Military Families
Introducing myself & Deployment
Hi all.. I posted on here when I first found out I was pregnant.. Just found out my husband will deploy a few weeks before our baby is born. We are first time parents.. I am sure this happens all the time, but it just saddens me that he won't meet his baby until she's 6 months or so old.. has anyone gone through this?
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Re: Introducing myself & Deployment
::raises hand::
My DH left for (training out of state) when I was about 20 weeks along. I saw him for one weekend, then he was home for a week before actually deploying when I was about 30 weeks. He missed LO's birth, though he was able to come home for R&R (for two weeks) when LO was two months old. DH redeployed when LO was nine months old. It makes me sad that DH missed the birth of our only child, but we knew in advance that was likely going to happen (we found out about his deployment orders about three weeks before we started our IVF cycle).
We are now nearing the end of another deployment (yes, we all survived the first one so well that the Army sent us to Germany and put DH on another deployment three months after we moved!). While the anticipation of and actual act of delivering without DH was really, really hard, life with a newborn with a deployed husband wasn't terrible--especially compared to deployment with a three year old.
Start building/strengthening your support system now. Get to know the people around you. Offer to help out now, in the hopes that it will be reciprocated when the time comes.
If your DH will be someplace with decent Internet, get him an iPad. FaceTime has such clear pictures. Having your DD see and hear her daddy will help be recognize him when he comes home. Well, recognize might not be the right word, but he will be familiar to her. And remember, as long as she is well cared for, the only ones impacted by the deployment are you and your DH. (Which sucks, but, IMO, that's life.)
Best of luck with your pregnancy! Hang in there. It's difficult, but you'll get through it!
And Erin, best wishes!!! I hope we can both figure out ways to make pregnancy and birth good experiences. I have so much to learn!
Elle, you are my kind of woman! You are choosing to make the best of your situation, even if it sucks.
We are active participants in life, not bystanders. Sure, as military dependents, we have much less say in some factors of life and our spouses sometimes miss big life events. . . But what good does it do one to maintain a negative mood or become pessimistic? It doesn't.
Yes, it can be hard. And lonely. And overwhelming. But you are right--there are many resources available to help you. My DH is Army, so my experience has been with the Army affiliated organizations, but all branches provide similar support. Look into new parent support groups. If you are being seen by military healthcare providers, ask if there is a support group for pregnant moms with deployed spouses. The one experience that was difficult for me was the birthing class. Attending alone was hard. DH, obviously, was unable to go with me. My SIL, who was going to be my labor coach, couldn't go with me. But, I was also the only military spouse in the class (which I expected as I was not living in a military community at the time) as well as the only solo participant. I was very proud to show that we are a strong military family.
The situation will also become your normal. There was one time that I was driving home from the mall and passed a police officer who had made a traffic stop. I thought about his wife and how hard it had to be to know that her husband was facing such potential danger every day. Then I laughed out loud because I remembered that my DH was in Baghdad!
Again, yes, it will be hard. There are times that you will be mad at the military, your DH and the world. When I feel that way, I cry, stomp my feet, and feel those emotions, then do my very best to get over it. Wallowing in negative emotions serves no positive purpose.
Be kind to yourself. When I was pregnant, and until my DH came home, I took my dog to doggie daycare one or two times a week. I was not able to exercise him well enough, so doggie daycare helped him burn energy and remain well socialized. Do things for yourself that make life easier. I ordered a lot of our baby gear from AAFES.com. I'd wait for a sale or coupon code then order. They delivered right to my door--which meant that I didn't have to schlep heavier items myself.
It's difficult sometimes, especially if you are living in a military community that has a large unit deployed. You will see other wives who seemingly have everything all together. Don't compare yourself. Chances are, despite appearances, they are struggling, too. Or, they are actually are supermom and well, that will never be me!
You can do this. One day at a time.
I love your outlook on this matter.
I havent posted here before, mostly I lurk on the July board. Nice to meet you all! I'm in the same situation, DH leaves Sunday for training, back for ten days right around my due date in July then to Afghanistan for 9 months. I adore your outlook and totally agree. It may not be ideal, but we got this! I try and do nice things for others, making me happy and ultimately reminding me of how blessed I am. We are responsible for our actions and how we handle things, and we can do it!
DS2: July 12, 2013
Baby #3 EDD June 22, 2015
Thanks ladies! Sorry for the delay..we have been in the process of moving, so I haven't really gotten the time to hop on here.
Yeah, thankfully we have gone through a deployment before.. so I have some "experience." I am also trying to choose to be positive- that's what I did the last deployment and it definitely helped!! I feel like I can do the same this time. I think mostly my heart goes out to him because he's missing out on such a big thing.
Thinking of all of you!!