WWYD- DH's cousin (longish)

Erinm278

So, you ladies have become my sounding board for things I'm not quite sure how to deal with.  This is a truly uncomfortable situation that neither DH or myself know how to handle.

Backstory:

DH's cousin just turned 18.  She is responsible, trustworthy, and really a great kid (not really a kid anymore?).  In the past when we have had to go out of town for the weekend we have asked her to come stay at our house and dog sit for us.  She has done this for us about 4-5 times.  We leave her money and tell her she can bring a girlfriend to keep her company.  She always does a great job with Cooper, and our house is always spotless when we get home.

Well we went out of town 2 weekends ago for my baby shower and she watched the dog.  Yesterday DH decided to vacuum the couch and took the cushions off.  Well he found a black lace thong that is definitely NOT mine!

Obviously DH's cousin had her boyfriend over....

What would you do about this?  I want to be able to ask her to dog sit in the future, but I don't think it's appropriate for her boyfriend to be coming over, hooking up in our house, and we don't know if he stayed the night?!

I don't want to make this awkward, but I want her to know it's not ok.  Thoughts?!

[Deleted User]

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

Liz4444

Asbromle:

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

I agree. If she was 15, it would be different.

Erinm278

Liz4444:

Asbromle:

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

I agree. If she was 15, it would be different.

I would love to do that.  It's not about her having sex, she can make her own choices about that.  We just don't feel comfortable with her having sleep overs with her boyfriend at our house.

kadymax

I agree, she's 18, and besides this she does a great job!! It's hard to find someone you trust with your animals.

Did you do stuff like this when you were her age? She probably doesn't think it's that big of a deal

Liz4444

Erinm278:

Liz4444:

Asbromle:

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

I agree. If she was 15, it would be different.

I would love to do that.  It's not about her having sex, she can make her own choices about that.  We just don't feel comfortable with her having sleep overs with her boyfriend at our house.

I would ignore this one and the next time she dog sits for you, just casually mention she can have a friend but you would rather it be a girl friend and prefer she doesn't have her boyfriend over.

Erinm278

Liz4444:

Erinm278:

Liz4444:

Asbromle:

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

I agree. If she was 15, it would be different.

I would love to do that.  It's not about her having sex, she can make her own choices about that.  We just don't feel comfortable with her having sleep overs with her boyfriend at our house.

I would ignore this one and the next time she dog sits for you, just casually mention she can have a friend but you would rather it be a girl friend and prefer she doesn't have her boyfriend over.

DH said something like this.  I think that's probably the best way to deal with it too.  I don't want to make her feel awkward.

supersarah77

Put the thing in the mail to her and don't say a word. C:

supersarah77

Put the thong in the mail to her and don't say a word. C:

Erinm278

Superzuber:

Put the thong in the mail to her and don't say a word. C:

We already tossed it.  We don't want to embarrass her.  We both have a really good relationship with her and, like I said, it's not about her having sex.

supersarah77

Erinm278:

Superzuber:

Put the thong in the mail to her and don't say a word. C:

We already tossed it.  We don't want to embarrass her.  We both have a really good relationship with her and, like I said, it's not about her having sex.

That was meant to make you laugh but obviously didn't have the intended effect. So let me try again. I think you should definitely tell her but in a lighthearted way. "Hey, I don't want to embarrass you, but we found a black thong in the couch cushions the other day and based on the timing I'm guessing they're yours? NBD but we'd prefer that hanky panky not happen in our house in the future. Btw, nice taste, they were pretty."

Erinm278

Superzuber:

Erinm278:

Superzuber:

Put the thong in the mail to her and don't say a word. C:

We already tossed it.  We don't want to embarrass her.  We both have a really good relationship with her and, like I said, it's not about her having sex.

That was meant to make you laugh but obviously didn't have the intended effect. So let me try again. I think you should definitely tell her but in a lighthearted way. "Hey, I don't want to embarrass you, but we found a black thong in the couch cushions the other day and based on the timing I'm guessing they're yours? NBD but we'd prefer that hanky panky not happen in our house in the future. Btw, nice taste, they were pretty."

No, I didn't realize you meant it as a joke.

TiffMarie07

At least it wasn't in your bed.
Honestly, she's 18. I don't think there was any harm done and at least you have somebody that takes good care of your fur baby. It is always hard leaving somebody alone in your house and it sounds like she takes great care of it.

[Deleted User]

somerandomchick:

It's possible that your underwear can end up in odd places in the house without meaning sex... Was she supposed to be staying there overnight or just visiting during the day? If she was staying there overnight its possible the underwear ended up in the living room some other way. What if she had to dig through her overnight bag to find something and was taking stuff out and failed to put everything back in? Etc. if she was just supposed to do brief visits then there's not really any reason to have underwear on your house that she's not wearing.

While I was at the gym I was thinking about this post for some reason and I kind of thought the same thing.  My dog steals socks and hides them places, maybe your dog did the same with her undies or maybe as PP stated, they fell out of her overnight bag.

Linzbut113083

She probably realizes they are missing especially if she only had one extra pair of underware for the stay. Do you think next time she is over, she will be looking for them? Leave her a note under a couch cushion so if she goes to locate them, its obvious they were found.

BC&LM

Asbromle:

She's 18. Throw them out and pretend you never found them.

This. Plus, while it's likely that is what happened, you shouldn't automatically assume. Maybe she just got changed in the living room. If you don't want her to have visitors in the future, you need to specify this to her. If you previously told her no boys and she still invited him, then don't ask her to house sit anymore if it makes you uncomfortable.

Erinm278

Asbromle:

somerandomchick:

It's possible that your underwear can end up in odd places in the house without meaning sex... Was she supposed to be staying there overnight or just visiting during the day? If she was staying there overnight its possible the underwear ended up in the living room some other way. What if she had to dig through her overnight bag to find something and was taking stuff out and failed to put everything back in? Etc. if she was just supposed to do brief visits then there's not really any reason to have underwear on your house that she's not wearing.

While I was at the gym I was thinking about this post for some reason and I kind of thought the same thing.  My dog steals socks and hides them places, maybe your dog did the same with her undies or maybe as PP stated, they fell out of her overnight bag.

It is possible. I think it's more likely she had her bf over, but anything is possible. Either way, I'm not going to bring the undies up to her.