out of our way, but it is still stressful. I am worried I will feel like a watch pot that never boils. DH will also not be thrilled with this. They have already put a deposit on a short term rental, so there is no way around the situation. Any advice? Have yet to break the news to DH...

mittensonkittens

My parents are coming 2 weeks early so they can be here to take care of my other kids when I'm in the hospital. We didn't have anyone here when the other babies were born, so it's a new experience for us. I want to keep my boys in daycare most days for at least a few hours so they keep with their routine, and DH and I will be working until I go into labor. My parents really want to help out, and they asked for a list of things they can do. I have a list of household projects that would be great to get done, but don't HAVE to get done, and I'll print a stack of freezer meal recipes they could make. The household projects are things like washing the windows, adding weather stripping to a door, fixing some damage on the wall, replacing a bent curtain rod, etc.

A37licia

I suppose they can do what they want to do since they're not staying with you, but I would feel free to hunker down or do things without them if you want the time with DH as a couple. Make sure you're clear with them on what you're up for both before arrival and immediately after the birth, ie when you want them to visit the new baby and start helping out.

Surfergirl013

I feel your pain...My parents live out of the country, and is an 18 h plane ride away.  We had agreed they come 2 weeks after LO is born: and stay for 4 weeks...Now my mom is laying the guilt on me to be here 2 weeks before LO gets here...They will be staying with us.  I put my foot down, and just said flat out that LO could be 2 weeks late, and turned the guilt on her saying then they will have 2 weeks less to visit with their grandchild....My mom was not happy..but I think it worked

kathleen02

If you have an honest relationship with your parents just tell them that this news is stressing you out a bit and hopefully they don't expect you to entertain them while they're there, especially the two weeks they came early. Say you have plans....even if that plan is to do nothing and relax with your DH. This is exactly why I told DH parents that we don't want anyone to come the first month (they live across state). We can skype if they want to see us but I learned last time that I'm much happier when it's just the immediate family at first.

pantsarella

A37licia:

I suppose they can do what they want to do since they're not staying with you, but I would feel free to hunker down or do things without them if you want the time with DH as a couple. Make sure you're clear with them on what you're up for both before arrival and immediately after the birth, ie when you want them to visit the new baby and start helping out.

This. They're not staying with you so I don't really see it as a space issue. I'd just say "that's great, but I'm not sure how much I'm going to want to socialize at that point...but here's a list of local attractions and good restaurants." And then schedule a couple lunches or dinners with them. If they're wanting to help out around the house, let them come over and vacuum or do some laundry. It sounds like they want to be around in case you need help, so let them do some things, just be clear on your boundaries with them.  

RedLucia

My mom SPRUNG that on me a few weeks ago. She decided to buy a plane ticket to fly out sooner that what we had agreed. I told her I was not happy about it, because baby might come late and I don't want out of state grandparents staying for the first few weeks. Then, she said she would stay at a hotel, limit her visits, and I should "not worry about it." ...Right?! ...My folks and MIL are from small towns and always require some "entertaining." They tire me out whenever they visit...much less right after giving birth. Additionally, I want time alone for DH, baby, and me to bond before grandparents are here for a month.

After internal debate and advice from friends, I decided to ask her to CHANGE THE PLANE TICKET. Yes, it cost $150 to change it, but I feel way better.

It might have hurt my mom's feelings a little for the first few minutes, but now, we are all excited for her visit. Also, if I let my mom come several weeks earlier than the MIL, then, the MIL will be hurt or potentially change her plane ticket as well. 

There is a way around your folks coming early. They can change their travel plans. You could offer to pay for the change fee for their hotel or whatever it takes. 

thedash

I will be the odd man out and say that it doesn't sound too bad to me. I found the last few weeks before DS arrived to be really boring. I had all the baby stuff ready and was just watching the clock. Having my parents around but not actually staying in my house would have been nice as a distraction. I would just warn them that you get tired and uncomfortable easily at the end so you may have to call it an early night if you do meet up for dinners or whatever. And if they are the helpful type maybe you can use them for some last minute house or baby projects. Good luck!

mrsnorthernbell

I can relate.  At least they are staying someplace else.  MIL is coming into town a month before baby's due date and is planning on staying a month after he is born.  She stayed for 3 months after DD was born two years ago.  It was really rough the first time around.  I was very uncomfortable with the whole situation and didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  

This time DH and I have had lots of discussions on how we want to handle family and visitors.  I am glad MIL is coming into town.  I know I will need help with DD this time.  She has soccer and dance and is a very busy toddler so MIL knows that is how she can be a bit help.  If things start to get uncomfortable DH has already agreed to take care of it.

My best advice I can give is to speak up if you are not feeling comfortable.  If you hurt feelings than that is there fault.  You need to do what you feel is best for your family and your new little one.  It is going to be hard so hopefully they are there to actually make things easier for you.   

michelleonthecoast

thedash:

I will be the odd man out and say that it doesn't sound too bad to me. I found the last few weeks before DS arrived to be really boring. I had all the baby stuff ready and was just watching the clock. Having my parents around but not actually staying in my house would have been nice as a distraction. I would just warn them that you get tired and uncomfortable easily at the end so you may have to call it an early night if you do meet up for dinners or whatever. And if they are the helpful type maybe you can use them for some last minute house or baby projects. Good luck!

I agree with this! 

The fact that they aren't staying with you and promised to stay out of your way means they are at least considerate about your feelings.  Hopefully it all works out and it isn't too stressful for you. 

CitrusSwallowtail

pantsarella:

A37licia:

I suppose they can do what they want to do since they're not staying with you, but I would feel free to hunker down or do things without them if you want the time with DH as a couple. Make sure you're clear with them on what you're up for both before arrival and immediately after the birth, ie when you want them to visit the new baby and start helping out.

This. They're not staying with you so I don't really see it as a space issue. I'd just say "that's great, but I'm not sure how much I'm going to want to socialize at that point...but here's a list of local attractions and good restaurants." And then schedule a couple lunches or dinners with them. If they're wanting to help out around the house, let them come over and vacuum or do some laundry. It sounds like they want to be around in case you need help, so let them do some things, just be clear on your boundaries with them.  

This!

strikeofamatch16

It might work out really great if they can help you with things around the house. Like I found it really difficult to clean or grocery shop the last month or so before ds1 was born.  My mom is local, but she was great at getting me out of the house so I wasn't so bored (silly things like getting Mani/pedi or a quick trip to ikea), or just being there for general mom advice (like when we had a cold spell the week he was due (dropping into the 30s in mid September) she helped me pick out winter coats for baby.)  Plus this will give your parents a chance to know the area better so you can ask them to run errands for you once the baby arrives or take you places (I couldn't drive for 10 days due to pain meds). It will be easier to deal with parents getting lost prebaby arrival when you're not completely exhausted. Lastly, they can prep some stuff for your homecoming, balloons for your door, make sure you have diaper cream, extra pacifiers, or rubbing alcohol(some how we missed the memo to have these in stock last time!)

 I totally understand the watched pot feeling,but I think you'll find you'll have that whether people are near or far, friends or family, people expect you to have the baby by your due date. They'll say things like "getting close" or "where's baby?" Having them close by won't make a difference.

Lastly, remember if nothing else, your mom has gone through this, so if you're feeling overwhelmed, you can always say things like "were you this tired near the end of your pregnancies? I barely feel like I can keep my eyes open and its only 6pm. Do you mind if I just go home and rest?"