Blended Families
ambrvan
member
Just an ordinary terrible day VENT
ambrvan
member
DS has been having one of his worse days of the Terrible Threes today. Tantrum after tantrum after tantrum! And the new I didn't do it, Sissy did it phase. Argh!
SD cannot speak unless she is being a smart alec. You say, put your shoes up please, she snaps back with an attitude that makes you want to knock her into next week that everybody else's shoes are in here, but everyone else is ALSO putting up their shoes at this time. It is a never ending battle for the last word! She would argue that the sky is green instead of blue. The eye rolling, the smarting off, the pouting... I don't know how much I can take! SD has hit this tween behavior waaay too early. She will be 7 next week, and she is already acting like some of my friends' 9 and 10yo's. Really?
Things have been going great between DH and I, and MIL and I have gone out of our way to stay on the same page. But sometimes she still just... URGH! She still is just so intrusive. Just because she sees us driving up town does NOT mean she needs to call us or, worse, show up where we are and join us. What if we want an outing alone as a family? But forget that. Marrying into this family means marrying the ENTIRE family.
So as of this afternoon, the kids have driven me to my breaking point. DH tells me his grandmother is making dinner for everyone, but I ask him to drop me off alone at home so I can cry and just have some time to regroup. I was not planning on this and told him I really was not in a mood to be around a bunch of people and would probably end up in a fight with someone if I went. So I was home alone, cooking dinner for myself, watching a movie, cuddling with my furbabies. Really enjoying my time. And DH calls and says dinner is ready. I tell him I would rather just stay home. But he says everyone is expecting me and cooked a medium rare steak just for me, so I wrap up my food I just cooked and head over there instead.
I ended up having a good time. Until DS had a meltdown. He had already been in trouble multiple times, and this one just took the cake. I was honestly embarrassed. So I brought him home.
DS calms down, falls asleep in my lap, DH comes home, SD ends up staying to spend the night with MIL. I know, though, that if DS had not had to come home that she would not have offered to keep either of the kids or would have whispered in DH's ear asking to keep SD and not DS. With his attitude lately, no one wants to keep him. But they don't even see SD's attitude.
So the night was turning out peacefully, and I was looking forward to spending the evening with DH.
Wrong again. Lots of rain and flash flooding since yesterday have made many roadways unsafe. DH was just getting ready to go on flood duty with the Rescue Squad when he got called out for an accident involving a car going off the road into the water with the occupants still inside. Don't get me wrong. I love that my husband volunteers his time to help others, but sometimes it gets intrusive, too. Not to mention the fact that it is volunteer means that we spend money on it, gas and whatnot, and we are not in a position to do that right now.
So now I am home alone wallowing in lonely self pity. Ugh. Rant over. Let's make tomorrow better.
SD cannot speak unless she is being a smart alec. You say, put your shoes up please, she snaps back with an attitude that makes you want to knock her into next week that everybody else's shoes are in here, but everyone else is ALSO putting up their shoes at this time. It is a never ending battle for the last word! She would argue that the sky is green instead of blue. The eye rolling, the smarting off, the pouting... I don't know how much I can take! SD has hit this tween behavior waaay too early. She will be 7 next week, and she is already acting like some of my friends' 9 and 10yo's. Really?
Things have been going great between DH and I, and MIL and I have gone out of our way to stay on the same page. But sometimes she still just... URGH! She still is just so intrusive. Just because she sees us driving up town does NOT mean she needs to call us or, worse, show up where we are and join us. What if we want an outing alone as a family? But forget that. Marrying into this family means marrying the ENTIRE family.
So as of this afternoon, the kids have driven me to my breaking point. DH tells me his grandmother is making dinner for everyone, but I ask him to drop me off alone at home so I can cry and just have some time to regroup. I was not planning on this and told him I really was not in a mood to be around a bunch of people and would probably end up in a fight with someone if I went. So I was home alone, cooking dinner for myself, watching a movie, cuddling with my furbabies. Really enjoying my time. And DH calls and says dinner is ready. I tell him I would rather just stay home. But he says everyone is expecting me and cooked a medium rare steak just for me, so I wrap up my food I just cooked and head over there instead.
I ended up having a good time. Until DS had a meltdown. He had already been in trouble multiple times, and this one just took the cake. I was honestly embarrassed. So I brought him home.
DS calms down, falls asleep in my lap, DH comes home, SD ends up staying to spend the night with MIL. I know, though, that if DS had not had to come home that she would not have offered to keep either of the kids or would have whispered in DH's ear asking to keep SD and not DS. With his attitude lately, no one wants to keep him. But they don't even see SD's attitude.
So the night was turning out peacefully, and I was looking forward to spending the evening with DH.
Wrong again. Lots of rain and flash flooding since yesterday have made many roadways unsafe. DH was just getting ready to go on flood duty with the Rescue Squad when he got called out for an accident involving a car going off the road into the water with the occupants still inside. Don't get me wrong. I love that my husband volunteers his time to help others, but sometimes it gets intrusive, too. Not to mention the fact that it is volunteer means that we spend money on it, gas and whatnot, and we are not in a position to do that right now.
So now I am home alone wallowing in lonely self pity. Ugh. Rant over. Let's make tomorrow better.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just an ordinary terrible day VENT
I hope tomorrow goes better. And FWIW I am finding four to be a horrible age for DD and all she does is a combination of the whining AND tween attitude you described rolles into one!
I think you need to work on setting your own boundries. DH obviously doesn't have any. Everyone has expectations that you will jump and allow the ILS to intrude because....you do!
The next time you tell hubby to go without you to his family's home and he calls saying "time for dinner!" Tell him "Sorry, I did not plan on this dinner and will not be joining coming over." When he says "but they cooked steak just for you!" Tell him he can eat it.
Ditto when MIL joins you - - tell her "oh! It was so nice seeing you! Unfortunatly we are having a family dinner. See you some other time!" If your H insists she join you, take the car keys and let MIL drive DH and the kids home!
I am not saying this to beat you up while you are venting, but it seems like you are getting pushed around by your ILS expectations. The world will not end if you don't join them for dinner.
Just because THEY EXPECT something doesn't mean they get it! It is NOT rude- they are the rude ones for calling last minute, expecting you to change plans, joining you when you are out. Are you young? I tried to not make waves, but now I am so sick of my ILS I do what I want, and leave DH to deal with his crazy family. And you know what? When I don't tag along, he can't stand them, either, so we see a lot less of them.
Part of the problem as I see it but of course only how she sees it matters is that she agreed to keep the peace with his Mom. It seems that means her keeping the peace no matter what his Mom does or her marriage could be on the line again.
I do agree that you need to talk to your DH about boundries and that includes his Mom not stalking you and that if she does you can politely say nice running into you and leave without you bein accused of not being nice to her. Or you have to find a way to be ok being the submissive wife that I mentioned a while back worrying he wants. I am back to thinking it is what he wants but you assured me you will never be that person but over time k worry it will happen. Retread what you write and see how it sounds to others b
My problem yesterday was the kids and not having any time to calm down. It was like everything was on high volume all day.
And yes, things are going great with DH. He is upholding his end of the bargain. He really has been trying very hard.
I told DH I did not want to go and wanted to stay home and study. He was disappointed. I pointed out that he often does not travel to see my family with me, and that is only a few times a year. I also reminded him that a while back he told me that I didn't have to go everytime if I didn't want to if that was something that would help me get along with everyone better. And I told him that more than anything, me staying home while he and the kids goto over there gives me a chance to have that me time that I never get or get things like studying or housework done. I reminded that I am the same way with my own family. I live a few hours away from them and do not talk to them all the time. I talk to my GM a couple times a week, my dad every couple of weeks when he can call, my mom once a month of that, and my brother and I text every so often, but I don't talk to anyone else or visit them. I am just not a social person. With family or friends. I like my own space. And I talked to him about feeling like I had married ten people instead of one. I told him I really appreciate everything they do and all their attempts to include me but I just don't like being around people all that much. I told him that I feel like we have no indivual family life with just the four of us, and I did not like that.
He said it was fine, he understood, was glad I was forward with him. So maybe a step in the right direction. Only time will tell how he really feels about what I said, I guess. But communication is the key. Nothing gets fixed if you don't say what the problem is.