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Working Moms
pinkglam7
member
How do you do it? Vent
pinkglam7
member
in Working Moms
I'm in my 3rd week back at work and it sucks!! I work 40 hrs a week and by the time I get home, cook dinner, bath time, and get everything ready for the next day I only have an hour or so with LO. I try and wear her as much as possible but some days I feel like the only time I hold her is when I'm feeding her (I EBF) or when she is too fussy for DH to calm. I want her when shes happy and smiling too!! MIL watches LO so I almost feel it would be silly to be a SAHM but I feel like with LO spending 8 hours a day with my MIL she is raising her instead of me! I miss maternity leave. How do you spend your evenings and fit in more time with LO?
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Re: How do you do it? Vent
It's hard and you're still finding the groove so hopefully it will get better. At that age, I waited until LO was asleep to get things ready for the next day. We'd come home, do dinner as quickly as possible (crock pot, leftovers, etc) or just wait until after LO's bedtime, depending on what the current bedtime was. Then play and enjoy the baby until it was bath time/bed time. After LO was asleep, I'd get bottles ready, clean kitchen, eat if we hadn't already, then head to sleep!
I cherish nursing time and worked to see it as an enjoyable experience instead of something to check off the list. When LO is done eating, resist the urge to pass her off and get up to get something done. Enjoy her smiles and coos and that milk-drunk state.
And your MIL is not raising your daughter; she is helping you out so you can be a good role model and provide for your family. Your daughter will not forget that YOU are her mommy.
What is Once A Month Mom? No prep sounds amazing and the Crockpot is getting a little old for us.
It is quality of time together...not quantity. Your MIL is not raising your child...you are!
We do lot of crockpot meals so that we have dinner ready when we get home. Or I have things all ready so all I have to do is pull it out of the fridge and throw it into the oven when I get home (ie chicken breasts all ready in the baking dish with seasonings, veggies, cheese,etc.) It saves me time from having to do all the prep when I get home. It gives me a chance to play with DD while dinner cooks and also put away our lunch bags.
We play with DD until bath/bed time. Then when she goes to bed, I prepare everything for the next day: lunches, any prep work for the next day's dinner, and any cleaning that needs to be done that day.
And trust me, our routine didn't just happen over night. It took some trial and error to get here. Especially as DD's routine changed...she now is in bed at 8:00pm for the night, so it makes things a lot easier for me knowing I don't have to get up for a 2am feeding, etc.
7lbs 13oz 20 inches long
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
Planning is what works best for us. I literally do nothing after work when the girls are awake. Dinner is already made--I either make it the night before to heat up the next day, have a crockpot meal going, or pull out a freezer meal. I have a food "schedule." I cook a big meal on Saturday and Sunday, make a big crockpot meal on Monday, eat the leftovers on Tuesday through Thursday, and order food in on Friday.
DD2 goes down at 8pm and DD1 at 9pm. Then I lay out their clothes, shower, prep bottles and food, clean the kitchen, and do some other random stuff before I go to bed aroudn 1130pm.
I don't sweat the small stuff. My house isn't spotless, I'm not throwing Martha Stewart meals down on my table every night, and I don't make a lot of time for myself. But I get to snuggle up with my girls after work and make the most of our time. It's all about the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity.
Your MIL isn't the one raising your LO. She's caring for your LO while you are at work. You will always be the main center of influence for your child.
Agree with others that focus on LO when you are with her and try to save the chores after she is in bed or napping. The hardest time is the first few months back to work. It gets easier.
I kind of disagree about quality vs. quantity, though. Most things I have read say that quantity/being there is very important. However, when you are a working mom, you can only do the best you can do with the hours you have.
I promise it gets easier. You have to think quality, not quantity.
See how much you can prepare for dinner the night before to save some time. When I'm cooking, I'll either let DD1 play with DD2 or I put DD2 in her high chair and pull her up to the kitchen counter and I talk and sing songs to her while I"m cooking. So it's quality time too. After dinner is ready, I play with the girls and once DH is home we eat. After dinner (which we all spend together and talk about our days and feed DD2) I take the girls up for bath and DH cleans up dinner. Then we come downstairs and play or watch TV then DD2 has her bottle and one of us takes her up to read a book and put her in bed, and then it's the same for DD1. We also have some play time in the morning too.
After the girls are in bed, we make lunches for the next day and do any prep for tomorrow's dinner.
It's got to be hard feeling like your MIL is raising your LO - but you're her mommy, not MIL. Always remember that.
Kids don't know the difference between quality and quantity. Yes, actually, they DO want quantity! But that being said - trust me, you are MOM. Nothing can replace that. Absolutely nothing. DS spends a lot of time w/ my parents. He ADORES them. They spoil him. When I need to discipline him, he'll say he wants Grammie because he knows Grammie will let him get away with stuff.
But when it comes down to it, when he's sick, when he's tired, when he really just wants to be comforted- it's ME he calls for. Even at their house - he'll wake up in the middle of the night and cry for ME.
You do have to make the most of the time that you have. From that perspective, I do understand the "quality" argument. You, for yourself, need to make every minute count.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I do all chores and cooking after DD has gone to bed. I am able to maximize my time with DD this way.
It sucks going back to work but you will get through it. And don't feel like MIL is raising your child. My mom always worked and I never once felt like my mom didn't raise me.
This is what we plan to do as well when DD starts daycare next week. Granted I'll probably eat a bunch of junk before dinner and pack on 20 lbs but at least I'll have more time with her LOL
girl...is sucks. I wish i had a magic answer. I just posted this morning about watchin LO play with paint at Daycare and just being so in love. I have a very busy night and honestly try to juggle and make the most of it. By the time i get home, I will :
Put lo in his high chair next to me while i make dinner. We play while i cook.
-Lo eats next to me at dinner
Bath time is our big play time
and night time co-sleep/breast feed.
It sucks. It does. I really wish I could be a SHM or just financially stable to work part time. just make the most of everything.
I think this every day. I don't get home from work and daycare pick up until 6 p.m. every night and that is with working an altered schedule and getting off work at 4:30. As soon as I get home I just into auto drive now. It took a few weeks of being back to work to get there. I let the dog out and put DS in his high chair while I begin prepping and cooking for dinner. Then I feed DS and then he goes back into his high chair to play while I finish cooking and while we eat. He will usually take a 20-25 minute nap at some point between the time we get home and now at this point. Then we quickly clean up from dinner and I dedicate to playing with him and giving him a bath on bath nights until about 9:30 p.m. I know this might sound late...but he stays up and then we give him his last bottle of the night and he now will sleep for us until 5 or 6 in the morning when we get up and start the day. Once DS is down for the night, I can try to get a few more things done around the house, but often I am so exhausted that I just want to go to bed before I have to wake up at 4:45 a.m. again.
I try on the weekends to make one or two things ahead if possible---a meatloaf, some kind of casserole, pulled pork in the crock pot that can be reheated, lasagna etc. That way I can just spend the time with him when I get home. Now that the weather is nicer, it's helpful that I can prep dinner by putting a bunch of veggies, chicken breasts or even burgers on the counter so then when DH comes home he can throw it all on the grill. I do whatever I can to maximize my time with DS every night.
And my mom worked while I was growing up.....I never thought any less of her as a mom and still don't. But I do understand how you feel because I still have guilt myself for working some days.
The first couple weeks after going back to work is definitely an adjustment, for everyone! At this point focus on getting a little bit of a routine together, maybe try 1-2 things in the evening when you get home. Can you nurse her right when you walk in the door? Spend 15 minutes with her to reconnect and then figure out what happens next. It sounds like you're spending a lot of time in the evening doing things you could do after she goes to bed. I get home between 5-5:30 now and DD is in bed by 7, so I try to spend as much quality time with her as I can. I prep our bags for the next day, do dishes, laundry and other chores after I put her down. Are there things you can ask your MIL to do while she's at your house (well, assuming she babysits at your house), like turning on the oven or getting dinner started? What can your DH do? If you feel like you have to hold her, get a good carrier to give you hands free.
It will take some time, but let youself find a routine and then I think you'll feel better. Once your D is a little older, she may stay up later and won't want you to give her total attention all the time, so it gets easier! Hang in there
We also put off making dinner until LO is asleep. I get around 3 hours with her every evening and I spend it with her.
We don't clean. We hire a service to do it. We don't prep for the next day until after she is asleep.
I do small loads of laundry every night, instead of large ones. I use the dishwasher all the time so I don't waste time washing dishes.
Otherwise, I think it's all about quality time as well. Of course, I do not desire at all to be a SAHM. I would fail in that arena.
It does get easier. I really does. You get into your groove, get a schedule and once LO is a bit older you will find it easier each day. This board is very helpful.
There have already been a lot of great answers but I have a feeling this is the most common question on this board so I will back up what the others have said:
It gets easier but never perfect. You always want more time or energy for the baby.
Quality, not quantity-save chores for when she is sleeping.
Half-a** or outsource anything you can-prepared foods, ordering things to be delivered instead of shopping (Amazon Prime is amazing), stop sorting and folding towels, underwear, pajamas and any other laundry that never sees the light of day, invest in a good dishwasher that doesn't require rinsing, don't make the bed, use dry shampoo during the week, etc.
This seems backwards but I've found making or using reuseable of a lot of things actually saves me time. I'd rather spend 30 minutes making 6 months of laundry detergent than have one more thing on my list at the store. I'd rather have an extra load of laundry than need to stop on my way home for napkins, paper towels, all purpose cleaner, wipes or diapers.
Until they were quite a bit older I bathed tues thurs during the week and own sat and Sunday, both as a time ver and bc they don't need a bath every day. In summer w sunscreen and stuff when they got older we did more often baths or when they were really dirty but otherwise washed hands and faces on the off nights.
everyone has very good advice...biggest is dont sweat the small stuff.