This has nothing to do with pregnancy but more or less about raising kids. I've had it on my mind all day and I was wondering your thoughts.
5 local teens near me were killed in a car accident on Memorial Day. Their car hit a tree and the car split in half, ejecting 4 teens and partially ejecting 1. Two were sisters and the mom and dad discovered their daughters' death by using GPS tracing their phone to the Coroner's office. Absolutely horrific.
News is now coming out that the driver did not have a valid driver's license and he had three (maybe more) infractions. Information is still being gathered about the driver.
My DH and I have always said that our children will not get their licenses until 18 (mostly because we had to wait until then) and we don't see the need. How do you feel about teens driving other teens? Even if you knew the friend's your child was traveling with, would check to see if their license was valid? If they have insurance?
I teach high school seniors and coincidentally a few of my students were talking about how they do not drive with insurance and they know kids that drive without licenses. I am also learning that many times the parents know this and let them drive anyway. This drives me crazy not only for my protection on the road but for others. We also have a family member that allows her 19 year old daughter do the same thing. I have vented my opinion but again I just don't get how a parent could allow it.
Sorry for the long post, but it has been bothering me all day.
Re: Teen Driving and Parenting
In MA you can get your permit at 16 and your license at 16 and half. That's when I got mine, all my friends got it at that age too. You're also not allowed to drive anyone under 18, except for a sibling for the first 6 months of having your license, and the new law is no teen operator cell use. All MA driver's are required to have car insurance. It totally baffles me that other states don't require insurance, so freaking irresponsible for any driver to be uninsured.
I think that when you take all that into consideration and you make sure to instill the fear in your kids (I know I was way too scared of my mom's wrath to break the law) they are pretty much just as safe driving as any other dumbass on the road. Not that teens are good drivers, but neither are 90% of the people operating a vehicle.
For myself as a teen I was not allowed to ride with any other teenagers until I had my own license, and then my mom had to know the kid well before she would let me get in a car with them. I thought that was kind of overkill, but whatever. I will probably be ok with my high school aged children getting a ride with other kids during daylight hours. After dark I probably won't allow it because it is harder to see at night and kid's tend to act stupid after dark.
I'm not of the mind to be making definitive parenting decisions about teenagers now though, anything can happen and I'll just have to see how things play out. Currently my 2yo is a spas, terrible at operating her cozy coupe, and I cant imagine her ever being responsible enough to drive an actual car. plus she's afraid of the electric ride-on toy cars, so who knows maybe she won't even want to get her license.
I think this kind of thing varies depending where you live. I'm in Ontario Canada and I don't know anyone who drives without being properly licensed or insured. I had my learners permit at 16 and I was never allowed to drive before then. We have three stages to go through here before we're fully licensed. Each stage you're tested and a certain period of time has to have passed before you can apply for your next stage. By the time I was fully licensed I was somewhere between 18-20. My parents would have LOST IT if they had ever caught me driving without a license or insurance.
I've also lived with locals in the Ft. Lauderdale and Boca areas of Florida and I will say, what people are willing to try to get away with there is pretty crazy. The traffic laws and general attitude are pretty lax in comparison to here, or at least that's what I've noticed from personal experience.
My parents would also have never let me get in a car with someone who had a suspended license....I was also the kind of teenager that never would have knowingly done that either.
It's crazy that with all these regulations in CA, this in fact where it occurred. I definitely will think twice about allowing my kid to get in a car with another teen. As a parent you assume that a kid driving a car has a license and insurance, especially an Infiniti and in Irvine (safest city) CA. From many of my kids, I have learned that parents allow it out of their convenience. I am just baffled.
Re: driving uninsured and unlicensed, shame on the parents for letting that go. For the most part, you're clearly aware that your child has a car and is driving without a license/insurance, so that's on them to stop it.
As far as getting a license, I got mine right after I turned 16. My parents made sure I had a super granny car, so I wasn't too proud to be driving anyone around even if I wanted to I also was very cautious, didn't take any risks, and never wanted to ride with other teens (didn't trust them) so I hope my children will be the same, but there's no guarantee.
I think the car can be a huge leverage tool for parents, because what kid wants to lose car privileges? You get a speeding ticket, you lose the car for a while. You're caught breaking the rules (in my state, driving with others before 17), you lose the car for a while. You skip class, break some other "rule", don't keep your grades up, don't make curfew, etc.. you lose car time. I also think driver's ed should be required before you can get your license.
In IL they have laws about how many people teens can drive.
And yes, I am one of those Moms that will check to make sure they have their licenses. (But not by embarrassing the child, by checking with the parents)
As of right now, DH and I will allow the kids to get their licenses at 16 if they so choose. As far as letting them drive around with others (as a passenger), I will check to make sure the kids license is valid. I am not sure what or how DH feels about it but they are taking my baby out and God forbid something happen. I personally dont want them to be either a driver or passenger in a vechicle with more than 3 people total in it. I remember the distractions friends can cause and it makes me so nervous.
If it were up to me my kids would live in a protective bubble. No one could hurt them, they couldnt hurt themselves, and I would have piece of mind knowing that they are safe. I know realistically this will never happen, but if I can do anything to go that extra step to watch out for them I will.
I think I will probably do the same thing. The more people in the car the more distractions. I will trust my child to drive at 16, but he will not be giving all his friends rides. At least until he can prove that he is a good driver.
He also won't be riding with anyone under a certain age. Its now worth the risk. I was never allowed to ride with anyone my dad didn't know was a good driver.
In OK we had an accident in a small town where one girl had gotten her lisence and maybe a week later she ran a stop sign. They were hit by a truck coming from the other direction. Her sister and best friend were killed in the wreak. It is so awful. They were so young.
I feel like of you feel like you are going overboard on restrictions then you are probably doing the right thing.
I think it all depends on the teen themselves. For instance, I was allowed to get my permit and license both on the day I turned 15 and 16 (FL law is you can get your permit at 15 and must have it a year prior to getting your license) but I was super responsible and careful as a person (I still am). If our daughter is reckless and irresponsible then that will affect when we allow her to get her license.
As far as riding with other teens, again it depends on the person they want to ride with. I will have to know them very well. My parents were that way too. They always had to know who I was going with, where we were going, when I'd be home AND I have a 10:00 curfew (until I left the house or was 18, I don't remember which) during the week and 11:00 on Friday and Saturday. Now, that may have been overkill considering the type of teenager I was, but, I can say I stayed safe throughout my teen years (no accidents until I was in college and then it wasn't even my fault).
This, in that this is such a sad thing to have happen. And unfortunately, it doesn't scare kids enough. They hear about it and assume it can never happen to them. In South Dakota, kids can get a restricted permit at age 14. They are required to drive with someone over age 18 for a certain amount of time, then they have a time restriction no driving between 10pm and 6am, I think until age 16. Unfortunately, in SD, driving young is almost a necessity since things are spread out, and many who live on farms learn to drive there, to help out. There's almost no public transportation to speak of, unless you live in Sioux Falls, maybe population around 600 thousandish.
I teach in a rural area, and I know my students are terrible drivers. Some of the horror stories I hear are terrible, and there's no way to make them see that this kind of thing can, in fact, happen to them. This makes me absolutely terrified for my kids to drive one day, but I like previous poster's suggestion of making kids a bit more responsible foe their vehicles. Hopefully that will make them think twice. It's kind of a nowin situation.
We're not going to make those types of decisions now because who knows- maybe we'll have flying cars by then (JK)
It really is tragic what happened to those kids. It makes me very sad that this happened. I know that when I was growing up, my high school lost 6 kids within a month of each other because of car accidents. One was the students completely innocent, sitting at a traffic light the other was the student driving too aggressively. There are so many things that could go wrong behind the wheel of the car, both child to blame and child blameless. We'll have strict rules for driving re: phones, friends in cars, hours, and destinations. We understand that we can't put our kids in a bubble, but we can protect them as much as possible from what is in our control.
That is really sad. rents we need to be responsible for teaching our kids to be respectful on the road and to drive with caution. It is also our responsibility to make sure they're driving with insurance. I'm sorry, but those students who are driving without a license and without insurance must not have responsible parents. I would not allow that and would know if my child did so.
As for letting my children in the car with their friends. I will also allow that. I was allowed and I just knew to make good decisions. I knew which of my friends had their license and those that didn't, etc. I will rely on the fact that I taught my children to make good decisions, as my parents relied on me. If they prove they can not be trusted to make good decisions, then that will obviously be a different story.