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March 2013 Moms
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No kids allowed ...

aprilsarahjuneaprilsarahjune member
in March 2013 Moms

I know this comes up a lot on these boards, but I have been invited to a bridal shower and wedding to which kids are not allowed.  I knew the etiquette regarding the wedding invitation (it was addressed just to my husband and me), but I was unsure about the bridal shower.  The bridal shower has a religious them (from which I assume it is not an afternoon of drinking), so I decided I would ask.  I sent an email to the RSVP email address and said that I would be attending and, if kids were allowed, I would have my newborn and possibly my toddlers with me.  The reply came back saying that they could not accommodate kids.  Okay, that is their perogative.  But now I want to back out (I do not want to take the breast pump with me) but don't want to look like "that girl who got mad about the no kids rule."  Any ideas on polite ways to cancel my RSVP?

I am already going to have to take a breast pump to a wedding.  (I have had to do that before and it sucks.)  I am going to draw the line on taking it to a bridal shower.

*Siggy warning - loss mentioned*
Preemie ID DDs; then DS; then natural M/C; now due 10/17
High risk for pre-term: weekly Makena injections
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Re: No kids allowed ...

  • lightgetsinlightgetsin member
    I don't think you will look like the girl who got mad if you back out.  You asked if you can bring your kids and they said no, so maybe you just don't have a sitter.  As long as you still send a gift, I am sure the bride won't be put off Smile
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  • SarahRae85SarahRae85 member

    I would just explain that it's difficult to arrange a babysitter for both events and you will be unable to attend. No need to mention the breast pump dilemma.

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  • leahstarrhleahstarrh member
    Agreed I would just say its a sitter issue. When someone chooses not to allow children at their event then they need to also understand that may limit who can attend.
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  • KYmama9286KYmama9286 member
    I would just call back and say that unfortunately you wont be able to attend because you are unable to arrange childcare for your children. Like pp said, when you make something adults only you have to be prepared that guests w/ small children may not attend. I am honestly surprised that they had a problem with you bringing a newborn. I've gone to 2 weddings since DD was born that were adult only and when I called to see if they would mind if I brought the newborn they said it was fine. I can understand not wanting toddlers running around or throwing tantrums but a newborn baby usually just sleeps the whole time and doesnt make a peep. But like you said, their prerogative which is completely fine if they want absolutely no kids there but I wouldn't feel bad RSVP'ing "no".
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  • ann_jeremiahann_jeremiah member
    Can you pump right before and right after the shower?

    DS1 -6/25/11

    DS2 -3/23/13

    Missed MC D&C 8/26/14

    DD - 8/26/15

    LO#4 due 5/30/17


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  • MSW_721MSW_721 member

    imageann_jeremiah:
    Can you pump right before and right after the shower?

    This is what I did when I went to a bridal shower a few weeks ago. It was an hour and a half drive so I nursed DD right before I went and then pumped when I got there. No one minded and they found a private room for me and let me put my milk and parts in the fridge. And then I pumped once it was over (without washing the parts since they were in the refrigerator). Like you, I was dreading it and considered not going but I'm glad I did. I hate hate hate pumping but without it I would be stuck with LO on my boob all the time! 


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  • aprilsarahjuneaprilsarahjune member

    Thanks, ladies!  I am going to decline - maybe on the childcare excuse but my MIL will be at the shower and would know that was a lie (I have lots of childcare options). 

    As for pumping, I had to go back to work 3 weeks ago since LO was 8 weeks, so I already pump 3x day every weekday.  I do not want to pump or be away from my infant on the weekend.

    The bride will likely understand (and perhaps have the same frustrations) some day. 

    *Siggy warning - loss mentioned*
    Preemie ID DDs; then DS; then natural M/C; now due 10/17
    High risk for pre-term: weekly Makena injections
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  • Virginia&Joshua11052011Virginia&Joshua11052011 member
    yeah, just be honest about not wanting to leave your newborn, who knows, they may say bring the newborn but not the toddler
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  • caladpi02caladpi02 member
    Maybe it is me, but I do not see why people should allow you to  bring your newborn. If it is a kid free event, and you cannot be kid free, you do not go. You can't do everything all of the time and when you are a new mom, there are things you do not get to do for awhile.  I have three weddings, four showers and two bachelorettes this summer. I had to decline both bachelorettes as they were entire weekend events. I am not bringing the baby to any wedding or shower, nor would I consider asking. If you can't go, you can't go.
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