Since it's gender day here...

GrayGhost13

...I've got another gender-related discussion for y'all.

What do y'all say or do when people give attention to your kid for behaving in gender-normative ways? Like, exclaiming "Oh he's all boy!" or "What a girly-girl!"

DH and I are very open-minded about gender roles. We've tried to buy a diverse variety of toys for DS and let him watch a diverse variety of entertainment. But the fact of the matter is that he does really love some toys and activities that are stereotypically boy-ish (like banging his trucks together and digging in the dirt), plus he's also fairly active and not very verbal because of a speech delay. So consequently we get lots of comments on how DS is "SUCH a boy!" "TYPICAL boy!"

And, I mean, he is a boy, obviously, what with his Y chromosome and all, but I'd prefer that he wouldn't feel like he needs to behave a certain way to prove that, KWIM?

 

Fianschneid

I generally just say something along the line of, "She just likes what she likes."

Some days, DD loves her baby dolls. Some days, she loves playing with her garbage trucks and blocks. So I guess she doesn't fall into the girlie girl category, anyway.

Nita2603

Meh, I just smile and nod.
The IL's ILs have already determined that my boys will catch the gay for being into 'girly' things like cleaning and in case of the little one for looking like me. Oh well.
I make a snide comment about 'I'd rather have a gay kid than an ignorant bigot' and that is it.
The typical nonmalicious comments...meh. Smile and nod.

bearfootz

I guess it really doesn't bother me.  Since DD and DS are twins they've always had both types of toys to play with and we don't push them one way or another.  But DD quickly became a little mom and attached to her doll.  DS on the other hand is just as likely to play with the vacuum as he is with the trucks and "boy" toys.  And he loves to wear fingernail polish, and I let him (much to DH's disliking). 

The other aspect is that DD mimics me.  She wants to carry a purse, wear makeup/jewelry, have her sunglasses on, cute shoes, etc. and has flat out said "I want to be like mommy" while doing these things.   I guess I never considered myself high maintainence or that girlie until I saw her imitate me.  But I'm not going to start acting manly or anything.  I just make sure to balance it out by having her do stuff with her dad or showing her that I know how to mow lawn, plow snow, etc. too so she doesn't think it's a role issue. 

But as far as the boys will be boys - I don't see anything wrong with that.  As long as it's not "only boys know how to do that" kind of attitude. 

nikip6454

It happens all the time with my DD and it annoys me but I don't say much.  DH and I let her play with whatever she wants and expose her to sports/trucks/cars/whatever.  I figure the comments from strangers or grandparents are rare in comparison so she should be fine!

kcisthebombdotcom

I say "yep!" Then a second later he's off playing with a princess doll and we encourage that too. I think you're reading too much into it. As long as you're not telling him he can't play with something since that's for girls, you're fine.

SpaceGirlSpiff

Eh, just shrug it off.  This really isn't a subject I work myself up over at all.  I'll let my kid play with and do what he wants, I'm not putting any effort into influencing either way.... not influencing him to do "boy things" or likewise pushing him to try "girly" things either... I just let him take the lead and be who he is.  And he does tend to be more rough and tumble by nature, very daring, very energetic, which many people will call "very much a boy".  He's always been that way.  I just call him Jason.

Sometimes I think this subject as a whole tends to be over-thought and obsessed over nowadays... it can get a little tiring to see the bickering over it on both sides. (and I mean this generally..in bump land and in real life... no one specific)

Caligirl81

KC_13:

I say "yep!" Then a second later he's off playing with a princess doll and we encourage that too. I think you're reading too much into it. As long as you're not telling him he can't play with something since that's for girls, you're fine.

This exactly.

It doesn't bother me. And I hear: "He is all boy" A LOT. To me, it seems like a nice way of saying: "Holy crap...that kid has a lot of energy!"

I don't know, I guess I just don't worry about these things...lol

GrayGhost13

aliciamueller:

It doesn't bother me. And I hear: "He is all boy" A LOT. To me, it seems like a nice way of saying: "Holy crap...that kid has a lot of energy!"

I don't know, I guess I just worry about these things...lol

LOL! There is a good chance that's exactly what they're trying to say about DS (and it's true!). Good point!

missyishere

It doesn't bother me too much.  That being said, I did inform my sister the other day that my child is not a "diva" because she's throwing fits lately; it's called being a toddler.  They're all whiny, demanding, crabscicles from time to time (especially when they're cutting all 4 molars).

Kitiara5512

My DS normally has his toe nails and sometimes one or all fingernails painted.

Also, his favorite color is pink.

People can comment on how he is all boy based on his love of trucks, trains, and dinosaurs, to which I generally comment either on his favorite color, or say something like "I know, but no one is perfect" like being all boy is disappointing to me or something if they are homophobic idiots.

RayRay007

We don't get a lot of comments like that, but I would like to say I'd treat them in the same way I'd treat the opposite type of comments. I'm not sure though.

chardonnay24

I don't say anything. I cringe every time I hear that my son is being "a typical boy", but if someone really feels that way, I'm not going to be able to change their mind. If I'm feeling particularly biitchy, I might comment that Foofa is his favorite YGG character and he loves pink and glitter and flowers more than he loves blue and trucks and bugs, just because that information will probably offend someone who believes in gender stereotypes.