Give me your Best

fiddlefern

MIL is coming to visit tonight (FML).  I need your best "Keep your hands off my stomach" responses please.  The snarkier the better.  Thanks!

LoveOfMikesLife

Pervious pregnancies I've just put my hand on theirs. When I get the what are you doing (look) I just respond with " I thought we were playing who can make who more uncomfortable"

DSMLove

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

For people that don't know how to respect personal space? It's absolutely necessary and appropriate.

fiddlefern

Sing2phins:

She's your mother-in-law.  Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

YES.

jaymayhatton

This is the one I give my friends which is probably inappropriate for MILs "you touch, you die..." Oh, and you have to give the stink eye with it. I haven't seen my MIL since I got knocked up so I haven't had the opportunity to set my boundaries with her yet... but I'd probably end up saying "please don't touch me, I'm not comfortable with that yet because it's mostly my internal organs you are groping."

jaymayhatton

Sing2phins:

She's your mother-in-law.  Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

You don't know her situation so snark could DEFINITELY be appropriate! It's always good to have a little ammo when dealing with MILs. Not all MIL are p&r.

J+A+N+E

it's not a magic lamp...please stop rubbing it.

fiddlefern

J+A+N+E:

it's not a magic lamp...please stop rubbing it.

 

HAHAHA! LOVE

dnt27

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

DSMLove

Careful, I ate the last person that touched me there...

Heather91011

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

If she's like my MIL YES it is

jaymayhatton

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

OP obviously thought so since that is what the OP is about.

fiddlefern

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

 

I wouldn't have asked for snarky responses if it wasn't warranted.  

ballre1

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

Well I don't think she'd ask for snarky responses if her mil was Glenda the good witch, but that's just my opinion.

LoveOfMikesLife

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

Obviously she does think it's needed or she wouldn't have asked for snarky responses.  

jaymayhatton

DSMLove:

Careful, I ate the last person that touched me there...

I'm putting this one in my arsenal for later  

dnt27

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

Well it's a good thing it isn't you MIL then.

hollowway

I posted about my snarky response to ny MIL last week and was told that I was rude. Here is how mine went:

MIL: "oh wow look how big your belly is getting" rubs belly.

Me: takes her hand off my belly, "you didn't put the baby in there so don't touch my stomach."

I don't get along with my MIL, to the points that I dont even hug her. Ever. Being pregnant does not give people to right to touch you if you dont want them to and it sure as sh!t is not her right as grandma to rubs your belly.

I dont mind showing off my belly, through pictures or in person... But that doesn't mean touch it without asking first.

fiddlefern

estreyas:

melisx33:

I don't get why women are so angry over family just touching their bump. You post and brag about it all over online for strangers to see but get upset when family members touch it. Strangers-totally different story, that's weird. I really don't see the point in getting snippy about it.  

My body. My personal space. Family or not, no one touches me without my permission: that's disrespecting my body and intruding on my personal space. My mother taught me that when I was little, and the idea is making a resurgence in articles like this: https://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child (can't make it clicky on a Mac). 

If someone thinks that just because I'm pregnant they can touch my stomach, does that mean they think they can touch the rest of me any time they want?

Thankfully I live in India, where touching other people Is So Not A Thing, and I won't be around any family but my husband.  

 

YOU SAID IT!  My husband doesn't even grab at my stomach unless I put his hand there and he is the one person that I wouldn't mind rubbing it from time to time.

jaymayhatton

equibabe611:

I posted about my snarky response to ny MIL last week and was told that I was rude. Here is how mine went: MIL: "oh wow look how big your belly is getting" rubs belly. Me: takes her hand off my belly, "you didn't put the baby in there so don't touch my stomach." I don't get along with my MIL, to the points that I dont even hug her. Ever. Being pregnant does not give people to right to touch you if you dont want them to and it sure as sh!t is not her right as grandma to rubs your belly. I dont mind showing off my belly, through pictures or in person... But that doesn't mean touch it without asking first.

I thought it sounded deserved plus her response to you would have ticked me off! I would have probably freaked but you handled it pretty well imo. Some family deserve it and some don't. It is what it is and unfortunately we are stuck with them because they are family.

fiddlefern

equibabe611:

I posted about my snarky response to ny MIL last week and was told that I was rude. Here is how mine went: MIL: "oh wow look how big your belly is getting" rubs belly. Me: takes her hand off my belly, "you didn't put the baby in there so don't touch my stomach." I don't get along with my MIL, to the points that I dont even hug her. Ever. Being pregnant does not give people to right to touch you if you dont want them to and it sure as sh!t is not her right as grandma to rubs your belly. I dont mind showing off my belly, through pictures or in person... But that doesn't mean touch it without asking first.

 I remember your post and I could not believe her response.  She told you that she was responsible because she gave birth to your DH right?

aboyle44

jaymayhatton:

DSMLove:

Careful, I ate the last person that touched me there...

I'm putting this one in my arsenal for later  

 

This is awesome!! 

Zilly13

"I'm feeling really gassy"

 That should keep her a fair distance away.

DebateThis

"You touchy, I bitey!"

hollowway

fiddlefern:

equibabe611:

I posted about my snarky response to ny MIL last week and was told that I was rude. Here is how mine went:

MIL: "oh wow look how big your belly is getting" rubs belly.

Me: takes her hand off my belly, "you didn't put the baby in there so don't touch my stomach."

I don't get along with my MIL, to the points that I dont even hug her. Ever. Being pregnant does not give people to right to touch you if you dont want them to and it sure as sh!t is not her right as grandma to rubs your belly.

I dont mind showing off my belly, through pictures or in person... But that doesn't mean touch it without asking first.

 I remember your post and I could not believe her response.  She told you that she was responsible because she gave birth to your DH right?

Yup. She said that she gave me the man to put the baby in there, so it was her right to touch me. I had to stop myself from being a b!tch when she said that and just laughed at her.

Maimes10

I'm going to modify my white maternity tank top with some markers.  I'll put a hand print and write "don't even think about it" arch'd over the top.  That should get the message across.  You could have the tank finished by the time your MIL gets there.  If you wear it all weekend she'll get it loud and clear!

Chargersgrl33

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

So you are scared of your MIL?
My MIL has told me I'm a horrible parent and I've turned her son against her. If she ever touched my stomach it would end in WWIII.

Jules122907

I agree with you. I was taught to be the bigger person and kill 'em with kindness. That and to respect my elders. In my mind, snark is hardly ever called for especially to family and in laws. It just makes you look childish. Simply tell her you prefer not to be touched. End of story.

ETA: that was supposed to quote the first response

Edvoncupacake

I grab people hands and say "don't" when they're going in for the rub. I haven't had anyone try again.

runningpenguin

I usually go with touch me and pull back a nub. Or go off in Spanish.

jaymayhatton

Jules122907:

I agree with you. I was taught to be the bigger person and kill 'em with kindness. That and to respect my elders. In my mind, snark is hardly ever called for especially to family and in laws. It just makes you look childish. Simply tell her you prefer not to be touched. End of story. ETA: that was supposed to quote the first response

I was taught to respect my elders and I do, if they deserve it or if I just met them and they haven't broken my trust or shown me a reason for me not to respect them. It depends on the person's situation. I don't respect most of my family from my mother's side because they are all a mess of drug addicts, liars, and thieves. I was fortunate enough to be raised by my mom who escaped that life and raised me pretty traditionally. Just because they are my family, doesn't mean I have to grin and bare it or respect them. You don't know her situation so don't judge. All she asked was for a good response for a MIL that deserves it but this post has turned into a flame fest and she's gotten like 3 good responses. Come on ladies, let's hear them!

MrsApplelovesMrApple

Sing2phins:

She's your mother-in-law.  Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Sometimes it's absolutely necessary.

MrsApplelovesMrApple

I never have anything clever to say, though. I just move their hand and give them a look.

missesru

estreyas:

melisx33:

I don't get why women are so angry over family just touching their bump. You post and brag about it all over online for strangers to see but get upset when family members touch it. Strangers-totally different story, that's weird. I really don't see the point in getting snippy about it.  

My body. My personal space. Family or not, no one touches me without my permission: that's disrespecting my body and intruding on my personal space. My mother taught me that when I was little, and the idea is making a resurgence in articles like this: https://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child (can't make it clicky on a Mac). 

If someone thinks that just because I'm pregnant they can touch my stomach, does that mean they think they can touch the rest of me any time they want?

Thankfully I live in India, where touching other people Is So Not A Thing, and I won't be around any family but my husband.  

Unrelated to the original topic, but I have to say - Thank you so much for posting that CNN article. Seriously.  I honestly never looked at hugs/kisses for family members that way.  I've been seriously guilty of allowing grandmas/grandpas to force hugs and bother my daughter until she gives them a kiss.  After reading this article I'm looking at that with a completely different light.  Honestly... thank you so much.

DSMLove

Or how about,

I wouldn't do that, it's probably contagious!

ETA I really like this one for men that don't have the sense to keep their hands to themselves.

SoSweetTea1124

Ever been slapped by a pregnant chick? Touch my belly and live the experience!

agentkitten75

The only person who touched my belly so far has been my lil brother and he gave me the "can I ?" Look so it was ok. Normally I keep my arms crossed over it or my purse in front of it. If people go in for the touch I move away or turn to the side. Plus I have made it known that touching me is not ok. People who do will get the look of death and I will tell them that I don't like being groped. Believe me, my look will let them know not to do it again. I don't get why people feel like they don't have to at least ask before touching you. 

PeachyBella

"I'll forgive you for asking if you'll forgive me for not letting you!" My fav advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, makes this suggestion anytime someone asks for something that's stepping way over your boundaries. 

isacdimi10

melisx33:

I don't get why women are so angry over family just touching their bump. You post and brag about it all over online for strangers to see but get upset when family members touch it. Strangers-totally different story, that's weird. I really don't see the point in getting snippy about it.  

Because its my body. I don't like being touched and I would probably cause bodily harm to my MIL if she even dreamed of laying a finger on me. She knows that too. I even side eyed my mom when she did it and my mom is my favorite person in the world. 

 

OP: my general response is to reach out and rub their belly and just stare. 

babymama619

LoveOfMikesLife:

Pervious pregnancies I've just put my hand on theirs. When I get the what are you doing (look) I just respond with " I thought we were playing who can make who more uncomfortable"

 

OMG, this is awesome!!!! 

babymama619

melisx33:

Sing2phins:

dnt27:

Sing2phins:

She's your motherinlaw.nbsp; Is snark really necessary/appropriate?

Oh wah, it's just snark, shes not threatening her life.

All I did was ask a question - I simply don't happen to think snark is the best idea in all cases.  If, in this case, the OP thinks so, that's fine.  That's why I asked.  For strangers?  Yes. Snark away.  With *my* MIL, I wouldn't dream of it.

I don't get why women are so angry over family just touching their bump. You post and brag about it all over online for strangers to see but get upset when family members touch it. Strangers-totally different story, that's weird. I really don't see the point in getting snippy about it.  

 

Thanks for posting this melsix I totally agree! This was going to be my UO this week but I forgot to post.