2nd Pregnancy Baby Shower? — The Bump
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2nd Pregnancy Baby Shower?

I see these post of individuals stating that a second shower is grabby and tacky.  I do understand and agree in most of the situations; however, my first child is a girl will be almost 9.  This baby is a boy.  Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies!  I have several friends wanting to give a shower.  I registered for "supplies" for the most part.  I plan to purchase the equipment to avoid seeming "grabby".  

Do you guys think a second shower is an ok thing to do?   

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Re: 2nd Pregnancy Baby Shower?

  • Nope. I am in the camp of first time moms only.
  • I'm not asking for a shower.  They want to give one.  I have told them repeatedly that it's not necessary.  I posted the additional information about my situation so that others would know that I do not have another small child at home.  I considered a second shower because they are insisting on giving it. 
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  • If it is normal in your group and someone offered then go for it.

     

    It is gift grabby to throw your own or ask someone to throw you a shower. 

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  • image Darbie914:
    image Mom38673:

    I see these post of individuals stating that a second shower is grabby and tacky.  I do understand and agree in most of the situations; however, my first child is a girl will be almost 9.  This baby is a boy.  Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies!  I have several friends wanting to give a shower.  I registered for "supplies" for the most part.  I plan to purchase the equipment to avoid seeming "grabby".  

    Do you guys think a second shower is an ok thing to do?   

    Honestly, the fact that you are only considering a second shower because you got rid of everything and you need things is just tacky and gift grabby.  It's your baby, you need to provide for it.  Having a baby of the opposite sex doesn't matter to me because there's nothing you could need, with the exception of some clothes, that needs to be gender specific.   

    This.  

     

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  • "Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies"

    This is what makes you seem grabby. It is no one's responsibility to provide for your child other than you and the father of the child, regardless of whether or not you have anything for babies or not.

    That being said, if people are offering to throw you a shower, feel free to accept, but make sure it is kept small and that you don't do a registry (or if you do, don't tell people you did one).  


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  • The fact that you have nothing for baby isn't anyone else's problem.

    I am fine with very low key second showers. I find a shared registry pretty greedy. I attended 2 second showers this past month and one had 14 people and one had 5 guests. No registry info at all.
  • If you are asking for personal opinion, I have to say second showers are in poor taste-- despite how many years in between or sex of the child.

    Now if your friends have offered, and you would like to accept, I would take that to mean that second showers might be more of a norm in your social circle. 

    I would maybe hide your registry though-- if you are planning on buying the big things anyway you will most likely get clothes, toys, bibs, diapers and toiletry items as gifts (which is what I assume is what you mean by "supplies")

    Also, I would try to keep the guest list small.

     

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  • image kennazebrowsky:

    If it is normal in your group and someone offered then go for it.

     

    It is gift grabby to throw your own or ask someone to throw you a shower. 

     

    This.

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  • I think second showers are fine as long as they are kept small and only your closest friends and family are invited ( people that probably would have gotten you something anyways). 

    However, if the point of all this is to get gifts, then you need to lower your expectations.  All the second showers I have been to, the gifts are on the smaller, inexpensive side like clothes, blankets, books etc.  So if you were hoping someone was going to buy you a new high chair or a pack n play, then maybe you should decline. 

  • Thanks for the posts.  I did feel the same as most of you.  I did do a registry, because the friends giving the shower requested one.  It will definitely be low key.  I have no interest in showboating.  Also to those who commented on the statement of not having any baby items anymore, It was merely a statement.  Nothing more.
  • image Estwd2:
    image Mom38673:
    Also to those who commented on the statement of not having any baby items anymore, It was merely a statement.  Nothing more.
    If you didn't think it applied to the situation at all, then why bring it up?

    I really didn't over think/analyze the post.  I was merely trying to give people a perspective of my situation.  I have friends who kept everything.  It wasn't meant to seem like I was asking for gifts. I apologize to those who thought different.

  • wow, I'm shocked at how many people have a problem with this (in this specific situation).  If you had a two year old and were having another shower that seems a bit gift grabby, but you have a 9 year old of the opposite sex.  I think a shower is completely appropriate in your situation.  People need to chill out. 
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  • I think baby showers are a good way to have the ppl in your life an your baby's life to come together an celebrate a new member coming into te family. It's not about gifts. I say have your second baby shower. An besides why do you care what ppl think if you don't know them. Everyone has the right to do what they chose with their pregnancy
  • image Kellywelborn:
    I think baby showers are a good way to have the ppl in your life an your baby's life to come together an celebrate a new member coming into te family. It's not about gifts. I say have your second baby shower. An besides why do you care what ppl think if you don't know them. Everyone has the right to do what they chose with their pregnancy

    How can a party be about the new baby if the new baby isn't even there to celebrate? Showers are about gifts, period.

    And yes, people can do what they want - and other people have the right to think that what they do is tacky.

    OP, if your friends REALLY want to throw you a shower, by all means go for it. Keep the guest list small, and don't publicize the registry. 


    12/19/2012 BFP! 
    EDD 08/26/2013 
    Our little girl arrived 8/22/2013!
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  • I am being given a shower with kids similar age difference. DD will be 9 and a half when this one is born. My friends offered as soon as we found out I was pregnant, I think it depends on your circle of friends, what is the "norm" in your area, etc.
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  • I am being given a shower with kids similar age difference. DD will be 9 and a half when this one is born. My friends offered as soon as we found out I was pregnant, I think it depends on your circle of friends, what is the "norm" in your area, etc. I assume I will get all clothes or little things, totally fine, no registry info will be shared...though I do have one for the coupons!
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  • Cleo421Cleo421
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary
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    I see nothing wrong with it, and fully intend on throwing a shower for my friends when baby number two comes around. Graciously accept your friends offer and have fun!
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  • image EAGUIRRE2:
    image cabusbey:

    Personally, I don't have a problem with second showers.  It depends on your circle of friends IMO.  If several friends have offered then it sounds to me like several of your friends would want to come and enjoy a shower for you.  Whether it's proper etiquette or not, if your circle of friends accept it and want to do it, accept one of the offers and invite the others.  It'll be fun!

     I threw a second shower for my bff and it never crossed my mind that I shouldn't.  It was close friends and family and everyone was very happy to be there and shower her with gifts and love.

    I feel similar. It really depends on your circle of friends and family, if they are offering and insisting, then I  would accept it and register for a few small items as it seems you are saying you plan on buying most of the big items and I would keep a small guest list of those within that circle. I wouldn't want a second shower but wouldn't mind attending one, I enjoy buying baby gifts. And if I didn't, I would just not get a gift or attend. 

    This group of friends were not around when my first was born.  You are absolutely right about the invites.  It will be small, and I only registered for the random small stuff one may need.  I do plan to take care of the majority of the purchases for this baby.  Thanks for the post.

  • image Darbie914:

    image mplesset23:
    wow, I'm shocked at how many people have a problem with this (in this specific situation).  If you had a two year old and were having another shower that seems a bit gift grabby, but you have a 9 year old of the opposite sex.  I think a shower is completely appropriate in your situation.  People need to chill out. 

    A) How does having a baby of the opposite sex mean another shower is appropriate?  Can a boy not use a pink Bumbo?  Or purple crib sheets?  A baby doesn't care about those things.

    B) Why is it okay if there is a big gap in age?  It's no one else's fault that she didn't save anything from her previous child.  And, in the chance that this baby wasn't planned or the circumstances were different, why should the responsibility of buying items for your child fall on the shoulders of your friends and family?  The age gap isn't really a reason to have another shower.

    OP, I'm all for having a party or some type of celebration for the new baby.  But I don't think a baby shower is appropriate, especially since you felt the need to bring up how you didn't have any baby items anymore.  You wouldn't have included that information if you didn't think people would say that was absolutely a good reason to have another shower.  You want stuff, just own it. 

    NO.  I do NOT want a party for the gifts.  Don't assume the worst!  Again, My statement of not having any baby items was a comment.  The age gap was to explain MY situation.  My friends want to do a shower.

  • image Darbie914:
    image Mom38673:
    image Darbie914:

    image mplesset23:
    wow, I'm shocked at how many people have a problem with this (in this specific situation).  If you had a two year old and were having another shower that seems a bit gift grabby, but you have a 9 year old of the opposite sex.  I think a shower is completely appropriate in your situation.  People need to chill out. 

    A) How does having a baby of the opposite sex mean another shower is appropriate?  Can a boy not use a pink Bumbo?  Or purple crib sheets?  A baby doesn't care about those things.

    B) Why is it okay if there is a big gap in age?  It's no one else's fault that she didn't save anything from her previous child.  And, in the chance that this baby wasn't planned or the circumstances were different, why should the responsibility of buying items for your child fall on the shoulders of your friends and family?  The age gap isn't really a reason to have another shower.

    OP, I'm all for having a party or some type of celebration for the new baby.  But I don't think a baby shower is appropriate, especially since you felt the need to bring up how you didn't have any baby items anymore.  You wouldn't have included that information if you didn't think people would say that was absolutely a good reason to have another shower.  You want stuff, just own it. 

    NO.  I do NOT want a party for the gifts.  Don't assume the worst!  Again, My statement of not having any baby items was a comment.  The age gap was to explain MY situation.  My friends want to do a shower.

    But that is specifically what a shower is for.  To shower the MTB with gifts.  It's a gift giving event.   

    I understand your comment, and I agree.  I just wanted others to know that I'm not wanting the shower for the "gifts".  I appreciate my friend's gesture of a party, and I'm not involved in the planning or throwing of the shower.  This was what I was intending to convey.  I never expected a shower for this baby.  I wanted others to know more about my situation for one, and two was asking what others thought about secondary showers.

  • If second showers are the norm in your circle then I think it's fine.  But because you are asking it leads me to believe that it is not the norm, in which case I would be declining.  I personally find second showers tacky, but that's just me and the way my circle does it.

    I remember being on The Knot when I was engaged and people talking about how tacky a large gap is between the ceremony and reception.  In my group it is unusual not to have a sizeable gap, so I shrugged my shoulders and did it anyway because that's the way we do it.  I guess it's all about what is the norm.

  • image sschwege:

    If second showers are the norm in your circle then I think it's fine.  But because you are asking it leads me to believe that it is not the norm, in which case I would be declining.  I personally find second showers tacky, but that's just me and the way my circle does it.

    I remember being on The Knot when I was engaged and people talking about how tacky a large gap is between the ceremony and reception.  In my group it is unusual not to have a sizeable gap, so I shrugged my shoulders and did it anyway because that's the way we do it.  I guess it's all about what is the norm.

    Good thoughts.  Yes, I've been to more and more showers for 2nd and 3rd babies/pregnancies.   I just wanted to know others thoughts on the subject. 

  • tilsonctilsonc
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
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    image Mom38673:

    I see these post of individuals stating that a second shower is grabby and tacky.  I do understand and agree in most of the situations; however, my first child is a girl will be almost 9.  This baby is a boy.  Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies!  I have several friends wanting to give a shower.  I registered for "supplies" for the most part.  I plan to purchase the equipment to avoid seeming "grabby".  

    Do you guys think a second shower is an ok thing to do?   

  • tilsonctilsonc
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    image Mom38673:

    I see these post of individuals stating that a second shower is grabby and tacky.  I do understand and agree in most of the situations; however, my first child is a girl will be almost 9.  This baby is a boy.  Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies!  I have several friends wanting to give a shower.  I registered for "supplies" for the most part.  I plan to purchase the equipment to avoid seeming "grabby".  

    Do you guys think a second shower is an ok thing to do?   

  • I don't really think you need to ask here about this. It really doesn't matter what we think, because you have plenty of friends and family who want to do it for you regardless of whether some see it as taboo. Everyone on this board will have different opinions and there really isn't a right answer to this question. You have to base your decision off your friends and fam and how you think they will react. Plenty of people hate second showers, while plenty of other people have them all the time and its just fine.
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  • image coraggiosa:

    "Needless to say, I no longer have anything for babies"

    This is what makes you seem grabby. It is no one's responsibility to provide for your child other than you and the father of the child, regardless of whether or not you have anything for babies or not.


    image PunkyBooster:
    The fact that you have nothing for baby isn't anyone else's problem.


    image Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:

    Second showers are tacky, no matter who gives them, in my opinion.  Showers are supposed to welcome you to parenthood.  Any subsequent children you have - you are already a parent.  It is your job to provide everything that child needs.



    Agree with all of the above. 


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  • If someone wants to throw you a shower and you're not opposed - then go for it. Send out the invites and include the special letters "RSVP." Those letters let people know that they don't have to go if they don't want to or have some kind of moral stance on the matter.

    It might be a cute theme to make it a secondhand party, since it's your second kiddo - unless that grosses you out.


  • Its normal where I live, people have second, third, fourth baby showers all the time. I don't know one person who has not had a baby shower with each baby. It comes down to if someone offers to throw it. So I say have it. If someone doesn't like it they don't have to come, and if they are so horribly offended that you would have a second baby shower that they will think about how tacky you are forever, sounds like they don't have a life :)
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  • I would never feel comfortable with a second shower.  No matter what.  Soooo tacky. 
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  • To the OP!

    First off, you don't need to apologize to any of these women for what you posted. My God, you did nothing wrong and owe nobody an apology.

    Second, It's your life, your family, your friends. If they want to throw a shower for you, then enjoy it.

    Honestly, some of these "rules" I have read about baby showers on here seem to make things complicated and stressful. A baby shower should be for laughs, gifts from loved ones, celebration and company. Not "omg, did I break a rule"

    Good luck!

  • image mchacon18:
    Its normal where I live, people have second, third, fourth baby showers all the time. I don't know one person who has not had a baby shower with each baby. It comes down to if someone offers to throw it. So I say have it. If someone doesn't like it they don't have to come, and if they are so horribly offended that you would have a second baby shower that they will think about how tacky you are forever, sounds like they don't have a life :)

     

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  • jobiannjobiann
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    Ultimately it's up to you allowing your friends to throw you a shower or not. But in my circle it's a no no. Regardless if #2 is a different sex or if you are having multiples...doesn't matter. A shower is to shower the expectant mother and welcome her into motherhood. Not to provide stuff for the baby that parents should buy anyway. This is an on going argument on this board and I will always state my opinion since it's asked. GL!

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  • Just because someone offers doesn't mean you HAVE to accept. Personally, I wouldn't. Even if it was JUST my friends who were totally cool with it and really small. Because my family would be mortified. My mom lives 5 hours away, so even if it was seriously only 5 friends and she wasn't invited, so would find out, and be mortified. My family just. doesn't. do it. Even if I had a good time at the shower/sprinkle and my friends did too, part of me would be embarrassed because I was raised to know that second showers are not a thing. 

     

    But if you're cool with it, you're cool with it. I will say that, given how small a second shower should be, and how excited your friends sound, they will likely give you gifts anyway when the baby is born without technically breachingetiquette. And you could all go to brunch when the baby is a few weeks old.  

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  • I am in the camp of showers for first time moms only. I would suggest you decline the shower because even you said second showers are tacky. Just because someone has offered you a second shower doesn't make it any less tacky.
  • image Joy2611:
    image sschwege:

    If second showers are the norm in your circle then I think it's fine.  But because you are asking it leads me to believe that it is not the norm, in which case I would be declining.  I personally find second showers tacky, but that's just me and the way my circle does it.

    I remember being on The Knot when I was engaged and people talking about how tacky a large gap is between the ceremony and reception.  In my group it is unusual not to have a sizeable gap, so I shrugged my shoulders and did it anyway because that's the way we do it.  I guess it's all about what is the norm.

    This whole idea of social circles is wrapped up in both wedding showers and baby showers. I have about seven social circles that all come together and I try hard to see what I'm doing from all perspectives. I'd bet money that your wedding didn't just include one social circle. Just because your one group is cool with a large gap does not make it acceptable or appropriate and I'm sure there were guests at your wedding who were very inconvenienced by the gap because - let's be real - gaps are rude. I'd be wary of applying this same flawed logic to a baby shower.

    You are right I'm sure people were inconvenienced and I'm sure some people did see it as rude.  I know we had a handful of people not come to the ceremony, so it probably was for that reason although it was also a full mass which may have deterred some people as well.   

    Social circles do encompass many groups of people from varying background and experiences, so perhaps my logic is flawed.  Not a note of snark here, but I think you have a point.

    For the record, I actually like gaps and as do a lot of our friends and family.  Typically women wear two dresses one for the ceremony one for the reception.  People get together at bars or hang out at someone's house    We also tend to get hotel rooms even if we are local, so people might hang out at the pool in between.  It turns it into a full day of festivities where you can catch up with people you haven't seen in some time.  So to address you statement, 'Gaps are rude" as a blanket statement that simply isn't true.  

  • sorry but i never heard of a 2nd baby shower being tacky. ive been to a lot of 2nd time baby showers. if someone wants to through you a baby shower for your 2nd pregnancy just go ahead with it. 

    seriously, i wouldnt listen to whats tacky and not tacky. people are having co-ed showers, showers where they request not to rap your gift because they are going green, diaper raffles, showers where they dont open your gifts, calling a 2nd shower a sprinkle which i think is stupid, just called it a damn shower. lol some people will say these type of showers are tacky but who cares what other people think. i would say these people are tacky. lol 

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  • image Darbie914:
    image Mom38673:
    image Darbie914:

    image mplesset23:
    wow, I'm shocked at how many people have a problem with this (in this specific situation).  If you had a two year old and were having another shower that seems a bit gift grabby, but you have a 9 year old of the opposite sex.  I think a shower is completely appropriate in your situation.  People need to chill out. 

    A) How does having a baby of the opposite sex mean another shower is appropriate?  Can a boy not use a pink Bumbo?  Or purple crib sheets?  A baby doesn't care about those things.

    B) Why is it okay if there is a big gap in age?  It's no one else's fault that she didn't save anything from her previous child.  And, in the chance that this baby wasn't planned or the circumstances were different, why should the responsibility of buying items for your child fall on the shoulders of your friends and family?  The age gap isn't really a reason to have another shower.

    OP, I'm all for having a party or some type of celebration for the new baby.  But I don't think a baby shower is appropriate, especially since you felt the need to bring up how you didn't have any baby items anymore.  You wouldn't have included that information if you didn't think people would say that was absolutely a good reason to have another shower.  You want stuff, just own it. 

    NO.  I do NOT want a party for the gifts.  Don't assume the worst!  Again, My statement of not having any baby items was a comment.  The age gap was to explain MY situation.  My friends want to do a shower.

    But that is specifically what a shower is for.  To shower the MTB with gifts.  It's a gift giving event.   

    The fact that you are registering at all says to me that you want gifts.  Honestly, if I got an invitation for a shower for a second baby, I would think the mom was incredibly tacky and would make up an excuse not to go. 

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  • image Shopaholic30:

    To the OP!

    First off, you don't need to apologize to any of these women for what you posted. My God, you did nothing wrong and owe nobody an apology.

    Second, It's your life, your family, your friends. If they want to throw a shower for you, then enjoy it.

    Honestly, some of these "rules" I have read about baby showers on here seem to make things complicated and stressful. A baby shower should be for laughs, gifts from loved ones, celebration and company. Not "omg, did I break a rule"

    Good luck!

    Totally agree with this one.  For crying out loud, it's not 1954 when women clutched their pearls at every breach in ettiquette.  A friend of mine is having a 3rd baby and if she has a shower I'll enthusiastically attend and buy a gift. And if no one else offers to throw her a shower, I'll do it myself!

    No, it's not the friends' or family's "responsibility" to outfit her entire nursery.  We all know that.  But what's so wrong with being open and honest about your needs, particularly if your loved ones are happy to help you out? 

    OP, say "yes" and just enjoy it.  I'd be hurt if my friend rejected my offer to hold a shower for her.

  • image lbugher:

    OP, say "yes" and just enjoy it.  I'd be hurt if my friend rejected my offer to hold a shower for her.

    I'd also be hurt if I knew that she turned it down b/c she thought it/I was tacky. God knows I wouldn't be offering to throw a shower b/c I want to "gift-grab" for her. I'd be throwing it, b/c I want to celebrate!


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