October 2012 Moms
AJKayakMomma
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Another Will question
AJKayakMomma
member
How did you decide who would be your child's guardian?
We haven't made a Will yet basically because I have no clue who to pick. I'd like to pick my parents but DH doesn't agree. My dad is also going through alot of health problems. The doctors basically call his heart a ticking time bomb. My mom could not take care of my children and my disabled sister alone. I wouldn't want to leave her with my ILs or SIL because I'd like my children to be raised how I would raise them. I don't agree at all with their lifestyles or parenting. Currently I don't have any friends suitable either.
So if you don't have anyone you really want as a gaurdian are you waiting? Or are you just biting the bullet and naming someone 2nd best?
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Re: Another Will question
It should be someone who has your similar values. They should be financially stable and physically and emotionally able to raise your minor children. That's my criteria, anyway!
We have been thinking either a friend of ours or DH's sister. I think we will go with DH's sister simply because she is family, and we know she would be a good choice.
I think OP is saying she doesn't have someone who fits these criteria. We certainly struggled to choose someone for the same reason - yes, we'd love someone who has all of these, but we just don't have a person like that in our lives.
A friend of mine said that as her parents, we are our first choice for bringing up our daughter. But if that choice isn't available (ie in the case of our deaths) who would make a good second choice? Thinking of it that way helped us to be okay with choosing someone that isn't *perfect* but who would do under those circumstances.
As I said in the previous thread, we have gone with my folks. They are not ideal because of their age, which is why we are revisiting it in 5 years. Hopefully by then we would have made more friends! But they are our best option, and they would do their best for LO if necessary.
We haven't decided yet which is why we don't have a will. It's a pretty big stresser for us.
My folks- pro- married, financially stable, 5 minutes down street. Con- already 60 yrs old, and have verbally admitted casually one day 'we couldn't do a full time thing, hopefully you have someone younger in mind'.
His folks- pro, married, financially stable, 10 years younger than my folks. Con- we don't love the way they are 'raising' dh's niece. Nothing wrong with it, just not our style. Live next town over so would have to uproot school wise.
And honestly, there's no good reason to rule out either of our parents, so we kinda agreed to just not use either.
I don'thave any siblings. He has a brother. Pro- married, financially stable. Con- does live a town away so would have to uproot school wise, we don't love the way they parent, and they already said they only had one kid for a reason, they didn't want anymore. (not in talking about our will, just in talking in general).
DH's friends are ALL single guys.
I have a good friend who we completely mesh on our parenting styles, wouldn't mind at all if my kid/s had to be raised by her. However, they are currently living with her brother because she's not working, and is having a hard time finding work.
And my other bff,she just got married, doesn't have kids of her own yet. Wants them, but I don't know if I could just be like oh hey by the way, you have to raise mine in case I die before you even get to start your own family.
UGH. Is just planning on not dying a good plan??!?!?
Our family is all out based on various reasons so we are going with a friend of mine from college. Unfortunately she lives far away but she is a wonderful person who would do a good job. My husband and I both have life insurance so that helps by not having it be a financial burden if my friend has to take our daughter.
We have decided to revisit this decision in the future. You can always change your trust or will if a better option comes up.