AP with first child & 2nd child on the way soon

jeska511

Hello, I hope this is the right spot to post this.Sorry for the length.

 

My son is about to be 2 years old. He is more independent than he use to be but we still AP. For example, he would not let ANYONE watch him expect me, his dad, and my mother. My sister or anyone else would cause him to instantly cry. He is extremely shy!!!I But he is beginning to open up so much more and this has gained us wonders. I just stopped breastfeeding a few months ago! My plan was till he was a year or so but he had other plans. He would continue to feed at night for comfort and it was the only way he would go to sleep since he would not take a bottle or paci. It took a headache but I finally got him night weaned.

 The current problem I am having is the sleeping issue. Since he was a sleepy nurser and I had recovery issues, we co-slept and still continue to do so. He has his own toddler bed but will only lay in it and then get in bed with us. He has fallen asleep in it only once on his own. He is a light sleeper and anytime i try moving him off of me or in his own bed while he is sleeping he wakes up and cries until I pick him back up. Recently, he has changed his sleeping habits and has become even more clingy during sleep; he will wrap his arms around my neck and lay his face on mine etc. While I absolutely love this- I am 7 months pregnant and really need to break him of this habit before his sister gets here. While I would love for him to get in his toddler bed, I would just be happy with him laying on his father instead so I can have the room ( he kicks my belly a lot). The worst thing is not being able to get up out of bed without waking him up and him screaming to stay attached to me. If I have to try and sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the restroom...I have to wait until he is not on me so I can sneak out of the bed....and if he happens to wake up while I am, he cries bloody murder and makes me hold him the whole time I am going potty, which is really difficult with carrying him, being this huge, and having hips issues and in severe pain. I love his cuddling....but i really need to be able to move around without him before the second baby comes along.There are nights when this happens and i have been in so much pain, that I literally want to cry and worry I might get hurt while trying to do it.

How am I going to be able to get out of bed in the middle of the night to tend to the new baby if he wakes up every time and demands I hold him? I will go insane Im sure!!  So while I hate to break off our sleeping connection, I realize I NEED to before his sister gets here in 10 weeks. So, does anyone have any ideas, advice, or similar success stories? I know I can do the whole consistent routine every night by putting him in his bed....but I was just wondering if there were any other tricks. Making his bed awesome doesnt work because he loves it but just doesnt want to sleep in it alone. I cant put a gate or anything up because his bed is at the end of ours sorta so he can just get up and come to ours......help?

TiffanyBerry

I can't tell you what would work - I only have one.

But I've pondered what we would do if we had a second, and my daughter is similar to your son in her sleep habits in many ways (though not so light of a sleeper). 

What I figured I would try for my daughter if we found ourselves in that situation is to teach her that she can either sleep by herself in her room (I sleep there with her now), or sleep by herself in our room (on her own floor mattress, even if it's touching our bed so I can reach down and touch her from ours), and that sleeping with me was no longer an option.  It would entail a lot of crying, I'm sure.  But it would also be a lot of talking about it.  I did already start with requiring her to go to sleep on her own (and this took at least a year and she still has trouble with it many nights), and would continue that.  I would probably have come into her bed if she woke in the night, but then moved again back to my own after a set amount of time, eventually working that time down to just a quick visit and then just talking (no lights, just a "I'm right here.  I know you are sad that you can't sleep on my, but we both need to have our own space right now.  Please go to sleep and we will cuddle more in the morning.")

I hope you get some useful, experienced, advice.  Good luck!

nosoup4u

Can your DH try to do bedtime? I agree that you may have to have a bit of sadness to get him to sleep more independently. I would slowly transition him from sleeping on top of you, to sleeping cuddled up next to you. Do you have a noise machine to muffle sounds? DS1 was a very light sleeper at that age, but he started sleeping better when he moved into his own bed (tho it was still in our room. He never came into bed with us after he transitioned into his own bed, because he didn't want to!).

I think I'd bite the bullet and put him in his own room, even if it meant attending to him a few times a night. Like Metpat said, maybe you and your DH can trade off nights or bedtime or something. Especially falling asleep - it might be easier in the long run if you do the bedtime routine, and DH is with him when lights go out. My kids don't get as needy/clingy with my DH as they do with me.

Kim West's "Good Night, Sleep Tight" might have some good suggestions, too. Hang in there and good luck!