S/O: School Post

PrimRoseMama

I've been looking in my area and some of the play groups I belong to the moms are insanely knowledgeable about all the options regarding schooling. Like, I feel like I should be taking notes or something. 

Does anyone else feel really overwhelmed with the competition etc. starting really young for kids these days? Now, I have my MIL in my inbox and ear basically bugging me to enroll DD and DS into the most expensive, prestigious places, so I could have just a lot of exposure, but holy cow.

From what I remember when we were younger there wasn't this press and crush to start prepping for college when the kid is 3?! I had one mom of a 5 year old go on a spiel about how the preschool you pick for your kid determines their station in this life. Their station? So if I don't choose wisely my kid is going to fail? Holy cow. 

/insert Rory Gilmore style melt down about how you feel unprepared and behind already when the kid is in the womb.
 

 

Liz4444

I don't feel like it's a competition around here, I just feel like there are things that everyone does. If li didn't start preschool at 2 I'd get side eyed, but I grew up here, so it's what I did when I was little, so it doesn't seem weird to me.

jackson290721

I can't even make up my mind on what stroller to get. haha I have no idea how to even think about preschool or having a toddler. 

 I really want to watch gilmore girls now.  

[Deleted User]

I started when I was 3. I don't think your child will fail if they don't go to preschool.

rubbielynn12

10 points to the rory Gilmore gifs. As for the preschool, around here it isn't that big of a deal. I live in a small town though. They have really bumped up the curriculum in the elementary school though! My clients in Chicago area have the same preschool worries too. I just don't get it. Good luck and eat some ice cream while you watch some Gilmore girls, and yes that's what I'm doing all day today.

jackson290721

rubbielynn12:

10 points to the rory Gilmore gifs. As for the preschool, around here it isn't that big of a deal. I live in a small town though. They have really bumped up the curriculum in the elementary school though! My clients in Chicago area have the same preschool worries too. I just don't get it. Good luck and eat some ice cream while you watch some Gilmore girls, and yes that's what I'm doing all day today.

haha funny you said that. I'm trying really hard to resist the ice cream in my freezer right now.  I think I'm going to also watch gilmore girls all day though. 

MrsHetzel

I wish there was more focus on school in my neck of the woods. I feel like everyone is pushing kids into extra curriculars from the start. Like you have to start playing soccer the second you can walk so you can make a club team by 7, and you have to start ballet at 2 so you can be on an episode of Dance Moms. And then there's lacrosse, and baseball, and piano and theater, and cooking lessons and yoga!! What happened to teaching your child how to read?

Fitnessteach2010

As I stated earlier, I've been teaching for 15 years. It's amazing how people that have never taught a day in their lives or taken an early childhood class are experts. You make the decision based on your child's needs. Teaching them to value education is the best indicator of their success! Go on preschool tours and ask questions about the academic goals. Then you make your decision.

valstulas

Meh, I refuse to participate in that kind of competition. DS1 didn't even know his ABC's when he started kindergarten and now he 's reading at grade level, which is pretty impressive for a kid with ADHD.

It may be true that early schooling and access to good schools helps to determine financial success, but we're lower middle class so I guess the odds are too stacked against my children anyway. At the end of the day, if my children grow up to be nice people, I will consider them a success.

queenbone

I think the level of competition depends upon where you live. There isn't a lot of competition around here per se. But I felt a lot of pressure in picking a school in advance because I needed to determine whether or not I needed to switch parishes. Also I am picking a school with which I will have a relationship for the next  15-16 yrs of my life! (PK-8th x3 kids.) That was the biggest factor in my level of stress in picking the school.

bridge2005

MrsHetzel:

I wish there was more focus on school in my neck of the woods. I feel like everyone is pushing kids into extra curriculars from the start. Like you have to start playing soccer the second you can walk so you can make a club team by 7, and you have to start ballet at 2 so you can be on an episode of Dance Moms. And then there's lacrosse, and baseball, and piano and theater, and cooking lessons and yoga!! What happened to teaching your child how to read?

This. It seems everyone around here picks schools depending on how the athletic departments are, not how the school is academically. Everyone is very focused on sports in our town.

rubbielynn12

jackson290721:

rubbielynn12:

10 points to the rory Gilmore gifs. As for the preschool, around here it isn't that big of a deal. I live in a small town though. They have really bumped up the curriculum in the elementary school though! My clients in Chicago area have the same preschool worries too. I just don't get it. Good luck and eat some ice cream while you watch some Gilmore girls, and yes that's what I'm doing all day today.

haha funny you said that. I'm trying really hard to resist the ice cream in my freezer right now.  I think I'm going to also watch gilmore girls all day though. 

It's rainy and icky here and DH is having a boys day so I said screw it lol. The ice cream was do worth it!

queenbone

valstulas:

At the end of the day, if my children grow up to be nice people, I will consider them a success.

 

maryoosa

I think it depends on where you live... I was just looking at nursery schools and was shocked that #1. they had applications processes, and #2 they "bragged" about the elementary schools the kids were accepted into.

 Yikes.

Liz4444

bridge2005:

MrsHetzel:

I wish there was more focus on school in my neck of the woods. I feel like everyone is pushing kids into extra curriculars from the start. Like you have to start playing soccer the second you can walk so you can make a club team by 7, and you have to start ballet at 2 so you can be on an episode of Dance Moms. And then there's lacrosse, and baseball, and piano and theater, and cooking lessons and yoga!! What happened to teaching your child how to read?

This. It seems everyone around here picks schools depending on how the athletic departments are, not how the school is academically. Everyone is very focused on sports in our town.

When you say "pick schools" do you mean private schools? Around here, you go to the school in the town you live in. There are 6 elementary schools and 2 middle schools that are based on what area of town you live in, then they all feed into the same high school. As I said in the other thread, a big reason we moved back to this area is the school is one of the top rated in the state. For nursery school, generally you send your kid to the temple you belong to or the JCC, yes, it is a primarily Jewish neighborhood. They are all pretty comparable.

I know a lot of people that do send their kids to private school, I chose to go my junior and senior year, but the college rosters for the public and private schools in the area were pretty much the same. It's also a 100 percent HS graduate then to college rate around here. Growing up, college never seemed like an option, it was just what you did.

jegoffin

I'm struggling with whether or not to put dd1 into preschool this fall. She will start kindergarten at almost 6 so she would go to preschool for 3 years! That seems excessive to me and I'm afraid she would be extremely bored by time she even gets there. Also, I just want her to stay little as long as possible

PrimRoseMama

Mamasighs:

This all sounds over the top to me. A good half day preschool starting at 3 (as in 2 or 3 days a week through a church or Montessori), pre K at 4 (DS is enrolled in the state program - the horror, right? for next year) and K at 5 is standard where I live, and we live in a wealthy area with a good deal of advantages for children. Early education is important, but as with all things involving mothering these days, too many people get caught up in the competition they create out of thin air.

We are still working on real words here y'all! hahaha  

bridge2005

Liz4444:

bridge2005:

MrsHetzel:

I wish there was more focus on school in my neck of the woods. I feel like everyone is pushing kids into extra curriculars from the start. Like you have to start playing soccer the second you can walk so you can make a club team by 7, and you have to start ballet at 2 so you can be on an episode of Dance Moms. And then there's lacrosse, and baseball, and piano and theater, and cooking lessons and yoga!! What happened to teaching your child how to read?

This. It seems everyone around here picks schools depending on how the athletic departments are, not how the school is academically. Everyone is very focused on sports in our town.

When you say "pick schools" do you mean private schools? Around here, you go to the school in the town you live in. There are 6 elementary schools and 2 middle schools that are based on what area of town you live in, then they all feed into the same high school. As I said in the other thread, a big reason we moved back to this area is the school is one of the top rated in the state. For nursery school, generally you send your kid to the temple you belong to or the JCC, yes, it is a primarily Jewish neighborhood. They are all pretty comparable.

I know a lot of people that do send their kids to private school, I chose to go my junior and senior year, but the college rosters for the public and private schools in the area were pretty much the same. It's also a 100 percent HS graduate then to college rate around here. Growing up, college never seemed like an option, it was just what you did.

There is a lot of open enrollment that goes on here. Each town has one elementary, one middle school and one high school. The town next to us doesn't have football, but they have a state ranked baseball team. A lot of people from that town open enroll into other surrounding schools if they think their son would be a good football player, or people will open enroll to the non football school if they are a baseball family.

PrimRoseMama

redaero:

And just for the record, it's completely untrue that what school your child attends will determine their station in life. I was one of six children myself, raised by a single mother, and we never attended any expensive private schools with waiting lists or competition to get in. We used the public school system. Where are we now? Well, I'm a nurse, I have a brother who's a physician, a sister in nursing school, another brother in medical school, another still an undergrad, and another with a finance degree. Obviously, our failure to attend Montessori preschool has not determined our station in life. So there's my big F you to anyone who thinks so.

Liz4444

redaero:

...Yeah, I have a hard time buying into the "OMG my child is 3 and academically not on track and going to fail at LIFE" thing. I mean, to me, it's just elitist and ridiculous. When did growing up into a healthy, competent, and socially/emotionally welladjusted adult become a freaking contest? And since when are academics the only measure of a happy and fulfilling life? Honestly, people who freak out about baby/toddler/preschool academics need to get a grip and relax.nbsp;Everything we know about childhood development says it's important to let kids be kids. PLAYING is their primary developmental job for a lot longer than some people seem to think, and frankly, a bigger deal than a lot of people seem to think, too.And just for the record, it's completely untrue that what school your child attends will determine their station in life. I was one of six children myself, raised by a single mother, and we never attended any expensive private schools with waiting lists or competition to get in. We used the public school system. Where are we now? Well, I'm a nurse, I have a brother who's a physician, a sister in nursing school, another brother in medical school, another still an undergrad, and another with a finance degree. Obviously, our failure to attend Montessori preschool has not determined our station in life. So there's my big F you to anyone who thinks so.

It's not like they are trying to teach algebra to 2 year olds... They play, sing, get read to, have a snack, then play some more.

valstulas

maryannespier:

redaero:

And just for the record, it's completely untrue that what school your child attends will determine their station in life. I was one of six children myself, raised by a single mother, and we never attended any expensive private schools with waiting lists or competition to get in. We used the public school system. Where are we now? Well, I'm a nurse, I have a brother who's a physician, a sister in nursing school, another brother in medical school, another still an undergrad, and another with a finance degree. Obviously, our failure to attend Montessori preschool has not determined our station in life. So there's my big F you to anyone who thinks so.

You're right.  Station is not DETERMINED by schools and education.  That said, we live in a country where it is certainly easier for students with certain educational backgrounds to go on to lead financially successful lives.  I see it all the time.  A pretty unimpressive kid who attends Harvard Westlake or Campbell Hall (two high powered high schools in LA) is probably going to have more college options than a smart kid at Valley High School, a giant public just to the south in Santa Ana.  What college you attend does influence your success after graduation (unfortunately).  And that kid was probably more likely to get into HW or Campbell Hall if they attended a good private elementary school. 

So no, not completely determined by, but certainly strongly influenced by.  

That's unfortunate. There are lots of smart kids with promise that aren't getting the advantages of other kids, simply due to geographics and finances. But, I suppose that's another discussion entirely.

queenbone

maryannespier:

etoille:

I'm the worst person to ask about this.  We're very obviously moving into Langley school district with the hopes that our kid will be able to test into and want (second part is also important - the 'wanting') to go to Thomas Jefferson.

https://www.usnews.com/education/best-high-schools/virginia/rankings?int=c0b4c1

Obama regularly is in and out of TJ for photo ops - https://annandale.patch.com/articles/photos-president-obama-signs-patent-bill-at-thomas-jefferson-high-school#photo-7788334

And Langley HS....well lets just say that we'll be 'the poor family.'

I 100% believe in everything maryanne said.  Who you know + local tax base = best possible path for your child if you measure it in terms of the most doors opened as possible.  And no where is that no more apparent than where your kid goes to school.  Its also why we selected the day care we did.

 I'm not saying I need to have that lifestyle - lord knows I dont dress it, I dont understand fancy cars, and I use ONE purse until its almost destroyed.  I shop at the gap and target.  But my kid's education is one area that I'll go full out on.

ETA - all that being said - you have to remember DH and I are nerds.  Some people prioritize other things and that doesn't make one persons choices better than another's.  My advice is to do what you feel is the best for your family.  Always go into it with a full knowledge of the facts though.  Part of prioritization is weighing pros and cons and tradeoffs.

Yup, I know about TJ!   It's a school that all (good) admissions counselors know about, even if it isn't in our assigned geographical territory.  And yeah, that means something when it comes to admissions decisions.

Now I'm dying to know if my hs is on your radar.

queenbone

maryannespier:

queenbone:

Now I'm dying to know if my hs is on your radar.

I do know Portland schools pretty well!  I read Oregon apps for a few seasons.

I just sent you a PM, because I'm nosy like that.

Abeille

There are preschools around here where parents camp out in the wee morning hours on registration day so their kid can get a spot. It's crazy.

We have a bilingual home and we're hoping to be able to extend that into our children's education as well.  It's helped narrow our search and we found a preschool we are very happy with.  However, right now we live in a small condo and plan to buy something larger before our daughter is in Kindergarten.  What schools we will be zoned to will definitely impact the home we buy.  Fortunately we're in a large enough city that that there are opportunities for foreign language development from a very young age in the public schools, b/c private school is not in our budget.  But still, finding the right school for us and a home we like and can afford is very overwhelming to think about.

KdgTeacher

valstulas:

maryannespier:

redaero:

And just for the record, it's completely untrue that what school your child attends will determine their station in life. I was one of six children myself, raised by a single mother, and we never attended any expensive private schools with waiting lists or competition to get in. We used the public school system. Where are we now? Well, I'm a nurse, I have a brother who's a physician, a sister in nursing school, another brother in medical school, another still an undergrad, and another with a finance degree. Obviously, our failure to attend Montessori preschool has not determined our station in life. So there's my big F you to anyone who thinks so.

You're right.  Station is not DETERMINED by schools and education.  That said, we live in a country where it is certainly easier for students with certain educational backgrounds to go on to lead financially successful lives.  I see it all the time.  A pretty unimpressive kid who attends Harvard Westlake or Campbell Hall (two high powered high schools in LA) is probably going to have more college options than a smart kid at Valley High School, a giant public just to the south in Santa Ana.  What college you attend does influence your success after graduation (unfortunately).  And that kid was probably more likely to get into HW or Campbell Hall if they attended a good private elementary school. 

So no, not completely determined by, but certainly strongly influenced by.  

That's unfortunate. There are lots of smart kids with promise that aren't getting the advantages of other kids, simply due to geographics and finances. But, I suppose that's another discussion entirely.

There was a story on the Today show this morning of a young lady (1 of 6 children, single mother who had cancer that was homeless since 6th grade, studied by light of cell phone in shelters) that just graduated #1 in her class with a 4.59 GPA going into Spellman as a JUNIOR studying chem and something else.  Geography and $ may be other road blocks, but it's still possible to succeed. 

 Is the school you go to important?  Sure, it can be.  But one of the most (if not the most) critical pieces is having involved parents. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, school is not what it was when we were sitting in the classroom.  The standards that will be used by the majority of states soon are much more rigorous--for a general comparison what we did in 4th grade, 2nd graders will be expected to do.

 

Stina2012

maryannespier:

etoille:

I'm the worst person to ask about this.  We're very obviously moving into Langley school district with the hopes that our kid will be able to test into and want (second part is also important - the 'wanting') to go to Thomas Jefferson.

https://www.usnews.com/education/best-high-schools/virginia/rankings?int=c0b4c1

Obama regularly is in and out of TJ for photo ops - https://annandale.patch.com/articles/photos-president-obama-signs-patent-bill-at-thomas-jefferson-high-school#photo-7788334

And Langley HS....well lets just say that we'll be 'the poor family.'

I 100% believe in everything maryanne said.  Who you know + local tax base = best possible path for your child if you measure it in terms of the most doors opened as possible.  And no where is that no more apparent than where your kid goes to school.  Its also why we selected the day care we did.

 I'm not saying I need to have that lifestyle - lord knows I dont dress it, I dont understand fancy cars, and I use ONE purse until its almost destroyed.  I shop at the gap and target.  But my kid's education is one area that I'll go full out on.

ETA - all that being said - you have to remember DH and I are nerds.  Some people prioritize other things and that doesn't make one persons choices better than another's.  My advice is to do what you feel is the best for your family.  Always go into it with a full knowledge of the facts though.  Part of prioritization is weighing pros and cons and tradeoffs.

Yup, I know about TJ!   It's a school that all (good) admissions counselors know about, even if it isn't in our assigned geographical territory.  And yeah, that means something when it comes to admissions decisions.

See I don't see the benefit of TJ. Yorktown, Langley, Washington Lee sure. But TJ? Let kids be kids for a few years. This is based on my own experience growing up. Super smart, great HS, all AP since sophomore year and then I had issues settling into college where everyone else was smart too. I wish I had spent more time focusing on friends and relating with people. People skills are so much more important than book skills and I want my kids to develop both sides. 

Stina2012

etoille:

Yeah this is basically the crux of my argument to DH on letting the kid choose whether they want to go to TJ if they can. I figure if they go to Langley then I've done my job on the opportunities metric. They can take it from there if they desire.

My good friend from college is a guidance counselor at Langley. She had something like 600 of her kids this year apply to JMU. I think the VA schools get flooded with in state applicants. FWIW I went to W&M.

I do plan on taking LO to Charlottesville in the hopes she falls in love with UVA and self-motivates to attend. But I would also love, love, love to move to CVille. Regardless, college will be an expectation in our house. And I agree with KDG that its more parental involvement vs. dropping your kid off at a school that affects education outcomes.

Stina2012

ncchnat:

Stina2012:

etoille:

Yeah this is basically the crux of my argument to DH on letting the kid choose whether they want to go to TJ if they can. I figure if they go to Langley then I've done my job on the opportunities metric. They can take it from there if they desire.

My good friend from college is a guidance counselor at Langley. She had something like 600 of her kids this year apply to JMU. I think the VA schools get flooded with in state applicants. FWIW I went to W&M.

I do plan on taking LO to Charlottesville in the hopes she falls in love with UVA and self-motivates to attend. But I would also love, love, love to move to CVille. Regardless, college will be an expectation in our house. And I agree with KDG that its more parental involvement vs. dropping your kid off at a school that affects education outcomes.

Why? I hated living in CVille! (Of course, I was married to a broke grad student and working three jobs, so that may be part of it. ) It's actually not a bad little city, but you do kind of need to be upper middle class to be able to afford it and have fun there.

Ha! After we sold our NoVA digs we'd be all set to be part of the CVille upper crust. But seriously, Bodos Bagels is enough to make me want to live there! 

Stina2012

ncchnat:

Okay, I'll give you Bodos. I miss them so much! The best bagels I can get here in the south are the ones I make myself and they just don't compare. I also really miss Fry's Spring Station, but mostly because on Wednesday nights, from 6-8, they have half-priced bottles of wine, so our friends would head over there for overpriced (but delicious pizza) and temporarily cheap wine.

Really, the biggest problem with CVille is the housing costs. We had a not quite 1,000 square foot, 2 bedroom condo that we paid over 100K for and that was the best price per square footage we could get at the time. (It's for rent, by the way, if you want to move there. I promise, I'm an easygoing landlord, considering I'm 800 miles away. ) 

The cost of other things is up there, too, but the housing costs was the biggest sticker shock to me. 

After NoVA housing prices can't shock you. CVille would be cheap compared to this area. Like cheap enough for me to be a SAHM cheap. 

PrimRoseMama

zomg my brain might explode. >.<

eggymaye

I live on Long Island and most of the schools here are not that great. But that aside, I am going to do what my parents did with myself and my brother.  Whenever we were interested in something and they didn't know the answer they took us to the library to research it.  We would start at the the encyclopedia and then get a few books on whatever the subject was.They fostered our interests in whatever we wanted to learn about.  In that way, I kind of self taught myself.  I was reading at a collegiate level by 8th grade because reading was encouraged in my house.  The schools I went to were mediocre, but the emphasis on reading and learning in my house is why I did so well in school.

EMF70

I'm in Manhattan and the whole preschool thing is insane. I don't know what we're going to do. I still can't get over the fact that a 3 year old needs letters of recommendation to get into a decent preschool.  

Liz4444

EMF70:

I'm in Manhattan and the whole preschool thing is insane. I don't know what we're going to do. I still can't get over the fact that a 3 year old needs letters of recommendation to get into a decent preschool. nbsp;

That was a lot of the reason we moved out of Manhattan, aside from not wanting to raise a child in an apartment, I didn't want to deal with all of the school BS. My friend's kids were at Dalton and on top of tuition, to keep your kid in good standing, you had to donate to the school to the tune of 6 figures... Yearly.

queenbone

maryannespier:

Queenbone, I replied!

Me too, thanks.

audbeach

Our pediatrician for DD asked me at her 3 year check up what our plans for preschool were.  I had no idea that I was going to be asked that.  I told him her daycare also has a preschool but we were going to try to get her into a private school that is really hard to get into.  He basically said that either of those were fine options, but he also sounded like there were places that, had I said we were going with them, he would have told me to look elsewhere.  I thought all preschools would be fine.

Liz4444

Mystererae, off topic, but I went to USC too!