Relationship dealbreaker - cheating?

hokiemama06

I was lurking on SAHMs, and one woman came home with her 2 year old and found her DH in bed with another woman.

Link:https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/73998035.aspx

Made me wonder - would that be a dealbreaker for you?  I have a hard time even imagining being in this position, but I believe I'd try to save the relationship.  It would take a lot of time, counseling and hard work, but I think I'd try to build a better marriage from it.  What about you guys?

reinedecajun

Definetley a dealbreaker! I've been through that mess once already. Ain't nobody got time fo dat!!!!

reinedecajun

I tried to stay with my ex husband after he cheated. I just could never fully forgive or trust him again.

apollonia10

Beyond a dealbreaker for me. My mom had an affair (she claimed it was only emotional, but I don't believe her) when I was young, and it affected me a lot. The guy was a family friend and I felt so betrayed that he'd been all nice to us when he was messing around with my mom. My dad was DONE when he found out. DH knows all about my feelings on the matter, so it would be a huge deal if he cheated after that. 

Boing214

I actually have to say we're trying to make it work after I found out that he cheated on me while we were dating, right before he asked me to marry him. I found out a couple of weeks after LO was born because his one night fling may have ended up with him fathering a child. We had a new baby at that point, and I didn't know what to do. So I kicked him out for a night, but now we're working on it. We're going to be going to counseling (should have already but we're unable to afford it yet). What's the hardest is I still don't trust him, if he goes out for a drink with the guys it still makes me uncomfortable, and he knows it's his fault.

amberm1010

zpanjwani:

I think that part where he got caught cheating instead of initially 'fessing up would cause me to file for divorce without hesitation.  I think there are 3 things that justifiably break up a marriage.  They are addiction, adultery, and abuse.  I would have no problem divorcing my husband on any of those grounds.  

I totally agree with this. Addiction, adultery or abuse would make me leave my marriage. Everything else I would try to work though.

aylafsu88

stephaniefine:

Deal breaker! I would never be able to trust him again.

I completely agree.  Trust is really important in a marriage.  In a situation like this once you lose, it is gone forever. 

Ucci

I would like to think that we're all human and I understand how temptation works and blah blah blah but I think that the amount of damage done to my, like, total self-image catching my significant other engaging in any sort of act reserved for only us would be too much. I'm already pretty self conscious. Even if there was a way to measure the amount of guilt and sorrow from him, to KNOW if he regretted it, I would resent him too much to be able to share myself with him still. It would be too much for me.

lewispm

Total deal breaker! 100%.

It would be one thing if your husband came to you about an affair he had. If he had totally ended it, felt guilty, and came to me with a confession and one hell of a plea for me to stay with him, then there is maybe a 5% chance I would consider it. But to catch him in bed with another woman?!?!?! He would be lucky if I didn't beat them both!

lilahbean13

That is the one and only deal breaker. Out the door jack

elizdg

jnoone:

amberm1010:

zpanjwani:

I think that part where he got caught cheating instead of initially 'fessing up would cause me to file for divorce without hesitation.  I think there are 3 things that justifiably break up a marriage.  They are addiction, adultery, and abuse.  I would have no problem divorcing my husband on any of those grounds.  

I totally agree with this. Addiction, adultery or abuse would make me leave my marriage. Everything else I would try to work though.

I have never been in this type of situation, but this is where my mind goes without much thought. 

This wasn't a one-time mistake.  I don't know much about cheating, but I highly doubt you'd bring your affair home with you, to the bed you share with your wife, who stays at home with your son... the first time.  Pig.  If there's no trust, there's no marriage.  I think counseling would help to know "why", but I don't think the relationship would be repaired.  Poor girl, what a terrible thing to go through.

Yup. See ya later, don't let the door hit you on the way out buddy.

nesenotes

At this point in my life Hell to the NO.

I have already forgiven him once waaaaaaaaay back before we were ever married. We were both really young. Heck I was still a teenager. 

With all the other crap of his I deal with, it would absolutely be the straw that broke the camel's back.

BubbaJug

After your trust has been shattered like that... No. I would walk out that day. I've been through it before and can say that without a doubt, I personally cannot come back from that. Not  to a person who showed such disregard not only for me but for our home, our families, and our child. I also refuse to ever let my actions tell my daughter or any subsequent children that it is acceptable for a partner to treat them that way.

TeacherGirl17

I think that her walking in on it in her own home would make it so much worse.

My FIL cheated on my MIL many times and they separated a few times. They're still together but their relationship was terrible when their sons were young and their relationship is still not normal. DH has some issues that we've had to work through as a couple. I think that it can be harder on the kids if you stay together.