LONG! Quit daycare and Grandma issues

Kdoy705

Hello J12 ladies!

Well, we have had a bit of a rough few weeks here. Last Monday, we decided to pull R from daycare due to a multitude of issues that popped up AND we had a serious situation with my mom this week while she was watching her. Hoping no one else has had to go through anything similar  These situations have honestly just left me sick to my stomach with guilt/worry.

 I'll make a long story short and give you the highlights:

• R has been at her daycare since 2 months old. Since she turned 6 months and has become more active/distracted, she started only napping 10-20 minutes per day at daycare, but over 4 hours (two 2-hour naps) on the days she is home! DC is super loud and they don't have a separate nap room, or make any attempt to play white noise to drown out the general craziness of the room.

 

• R was not fed ANY bottles one day between her drop off @ 11am and her pick-up @ 5pm. She did have a pouch at Noon that day, but was definitely awake the whole time (see above post). I saw RED when I figured this out at pick-up time and addressed it immediately with all the supervisors at the DC center. They all agreed that it "wasn't acceptable", but didn't really express too much concern over the incident.

 

• R received an incident report at daycare which said she bumped her head. I get it...that happens, it does at home too. However, the report said NO blood. Well, when we got her home and inspected her closely, she not only had a FAT LIP, but a huge chunk of dried blood on the inside of her nose. WTF?!?!

We decided to pull her from DC after this series of events. We were paying almost $100 per day for them to watch her, and I didn't think the type of care we were getting was worth the cost. Oddly, I was sad to pull her even though I knew it was the right decision. I really did like a lot of the teachers, and R LOVED a lot of the little kids in the room, but I just knew it wasn't the right fit for her.

Currently, I'm in grad school and when this all happened, it was just 3 weeks off the end of the semester. I was able to organize with my MIL and my mom to watch Riley for the days I needed to go to school.

My mom watched R this week - and she did great the first 3 days watching her from 8-5 every day. Well, last night I was sleeping on the couch and she woke me up in a frenzy at 12am to tell me she had something really important to tell me.

She said "Riley got shocked this afternoon". At first, in my half-asleep stupor, I didn't comprehend what she was saying. After about 5 minutes of communication, I figured out what happened. Apparently, she was playing in the basement with my mom while she ironed. We had told my mom that the basement was NOT baby-proofed, and if she needed to be down there for any point of time, to put her in the pack 'n play in the basement living room. For some reason, she didn't drop her in the PNP, just let her roam the floor while she ironed. For context, the iron is connected to the outlet with an extension cord. Well, R picked up the cord at the exact point where the two cords meet and was shocked. She screamed and cried, but no burn marks were present.

So, my mom decided NOT to tell me. This happened at about 4pm in the afternoon, and after the guilt ate her up and she did some Dr. Googling about the possible side effects of a 120volt electric shock in an infant, she panicked and woke me up to tell me at 12am.

As soon as I could make sense of what happened, I called our pediatrician's 24-hour nurse line and they said as long as she had no burn marks and wasn't crying/irritable, that she wouldn't need to be seen. However, they did say, that if she grabbed the cord with both hands, the current could have gone across her heart and caused serious damage. I woke my husband up to fill him in on what was going on. Basically, we have both been sick to our stomachs with worry today. I have previously REALLY trusted my mom with my daughter, and this all came as a surprise to me. I wouldn't have ever guessed she could have with-held this type of information. We really feel betrayed by what happened and have lost confidence and trust in my mom.

So, if you made it this far.....GOLD MEDAL!!! Thank you! Please give me your thoughts. Am I over-reacting in the daycare OR grandma situation??????? I really thought I was doing the right thing by pulling her from daycare to stay with grandma for the week....

Luckily, I have the summer off - I'm in grad school and just doing online classes this summer, so I can watch her until we start her at a new daycare this fall. I know that daycare is never going to be perfect and stuff is going to happen, but this has been particularly hard for me to deal with -

Again, thanks for reading through this and any thoughts or words of encouragement you might have!

 

 

 

reinedecajun

I'm glad you pulled her out of daycare, I just don't understand these centers forgetting to feed kids. I mean that's like 25% of their job, feed, change, nap and love/play with the baby.

As for the grandma obviously she feels guilty and horrible about what happened. I would just talk to her about letting you know when accidents happen and not waiting so long to say something. Im sure your baby girl is fine but just in case take her in and get her checked out.

When my oldest was two he found a old keychain at his grandma's and it had maybe two or three keys on it. We were sitting in my mother in law's living room and he comes running into the room with a bag full of toys and those keys. He ran straight to a electric outlet and before anyone could get to him he says "bye mommy im going to california" and stuck the key in the outlet. He jumped about 4 feet and screamed! He didn't get burned and he was fine but I got to tell you I felt like the biggest piece of $hit known to man. 

All to often these things happen even when were right there with them.  

Reilly626

Accidents do happen. But your mom was really careless but its your mom. Hopefully now she won't be so careless. A hundred dollar a day daycare should be feeding your daughter. Find a better one for fall.

BubbaJug

Ugh! The worst!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with making these kinds of decisions.  I absolutely think that you did the right thing by pulling her out of DC...Not feeding a child is something that I don't understand, and I would expect any one that I am paying to provide care for my child to have the same mindset. 

As far as your Mom goes, accidents do happen, yes, that's true. But with-holding information or lying by omission is something that I cannot and would not tolerate when it came to the well being of my child. I couldn't let her watch her alone again for a long time...the worrying about DD and wondering if Mom was being honest about the days events would eat me up. However, if you aren't crazy like me... Give Mom a 2nd chance.

Talk with your H about what you both feel is the right course of action... These mommy decisions are so hard. 

Pandril19

I agree with the general trend of the PPs.   Pulling out of daycare is fine if you feel it's better.  That's a lot of $ to be spending to not get the care you want.

I completely understand being upset with your mom and feeling betrayed.  I think should tell your mom how you feel and then do your best to let go.  Judging by your mom's behavior since, she does truly feel bad and I doubt would make such a similar judgement in error again.   Re-iterate your house rules and make it clear what incidents you want to be informed about.   (I wouldn't want to know about every stumble and fall, but if there's blood, electricity, loss of consciousness etc involved then I'd want to be informed.)   

aylafsu88

You did the right thing with DC.  It is unacceptable to not feed an infant all day long.  A food pouch is not a meal as food under 1 is just for fun.  I would be livid that the director was so nonchalant about the whole situation.  Pulling R was the best thing to do especially since you cannot trust them to care for her.  As for your mom, give her some slack.  We all make mistakes and your mom has the best of intentions.  I know that you told her the basement was not baby proofed so she should have used the PNP.  Accidents do happen and she in no way meant for R to get shocked.   I would talk to her and tell her that you are upset she did not tell you right away.  That is the big issue as you need to know when something like this happens. 

ashleynaka

First and foremost, shame on your mom for not telling you.  That would have made me lose all trust right there.  I would have pulled her from DC too and not thought twice about it.  Shame on them for not following standard rules for running a legal DC.

I am sorry that this happened to you guys and hope that you can find a solution before you have to go back again, but I know how difficult it is.  Maybe you can hire someone you can trust to watch her at home?  Maybe if you make it VERY clear to your mom how you want her watched, you can still use her because I feel that family is always best.  People make mistakes, but shouldn't hide them from you.  Just make this clear and hopefully it will work out. 

Kdoy705

jnoone:

Oh my goodness, I'm SO SORRY!  That shocking part sounds horrifying!  Does your mom know for sure Riley didn't grab it with both hands?  I'd probably take LO in tomorrow just to have everything checked out.  She's probably fine, but I would just feel better once I knew for certain.  I was shocked when I was 8, and it was really scary and it hurt- I don't know how it would feel for a little baby!

I would be very upset with my mom, particularly about waiting to tell me.  If I were you, I would give it some time, and then let her try again. You can bet she feels absolutely terrible, and regrets everything about it, including not telling you.  If you have someone else who can watch her, explain how hurt you feel to your mom, and that this other person will be watching the baby for a little while you work through what happened. 

As for daycare, if it's not a good fit for you, it's time to move on.  What is with daycares forgetting to feed babies lately?  If it's too much to keep track of, you clearly have too many children in your daycare!  Set a responsible limit of children, and don't accept any more!  (This is me shouting and shaking my fist at your daycare, not you Kdoy.)  $100 a day is way too much for half-asssed care and terrible naps.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time lately, and I hope everything is ok with your baby girl!  Hugs!

Thank you!! Good point on being SURE if she grabbed the cord with 1 hand or 2. I really don't think we know. Getting her checked out is the best route. Appreciate your support.

Kdoy705

BubbaJug:

Ugh! The worst!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with making these kinds of decisions.  I absolutely think that you did the right thing by pulling her out of DC...Not feeding a child is something that I don't understand, and I would expect any one that I am paying to provide care for my child to have the same mindset. 

As far as your Mom goes, accidents do happen, yes, that's true. But with-holding information or lying by omission is something that I cannot and would not tolerate when it came to the well being of my child. I couldn't let her watch her alone again for a long time...the worrying about DD and wondering if Mom was being honest about the days events would eat me up. However, if you aren't crazy like me... Give Mom a 2nd chance.

Talk with your H about what you both feel is the right course of action... These mommy decisions are so hard. 

Well, I think I am crazy!!! Ha - but seriously, my H is really mad. I think as time passes and life goes on, we will calm down. And I think we are a tad overprotective since this is our first baby....

Kdoy705

nellrose:

The daycare thing seems justified. You pay these people to care for your child..and key points of infant care are sleeping and eating. So, fail on their part, I'd pull my LO too. For your mom, I think "completely betrayed and lost all confidence and trust" is a little extreme. Its not like she got drunk and sat on the patio while the accident happened. I understand the worry and the anger when your tiny little baby gets hurt, I do. But A] It's your mom. If you've never known her to be neglectful or careless, chances are it was a legitimate accident, and she obviously feels terrible. B] She probably didn't tell you immediately because admitting a mistake to someone who trusts you completely is HARD. Especially when you're afraid that mistake had serious repercussions and that you have let down or lost face with the person who trusts you. I highly doubt that she chose not tell you out of nonchalant carelessness, it was probably a self preservation choice in hopes she'd live up to the caregiver you'd want her to be, especially seeing the situation you just came out of with DC. We all make poor judgement calls with the best intentions. I don't think you should write her off completely. Long story short, R is ok, and I sure am relieved for you, and your mom is probably going to watch her like a hawk next time she's in her care. Watch R, get her checked out, and for sure remind your mom about the basement, but sometimes when you have to adopt "alls well that ends well", and let it go.

Thanks for encouraging me to think a bit differently about the situation. I appreciate it Yesterday was a tough day, and not surprisingly, I am feeling more back-to-normal today after having some time to calm down.  I did talk to my mom a few times on the phone today, and we FaceTimed so she could see R - so agree, it will be good to get this one behind us. I think she feels bad enough and got the message....

Kdoy705

Thank you SO much to everyone who took the time to read my long post and respond. I haven't posted much here about issues I've had with Riley, but I was so upset yesterday about the chain of events that I really needed the support and perspective of other moms. It helped A LOT to read your comments - and importantly, it helped me back off / calm down a bit. Appreciate you all reading my post and providing your thoughts!! You ladies are the best!