Blended Families

How do we balance this?

SS has started T-ball. The have two practices a week for a month, and then two games a week for a month. It's an hour and a half round trip for us from our house, but we meet DH at his work so we only have to take one car instead of two. This makes it more like an hour each way. Most of the parents hang out and watch pratice just like games. We all went last night, but going for an hour long practice means we don't get DD and DS to bed until at least 9:30, their bedtime is 8. DS was so off last night being out of his rountine that I didn't get him to sleep until 11:30. I work at 6 am.

I know it's only for two months, but what is the best balance for this? I think it'd going to end up only DH going to most of the practices, but I don't want to miss the games. I feel like a bad parent getting the two home and in bed so late, especially since it will be semi regular for a short time, but I feel like a bad parent for not being there. WWYD?

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Re: How do we balance this?

  • In no way should you feel obligated to attend all the practices. I think you going home with the younger kids is the best idea. There is no way we could attend all my SKs practices when they were in sports and neither could BM. We did help out with getting them to/from practices if they overlapped, ect.

    Go to the games but the practices, I would not worry about.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • Last summer DS swam for a team. The meets were 2x/week for 6 weeks and ran from like 4:30-9:30pm. 

    What worked okay for us was all of us going and taking two cars. DD and I would leave by 6:30ish so I could get her home, fed, and in bed by 8. DH would stay with DS.

     

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  • imagegin9874:

    In no way should you feel obligated to attend all the practices. I think you going home with the younger kids is the best idea. There is no way we could attend all my SKs practices when they were in sports and neither could BM. We did help out with getting them to/from practices if they overlapped, ect.

    Go to the games but the practices, I would not worry about.

     

    I agree with this. As long as one parent is at the practice it's really not a big deal. The games are more important to attend IMO. Keeping the younger LO's on their schedule is critical.

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  • I wouldn't think missing the practices would be a bad thing.  As long as one of the parents are there.  Or if you really feel bad, maybe cut it back to just going to one practice each week?

     

  • Go for games. But tell SS that you cannot make practices but will make games. Maybe surprise him once. When he is grown he will remember you were at games and no one cares about practices.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Agree that it's less important for you to be there for all the practices.  The child therapist that we see with regards to SS specifically said that for boys it's their dad that they want at their practices/games.  If YH can make it to most of the practices, I think SS would understand that you can't with the two small kids and work so early.  Agree that maybe you could go on occasion, but try and be sure to be there for the games.  
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  • imageemikat:
    Agree that it's less important for you to be there for all the practices. nbsp;The child therapist that we see with regards to SS specifically said that for boys it's their dad that they want at their practices/games. nbsp;If YH can make it to most of the practices, I think SS would understand that you can't with the two small kids and work so early. nbsp;Agree that maybe you could go on occasion, but try and be sure to be there for the games. nbsp;


    I disagree with the 'dad is the one boys want there' stance. DS recently did basketball and his Dad helped coach so he was obviously at all practices. There were no real games as this was first year for kindergarten/first graders. I figured I would just let DS and his dad have this thing for guy bonding and didn't attend the first two practices. DS was pretty heartbroken when I didn't show up at the second practice because he knew I wasn't working late that day and felt like I just decided I didn't want to watch him play.

    I obviously had no idea he would be that bothered about me not coming, and I made sure I went to the rest of the practices.

    Op, I don't think you need to go to every practice and game. Especially if it is affecting the other children's schedule. I do think it is important to try to make it as often as is plausible for your family though. I'm sure it makes your SC feel good to see siblings/parents/step parents rooting for them whenever possible.
  • Unfortunately, I have no advice. SD played softball last year, and it made dinner and bedtime super late. We.all went to all of her practices except when DS was sick, and once a week I would be the only one bringing her to practice because DH was in class. So no advice. I never found anything that worked. We just slogged through it.

    And sorry to hijack your post, but... This past falland and this spring SD is not playing any sports because of DH and me BOTH being in school. It was just too hard to thing about swinging. It makes me feel bad. But does it really seem that bad to everyone else? It makes us both feel like we are putting ourselves in front if SD.
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  • I honestly don't think you need to attend practices. I know my two would be a mess. That's a lot for little ones. AND you. Especially that you work. I think going to games and supporting SS that way is awesome and more important than practice. If it were me I don't think I would be going to practices.
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  • Thanks ladies! DH talked about going to practices before they started and I didn't really think it was necessary. We didn't go to the first one last week, then when I picked SS up last Friday he asked why we weren't there and seemed a little upset. DH is going to go by himself tonight to practice. I guess we'll just get through it the month or so of games. I just hate feeling like a bad parent no matter what I do, you know?
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  • SigirSigir member
    Cut yourself a break [I know it's hard though bc I never cut myself one!]. In this case it's ok to divide and conquer. Sometimes I have to ask myself, "if these kids were all from my dh, and we were an 'intact' family, would I be doing this? Or am I overcompensating because this child is in a 'blended' family and I feel guilty?".

    Many time when I take a step back and look at a situation I am overcompensating and putting myself or my other kids though stress needlessly. In your case, as long as your dh is at the practices your Ss should be fine... Tend to the other two w no guilt!
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