Pregnant after a Loss

Tricky family situation, need advice please

Hi Ladies, I've lurked on this board for a few weeks now, and hope you can give me some advice.  Our history: my DH and I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in Nov 2012 with our first pregnancy.  We are now pregnant again, I'm about 9 weeks, EDD 11/28/2013.

DH and I spent Easter with his side of the family, and at our family dinner DH's cousin J and his wife C told everyone they were pregnant with their second child.  Everyone asks when they are due, and they said they just found out about the pregnancy, but they think sometime around Thanksgiving.  Now, at this point DH and I know we are pregnant too, and due at the exact same time, but have decided not to tell our parents until after our first ultrasound at around 6.5 weeks, and not tell extended family and friends until after the first trimester.  So we keep our mouths shut, but think how fun it will be to have 2 little ones in the family that are basically the same age.

Fast forward to this past Sunday: we've had our ultrasound a couple weeks ago and both sets of parents/sibilings know about the baby, but not anyone else in the family.  My MIL calls me to tell me that J and C went in for their first ultrasound this past week and found out they have a blighted ovum.  They are waiting to see if C will miscarry naturally or if she will need a D&C.

Now my dilemma, DH and I would like to reach out to J and C, and offer our support and be there if they need to talk or have any questions.  I want her to know she isn't alone and that we've been through a similar situation.  But they don't know that we are pregnant again, and I'm not sure right now is the time to tell them(especially b/c we would have been due at the same time).  I want to reach out to them, but don't want to feel like I'm keeping something from them. I worry that they may feel hurt later on when they find out we are pregnant but didn't tell them.

What would you do in this situation?  Reach out but not tell them about our pregnancy until later?  Just leave them be?  Sorry for the novel, thanks in advance!!

B&D 09/06/09 image image

Re: Tricky family situation, need advice please

  • Maybe in this case you could send a card. Tell them how sorry you are for their loss, that they aren't alone and that you are both there if they want to talk. 

    Later, tell them your news before you tell any other extended family. 

    TTC #1 since January 2011
    BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
    BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
    After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
    Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!! 
    BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
    imageimage  My chart.


    Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
  • I would send a card and leave it up to them to contact you for support if they want to. As for announcing to them I have no idea what I would do so I can't really give any advice on that, sorry.
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  • imagehungryhippo:
    Maybe in this case you could send a card. Tell them how sorry you are for their loss, that they aren't alone and that you are both there if they want to talk.nbsp;Later, tell them your news before you tell any other extended family.nbsp;

    I agree.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BabyFetus Ticker
  • Thanks everyone.  I was thinking a card might be the way to go, but hearing it from others makes me feel better.  That way they know we are there if they need us and can contact us if they want.  Thanks again!
    B&D 09/06/09 image image
  • imagehungryhippo:
    Maybe in this case you could send a card. Tell them how sorry you are for their loss, that they aren't alone and that you are both there if they want to talk.nbsp;Later, tell them your news before you tell any other extended family.nbsp;

    This. Do NOT tell them now. You have a month until 2nd tri. I had a friend in the same sentence say " I'm sorry for your loss. I'm pregnant". That stung.




    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I know everyone is different and copes differently, but I was relieved when I heard of others who mc their first pregnancy and went through what I was going thru. Many of these women had successful pregnancies after that. I agree that I would wait to announce that you are pg, but I would send her a card and let her know you've been there.
  • Thanks so much everyone for your responses.  I will definitely wait to tell them about our pregnancy, and will send a card.  That was they can reach out to us if they want/need to.  I know I would feel a little sensitive if the situation were reversed, so I'll make sure to give them their space and not take it personally.
    B&D 09/06/09 image image
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