Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Pretending to be ok

Anyone else find themselves pretending to others like everything's ok? Since we didn't discover my MMC until 12 weeks, we had already told quite a few people about the pregnancy and when I see them now I find myself saying that I'm okay and we can always try again. But I so feel the opposite right now!

Thankfully I can be honest with my husband and a few close friends but with everyone else I'm feeling this need to put up a strong and fake front.

Re: Pretending to be ok

  • Yes! It's like you are reading my mind.  I have been totally fake with everyone about how I'm feeling. Only my husband really knows because he is stuck listening to me deal with it everyday.  We also told  our whole family because we thought we were OK at 12 weeks and then found out I had miscarried weeks before that.  It's my first pregnancy so I don't know how to handle it and feel as though it is perfectly OK to be fake about the way I'm feeling since most of the people I told never experienced a miscarriage and can't do or say anything to make me feel better anyway.  
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


  • I did for a while and it was so draining that I finally started telling the truth. Sometimes it helps.

    mean_girls_35345Image and video hosting by TinyPic         PAL Sep challenge George Takei image
    Started dating in 5/9/05, Married 6/25/11
    Started TTC Feb 2013, BFP #1 3/4/13 EDD 11/10/13. MMC 4/9/13 D&C 4/22/13.
    BFP #2 7/17/13, EDD 3/29/14 ended in a CP on 7/22/13.
    BFP#3 8/19/13 EDD 5/3/14 Nerdling was born 4/29/14, welcome little one!
     All AL welcome.

    image   Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • we didn't tell anyone so I'm not exactly in your boat...

    But everyone one of my friends had a miscarriage at some point...and all of them talked about it openly. None of us feel the need to pretend or hide or pain...and while I haven't shared, the fact that they all have really helped me in my healing process tremendously...

    So I am encouraging you to be genuine, not with everyone perhaps...but doing so will help you (catharsis)...and maybe at one point in their life...help them

  • With my first loss I hid my feelings, my pg and my loss from everyone, but now that I have suffered 2 losses in 4 months I am honest with anyone asking what's going on. I haven't hid my feelings and I come right out and tell people we had 2 losses if they ask if we're TTC. You have to do what is right for you

    Edited of losses. Hit the wrong key!

    BFP #1 11/19/12  EDD: 7/25/13  Natural MC on 12/31/12 at 10w4d

    BFP#2 3/1/13   EDD: 11/5/13   Missed MC 4/9/13 at 10w   D&C 4/11/13  
    Baby #2 diagnosed with Trisomy 16. Diagnosed Hetero MTHFR.

    BFP#3 8/5/13   EDD: 4/13/14   Team Green Turned Team Blue! Our rainbow baby, Griffin R arrived via c-section (breech since 20w) on 4/11/14. 



    ~~Everyone Always Welcome~~

  • I have also been pretending. I think its normal. I work at children's hospital so I really have to be nice and cheerful all day. Poor DH gets the brunt of my feelings as soon as I get home. 
  • I hear ya! I'm definitely not ok, but I would rather fake it through the day with people other than DH than end up bawling in the ladies room everytime someone asks about our little girl. It is so exhausting having to smile and act happy around others.
  • I just answer with fine usually when asked how I am doing.

    I was being honest at first but now I don't feel.like getting into my feelings. I think its pointless. Man, this has to get better right? Honestly, I am not sure it will this time...
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers November 22, 2012: Went into ER with spotting to discover my babies had stopped developing at 10 wks 4 days and 11 wks 3 days. Their hearts no longer beat. EDD:05/27/2013 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers April 22, 2013: Found out I was miscarrying May 3, 2013:Saw baby in Utero and in tubes diagnosed with Heterotopic pregnancy May 7, 2013: Taken into surgery for tubal pregnancy baby and right tube was removed Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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