Can I renege on a "No, thank you"?

ktbear9512

Hello Ladies, would like some etiquette input.  My aunt and cousin are throwing me a shower, and Aunt wanted it to be large because she is holding it in a large venue, so I included 15-20 close people from church when I gave her my guest list.  The date was decided months ago, but invitations haven't been sent out yet.

A couple weeks ago, a friend from church offered to host a small shower of church ladies for me.  I thanked her very much for offering, and explained that church people will already on a list and said no thank you.  She was very gracious, and said to have my aunt let her know if she can help in any way.

Today, I realize that the church picnic is the same day and time as my aunt's shower.   I called my cousin and told her to hold off on mailing the invitations to the group of church friends until I figure out what to do.  I don't want to ask them to decide between the picnic and my shower, and I don't want them to feel as though I should send a gift if they decide not to come.

Would it be ok to call back church friend and ask if she would still be willing to host a shower for that small group?  I would normally NEVER ask someone to host a shower for me, but she did already offer so I don't know if that changes things.  Is there a better solution that I'm not thinking of? 

ktbear9512

MrsMuq:

Is it that you want the church ladies included in your festivities, or you're concerned about a smaller turnout at the party your aunt is hosting? 

Kind of both, but my aunt said she would be fine with whatever I decide to do.  I really did want to include them- or at least the half of them that I regularly hang out with outside of church.  The other half are all like second mothers to me and I would love them to be included too.  I just wish the two were on different days. 

cinderin

Is the shower at the same time as the picnic or can they do one then the other?

ktbear9512

The shower and the picnic are at the same time.  The shower can't be moved because the venue does multiple reservations on the same day and they set the times.  

ktbear9512

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know it's a tough situation and I know I shouldn't ask for a shower. I don't think I'll have my cousin send the invites. Maybe I'll tell church friend what happened and she'll reoffer, and if not, that's ok too.

msmerymac

IF your friend talks about it again, I would mention how sad you are because it seems that your shower is scheduled on the same day as the picnic. Maybe ask her if she thinks you should still invite people from church. She may just offer to do a small church shower at a different time.