Shower questions

abalhawk2009

I am due the first week of August and dh has a cousin due first week of September. Last night I got a call from SIL who is throwing my shower that she talked with MIL, grandma, and cousin's mom DH aunt and they decided that because we are due so close together that we are going to have one big shower together over Fourth of July weekend. Maybe it's just my hormones but I'm a little upset about this because I wasn't even asked if this was okay. My side of the family or friends are not being invited because its just DH side of the family. My mom and sister can't even attend because they will be at a horse show halfway across the country my family is very involved with horses and when my SIL said she was throwing my shower it took a lot of pressure off my mom because summertime is very busy. Sorry so long but I needed to vent. I kind of dont even want a shower now but trying to let it absorb for a few days so I don't do anything i might regret. Does this make me sound selfish and bratty?

HisChamaoleGirl

While I would be upset at the idea of sharing my first baby shower with a relative I'd be more concerned with it being on a holiday weekend. Will guests be ok with their holiday weekends being determined for them?

AbbySueP626

I don't think you're being unreasonable in wanting your own shower. If they are not willing to split them and are making a huge deal then I would deal with it and maybe when the time isn't so busy for your family then they could throw you your own shower or welcome to the world party kind of thing.

VTFutureMrs

You could always let them throw you a joint shower with his side of the family and your mom and sister could throw you a smaller one with your side of the family and your friends. I think I ended up having 3 separate shower with my first because they were in different towns and thrown by different groups of people. I actually thought it was better because we weren't combining everyone into one shower where people didn't know one another. 

topofthepeek

If I was a guest to this shower, I might be a little upset also. I mean for one its on a holiday weekend. And for two, if you two are a month a part, I would expect 2 separate showers, Then that would at least give me time to save and buy two nice presents. Craming it into one, might make it difficult on a guests budget. It might also be hard having a shared shower, being its not your imediate family and friends. It would suck to see her with a TON more presents. Or if it was the other way around for her.

tpatruno006

I'm sorry but this would completely bother me.  The holiday weekend is the first problem.  Most people already have plans for that weekend way in advance.  Second off I would be hurt if a few people I knew where there and that all of her family and friends were present.  It would make me feel like I didn't matter (call this selfish if you want but we all know no one would feel good in that situation). 

  I also feel that if you and the other mommy-to-be are close and you are both comfortable with it than go for it.  Just make a point to talk to your mom and sister about how you feel and that you are sad they won't be there.  That you hope to do something with them, your family, and friends.  

 Just be open and graceful.   It should all work out.  If you go into it with a negative view it will just be bad.

leahaustin

I would definitely be upset. First of all, since the same people are going to both showers you are both likely to get less because people are going to 'feel it' more with them both on the same day. Secondly, this is your one and only shower and they know that! It is supposed to be special for you not for you and your cousin. Thirdly, having the shower over fourth of July weekend seems like a really bad idea. A lot of people go out of town or camping. How many people are not going to be able to make it because of the date?

PrimRoseMama

If it upsets you so bad then decline sharing the shower. You can do that. However, that means if you decline and no one else offers then you might not get a shower. Have your folks offered?

For the record, it wouldn't bother me to share a shower. I might be concerned that it is an inconvenience to my guest for two reasons: a] it's a holiday weekend. Your turn out may suffer because guests may already have plans and b] they might feel compelled to bring two gifts and that is not always feasible.

So, in the interest of my guest I might decline. I would not decline because I want to be the center of attention. Some might, but that doesn't bother me.

On the other hand, it is a nice gesture and I might feel bad turning down someone's offer to gift me a shower. In the end, I think I would decline though.

MzCurnett8886

Does DH's family normally get together over the 4th? Would this be just another event in a normally family packed weekend or something new? That would bother me as a guest if it were something new.

Has anyone from your side even offered to throw one? It sounds like originally this was just for you and your family and friends were invited but aren't now, which would bug me as your family.

If it makes you feel that bad or cause issues with your family, you can always decline. Be ready to not have one if no one else offers.

rab2006

Depending on the family dynamic on Dh's side, I can appreciate being disappointed. I for one am not a person who likesthe spotlight; however, to be married into the family and share a shower with a cousin of DH could be hard. I would be disappointed if there were favoritism shown of any kind - whether it were guest gifts or just general attention. For your SIL to do a joint shower (while convenient for her) may be stressful to make sure it's even for both.

 As a guest going to a joint shower, I would be annoyed to have to buy two shower gifts at once. Even with a budget, it all adds up.

foodwatersleep

topofthepeek:

If I was a guest to this shower, I might be a little upset also. I mean for one its on a holiday weekend. And for two, if you two are a month a part, I would expect 2 separate showers, Then that would at least give me time to save and buy two nice presents. Craming it into one, might make it difficult on a guests budget. It might also be hard having a shared shower, being its not your imediate family and friends. It would suck to see her with a TON more presents. Or if it was the other way around for her.

This. I'd be annoyed at the host, seems inconsiderate for guests AND the celebrants, it only seems convenient for the host.