XP: My 16 month old hits me and thinks its funny

Brit's Luna154

My 16 month old hits me. Like hard. In the face. She laughs at me and thinks it is funny when I discipline her for it. I have tried various methods that I have read about - saying "ouch!" loudly and telling her that "we don't hit" - a firm "NO" - two minute time outs. None of it works. She continues to do it and cracks up like it is the funniest thing ever.

Any ideas on how to stop this behavior?

ETA: Interestingly, she ONLY hits me. She has never hit H or her DCP. WTH?

Ms5586

I'd turn your strategies around to a more positive spin.  Instead of saying "We don't hit", try "Show mommy nice hands" and show her how to gently pat your arm or face.  You can also try setting her down and walking away - she'll put 2 and 2 together quickly - when I hit, mommy leaves.

She's probably cracking up because of the shocked reaction you might be giving her. 

Brit's Luna154

Ms5586:

I'd turn your strategies around to a more positive spin.  Instead of saying "We don't hit", try "Show mommy nice hands" and show her how to gently pat your arm or face.  You can also try setting her down and walking away - she'll put 2 and 2 together quickly - when I hit, mommy leaves.

She's probably cracking up because of the shocked reaction you might be giving her. 

The third time she hit me last night I set her down and walked away. She got really upset about it, which I guess is good in that situation. Unfortunately, I don't always have the option to do that - the first time she hit me last night was when she was in the bathtub, so I didn't have many options except for the "we don't hit" thing.

How dysfunctional does that sound that my 16 month old goes BSC hitting me more than once in more than one episode on most days? Ugh. ::hangs head in shame::

 

hoping4sticky

It is a tough age, there really isn't a lot you can do discipline wise. It seems like they know exactly what they are doing and should be disciplined, but whenever they get a bit older you realize they really were just young and didn't 'get' it. Now when my 2 yo started doing it we addressed it more seriously.

The biggest thing is to be calm, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I would calmly say that we do not hit and walk away for a minute and then come back and say in an up beat voice - we use gentle hands can you show me gentle hands, and help her demonstrate. I would also try and catch her hands before she hits you if you can and do gentle hands. It will probably take a few weeks, but she will move on to something else annoying.

Virgo17

My 19 month old just started this a couple of weeks ago.  I have tried telling him "no", "we don't hit", "that's not nice".  I have tried tapping his hand back, showing him how to be nice, putting him down and not paying any attention.  I'm sad to say that none of it seems to be working wonderfully. 

I think it really is just a phase.  My best advice would be to try not to make a big deal out of it, otherwise they think it's funny.  I'm hoping the lack of getting a rise out of me will encourage my son to stop soon because he hits hard!

hoping4sticky

Brit's Luna154:

Ms5586:

I'd turn your strategies around to a more positive spin.  Instead of saying "We don't hit", try "Show mommy nice hands" and show her how to gently pat your arm or face.  You can also try setting her down and walking away - she'll put 2 and 2 together quickly - when I hit, mommy leaves.

She's probably cracking up because of the shocked reaction you might be giving her. 

The third time she hit me last night I set her down and walked away. She got really upset about it, which I guess is good in that situation. Unfortunately, I don't always have the option to do that - the first time she hit me last night was when she was in the bathtub, so I didn't have many options except for the "we don't hit" thing.

How dysfunctional does that sound that my 16 month old goes BSC hitting me more than once in more than one episode on most days? Ugh. ::hangs head in shame::

 

I understand taking the hitting thing personal, especially when she only does it to you, because my DD when through a phase around 26 months and it drove me crazy. She was hitting me a lot, and only me. We accidentally discovered that it was a power struggle thing when we finally stopped asking her about PTing and let her take full control of PTing and magically the hitting stopped, after about a month of consistent discipline did nothing. Maybe start trying to incorporate choices? I'm sure she isn't super verbal, but have her point? Might help some.

You are not alone. Oh and the bath thing is tougher, but you can always take a step back and remove some of your attention, keep an eye on her but she knows that when she hits the fun stops.

emberlee3

Ignoring bad behavior is the best bet at this age, since any attention is a positive thing in your baby's mind. 

Even in the tub, you can back up (still watching, but not where she can reach).  Or take her out and end bath time right then if she is too wild.  

Lavish attention on her when she is being sweet.

The phase will pass.  The more worked up you get about it, the longer it will last.  

Brit's Luna154

Thank you all. You made me feel like this was normal and that I wasn't somehow creating a monster.

I'll try the ignore it and walk away (when possible) thing.

Ms5586

Brit's Luna154:

Thank you all. You made me feel like this was normal and that I wasn't somehow creating a monster.

I'll try the ignore it and walk away (when possible) thing.

You're not creating a monster!!!  I agree with the PP who said it's a part of communication, and to give choices.  That's really helped us.  And we also figured out his triggers of hitting/a meltdown - hunger, being tired, or not being able to communicate what he needs.

One of our best words that he knows is "help" (well, "hahl" for him).  As soon as I hear him start to whine when something isn't working (like his foot is stuck, or he can't pick up a toy he wants).  I ask him if he needs help, and he'll say it.  It gives him the right word so I know he needs my attention for something he thinks is important.

FemShep

emberlee3:

Ignoring bad behavior is the best bet at this age, since any attention is a positive thing in your baby's mind. 

Even in the tub, you can back up (still watching, but not where she can reach).  Or take her out and end bath time right then if she is too wild.  

Lavish attention on her when she is being sweet.

The phase will pass.  The more worked up you get about it, the longer it will last.  

Yes, this.  As another PP said, she's exploring and testing boundaries with the person she loves and trusts most in the world.  And she thinks any attention is good right now.  So when she does it again, tell her calmly that hitting is not OK, and walk away.  Minimize your reaction, and ignore her as much as you can (and as is safe, of course!) immediately following the bad behavior.

Good luck!  This too shall pass. 

itsmevkb

This is a tough age because kids know what they want to communicate but don't have the language to do so.  I think the vasty majority, however, do understand what is being said to them.  When I say to my little guy, go get your shoes, he goes and gets his shoes so he understands and I assume then that he also understands when I say "we don't hit", "we don't scream," etc.  Sixteen to eighteen months is around the time I began time-outs with all of my kids.  I have them sit on the bottom stair until they can calm themselves down as most of our issues are with tantrums - either because they don't get what they want or because they had a toy taken away for throwing or hitting or whatever and then the crying ensues.  I tell them once they are calmed down and ready to be nice they can get back up and that only takes about 30 seconds.

I think the big thing is consistency.  So, even if she's in the bath I would have pulled her out and gone and sat her on the stair or wherever the time out spot is.  If we were out somewhere I always found a place out of the way to make my kids go sit. 

As with almost everything with kids, it's a phase.  At some point there won't be any reward for her in hitting and she'll move onto something else to test her boundaries.

thedash

Around that age DS used to bite the side of my face when I was holding him! I would set him down immediately whenever possible. If there was nowhere safe to put him down I would still completely withdraw attention and even turn him so that he was facing away from me for a minute. It resolved in a few months. Every once in a while when he's really frustrated he will try to bite my leg or arm but we do more formal time out now.

azuremama

Totally normal. I was half convinced that both my kids were psychopaths at that age because they'd laugh after purposely injuring me. Unfortunately, it took longer to get rid of that behavior than I would have liked, but I think if you're consistent, she'll stop doing it sooner or later.

PayolaCrayola

Brit's Luna154:

Thank you all. You made me feel like this was normal and that I wasn't somehow creating a monster.

I'll try the ignore it and walk away (when possible) thing.

Yup my DD did this to me and it was incredibly hurtful. She would laugh too. The best thing was to ignore her because like your DD she would laugh anytime she hit me. The worst was when she grabbed my old etch-a-sketch and she came walking over to me and I thought she wanted to play and she lifted it and brought it down on top of my head. I saw stars. no joke. I just got up and left because I was crying. Luckily DH was there and he told her she hurt me and she came and cried and said sorry. That was the last time she hit me but prior to that it was months of it.