DH vent... NBR for now

megpeg

DH started working out almost every weeknight for the last month. I am proud of him but it is taking a toll on me. He has lost 50 pounds since the first of the year which is awesome and I am excited for him. The problem is that he is kind of obsessive about things and it worries me. When I had DS DH had a video game obsession that we almost divorced over and he hardly remembers anything about that time. That lasted until DS was almost a year old. At that time he was in chiropractic school too so we hardly spent anytime with him. I don't think he fully realizes how much this baby is going to change things. We bought a new house last year and have that to take of, a four year old, a 9 month old husky puppy that he had to have but never walks and I can't because she is too strong, I work an hour away, and there is going to be a baby very soon. I told him he needs to workout at home- walk the dog, take DS for bike rides, and do stuff with them in general but he doesn't get it. I hope that when she gets here he will figure things out but he didn't last time. Vent over- sorry I just needed to get that out.

JuberP

I can somewhat relate. My DH will also get overly focused on something else to escape the real world. Often it is work, and he'll sequester himself off every night. It has been working out before, too.

I don't have much advice other than to point out what he is doing and tell him that you need him to participate and also do XYZ... like it sounds like you already have done.

Good luck!

jayro10

I don't really have any advice, but my brother is the same way. He started losing weight a little over a year ago, which he desperately needed to do, but he still totally has his blinders on. I feel bad for my SIL and nieces. He will come home from work and immediately go to the gym for two hours, then get home and be too tired to do anything but take a shower and go to bed. The other day, he went for a 40 mile bike ride while his wife and kids stayed home. Our parents tell him the same things you said. Go in the yard and chase the kids around, take them to the park, play kickball, go on a family bike ride instead of solo, no need to pay for a gym membership if you do active things as a family. He just doesn't get it. It's frustrating to see, and I'm just an outsider. Sorry you have to deal with it firsthand. I hope something clicks with your husband and that he will get it!

MmW36

I completely understand why you would be worried. When someone is obsessive like that, not only do they seem to lose sight of what's going on around them, they honestly have no idea that they are alienating those close to them. The video game addiction is a tough one to deal with. I had issues with this when I first started dating my husband. He thinks that just because we are in the same room/building that we are spending time together, so he doesn't understand the problem. 

It's great that your husband wants to get into better shape, but there are absolutely things that a father and husband can do that would also include the family. That doesn't mean he has to give up his other work-outs entirely, but the things you listed would be great for more cardio focused days. And when your new LO is a little older, family hikes and things like that could be a lot of fun. 

Sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck.  

BeckyTheEngineer

I'm going to disagree with some of the others. Riding bikes with preschoolers and walking the dog is not the same thing as working out for yourself in a gym. At all. Yes, it is great to do these things, but having fitness goals is important too for physical and mental health.

But, there is too much of a good thing. Instead of telling your husband that you don't want him to work out or anything like that, try telling him what you DO want him to do. Do you want to have dinner as a family 5 nights a week? Do you want help doing bedtime? Do you want to chat with your husband after the kids go to bed? It might be more productive to figure out what you specifically want and ask for that.

megpeg

BeckyTheEngineer:

I'm going to disagree with some of the others. Riding bikes with preschoolers and walking the dog is not the same thing as working out for yourself in a gym. At all. Yes, it is great to do these things, but having fitness goals is important too for physical and mental health. But, there is too much of a good thing. Instead of telling your husband that you don't want him to work out or anything like that, try telling him what you DO want him to do. Do you want to have dinner as a family 5 nights a week? Do you want help doing bedtime? Do you want to chat with your husband after the kids go to bed? It might be more productive to figure out what you specifically want and ask for that.

this is what I decided to do tonight. I was letting him have his workout time plus time to himself when he got home. I decided that his workout time is his time to himself. I asked him to skip his workout tomorrow to take DS on a bike ride. I do like to eat dinner as a family which is hard when he doesn't get home until 8 so I asked that he not workout if he would get home until after 7:30. I told him DS and I had weeded flower beds and cleaned them today and that after dinner he needed to go clean up the branches and weeds.