Friend/Baby Shower Vent..... — The Bump
Baby Showers

Friend/Baby Shower Vent.....

My friend had a baby shower a few weeks ago.  She hosted my shower with my stepmom about a year ago so I wanted to be actively involved in hers.  Her mom was SO excited to be a first time grandmother so kind of took a very active role. Her mom basically booked the hall (VFW), sent the invites, etc. and arranged for it to be a potluck kinda event (tacky I know, NOT my idea).

Well I did a lot for it too. I brought the cake, favors, sodas, 2 dishes, chips, all plates, cups, napkins, etc. I also bought her a swing and TONs of presents. I also made a diaper cake.  I also bought TONS of decorations, but it was already decorated when I got there as her mom got there literally 4 hours early and I didn't have that luxury with a 11 month old.  I think my total spend was about $600- $700 on everything (the cake alone was $150). This was a shower for 40 people so you needed a LOT of food and everything.

 Well she seemed to have a nice time, but I didn't ever receive a "thank you" text or anything like that.  We have been friends for a longtime, but have the kind of friendship where we can go long periods of time without talking.  I just feel kinda hurt that I did so much (with a young baby too) and didn't really hear thanks or anything.  I was very grateful for everything she did for mine and sent her a $100 giftcard to a spa.  I definitely don't expect anything like that, but a thank you text would have been nice.  Am I just being oversensitive here?  Maybe she didn't realize everything I did for the shower and just assumed her mom did everything?

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Re: Friend/Baby Shower Vent.....

  • imageEstwd2:
    imageMaggieF516:

    Maybe she didn't realize everything I did for the shower and just assumed her mom did everything?

    That's entirely possible. Were you listed as a hostess? Did you never talk to her about shower planning? Did she even know you were helping her mom?

    I can see why you'd be upset. Hostess gifts are not always the norm in every circle, but you're right that a "thank you" is at least in order. Did she thank you at the shower at all? For many people, verbal "thank yous" are considered sufficient. Did she not send out her thank you cards yet? 

    (Sorry, so many questions.) 

    Her mom and I went back and forth on shower planning on FB for months. The invitation didn't have a "Hosted by" section but said "RSVPs to be sent to" and listed her mom. I guess I just assumed we were both hosting it. Her mom was really excited and had a clearcut idea of what she wanted to do (I didn't really like the venue, decision to have potluck, etc.) and I didn't want to step on her toes, but I made it pretty clear (I thought) that I wanted a big part in it. 

    I don't recall that she even said thank you at the shower.  I don't expect a hostess gift as I know they are on a budget, but just thought it was weird it went pretty much unacknowledged. No thank you card received yet, but I would think this would be kinda impersonal anyways for everything I did....

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  • Meery82Meery82 member
    Wow, how rude! You should have received a thank you for at least something... Where does she think the swing, the tons of presents, and the diaper cake came from?? Hopefully she's just a procrastinator and is late on her thank you.
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  • I didn't realize that my sisters were doing most of the work in my shower until literally the day of. I ran out to buy them something on my way to the shower. It is certainly possible that she doesn't know how much you did.

    At the same time, cohosting the shower was your gift to her. Obviously a thank you is in order, but giving a gift back is not always what happens.
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