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Blended Families
Fever Blisters
BM called last night she lost her insurance cards again (5th time since october) and needed us to call the information into her pharmacy so SS could get meds. DH asked what was wrong, and she said his fever blisters flaired up again. DH is extreamly upset, we googled fever blisters and find it could be herpies. This is the first time we are hearing about the fever blisters (we only get SS Thanksgiving, Christmas break, and summers). BM is supose to be notifying us with any dr apointments, but does not. After talking to his dr, we find out that he has this flare up 2-3 times a year since he was 5. Dr says they have not checked for herpies, and couldnt give DH a reason why SS was getting these, when it is on his genetals. We are planning on doing a blood test to see if it actually is herpies when we get him this summer.
I just sick right now thinking what this poor little boy is going to have to deal with
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Fever Blisters
SS's dr is not concerned and did not call CPS. DH called them, but we need to have a blood test done to be sure what it is first. Dr told DH it wasnt anything to be concerned about, they live in rural Iowa. I called DS's dr and he wants SS in as soon as we get him to get the blood test done. He told us if it was herpies from the blood test they HAVE to call CPS and they will typically check out both homes and go from there.
The not calling you about the appointment I totally get and understand. BM never calls us either and she is supposed to.
But the fever blisters, why get all worked up over it when you don't have any real information yet? I am sure when you spoke to the doctor they could have told you if they were fever blisters (on mouth) or a genital rash. I am also sure you read that as much as 85 percent of the population has the herpes simplex virus in their system. If he is getting fever blisters he has herpes, but truthfully it could have come from anywhere. I would try to calm down about it until you get a chance to talk to the dr in person.
He has actual blisters on his genitals an no where else on his body. We recieved all of SS's dr records since birth, and he has been seen for this 2-3 times a year since he was 5. he also was seen by the same Dr for anal bleeding, with his "Father"' present. DH was in the state of North Dakota at the time, and definately not in Iowa. Her BF at the time took him in and claimed to be his father.
This is our concern. SS is 7!
We have not gone to court over this. We just found out this information this morning, that this is something that is reoccuring. Dr says it is a cold sore type and not to worry, but why on the genitals and no where else is our question, and the Dr could not answer that. This is the 3 time this year he has been seen for this, and 2 times last year. DH asked why they didnt call CPS, and the dr said becaues he has known BM since she was a child and didnt want to cause issues with her family. We are waiting to hear back from our attorney.
Our attorney feels we should wait for any action until after we get the blood test done when we get SS for the summer. If it is either type of herpies, then we will go forward with a custody fight. BM has been messing up alot lately. Sunday we were skyping with SS and her BF left the house (we heard him say good bye) then BM came into the room and told SS she was going to go bowling with some friends and would be back later. DH asked SS who was home with him, and he no one, but BF would be back shortly. DH kept SS on Skype while i called the police, but BF came back before they got there and told him they could not leave a 7 year old alone, but did nothing else. He as home alone for a total of 45 minutes.
If the doctor says he is not concerned, then I would try to hang on to that thought. Certainly do your own research as you wait for blood test results. Talk with YH and decide on courses of action for a few possible scenarios.
I way waffled on that too Felles. I think what tipped me over the edge was the doctor knowing BM since she was a child and not wanting to create an issue for BM. That does not sound like a resounding "there are no issues here".
Seeing that you did not immediately call CPS AND the police I will call MUD. If by chance this is not MUD then you guys suck at protecting him for not calling the police already because a child does not get genital herpes and anal bleeding without abuse. And no doctor is giving you any information on the phone if you are not listed and they certainly would not tell you they cannot give more information because they are on his genitals but then send you the info!
Yeah, but I think there is a huge difference between not wanting to make an issue and sweeping possible abuse (because that's what we're talking about right?) under the rug.
If that's what he's doing, it would be the end of this guy's career. I just cannot imagine any doc I have known or seen as a patient lying about something like this to cover for a friend. Not because they are necessarily such incredibly ethical/moral people, but the risks are just too big.
I have no trouble imagining the doc might be giving BM the benefit of the doubt. So even if all the blood tests come back neg, I would absolutely get a second opinion from a doc you select.
Blisters on genitals + anal bleeding = get your a$$ to wherever this kid is and put your own eyes and doctor's on the case. Hopefully it is nothing but honestly....this sounds way bigger than let's sit around and think about it and wait till summer.
Currently we live 16 hours away from SS and DH is 22 hours away from him right now. Iowa CPS has been notified, but said unless we can prove anything they will just do a home inspection and an interview of the child. Yes, we do know the Dr is not doing his job. He is an older doctor, in a small town of less than 1,000 people. We do have a counselor lined up for when we get SS, he just has not been acting like himself, he is too quiet when we talk to him, and doesnt really want to talk. SS claims he just wants to get back to COD (this is another issue we have but BM lets him play it at her house). As for the Police not getting there for 45 minutes. The town SS lives in does not have a police department in the actual town. They station is about 30 miles away. our ped told us they are supose to report if they suspect abuse. If they do not suspect abuse, a dr does not have to report it. My guess is the dr feels BM is a good mom, and would not do anything to her child. the dr told DH that fever blisters are common in their area. Yes we need to get our attorney to get us a visit of SS so we can see for ourselves what is going on, but if Dh tries to see SS and BM does not want him to ( or if it is not our time) then she keeps SS from DH. She has done this all SS's life, and DH has had to fight to see him. We can legally get SS May 18, our ped can see him at 8 am on May 20.
I'm sorry but if I suspected any abuse with my child. I would drive wherever they were and take them to a doctor/urgent care/ER whatever with the medical records for a second opinion ASAP. I don't care if it's my CO'ed time or not. I would go check them out of school and get it done.
I seriously doubt any court is going to hold it against any parent for seeking immediate treatment for possible abuse. I would not wait a month....
You said something about the blisters being common there, did you call the Health department and ask? I would think they would know something like that.
I would not take this doctors word for it as he already has said questionable things. I would also make sure your husband gets that medical report corrected as it was not him who brought his son in for the bleeding. The last thing he needs is for the abuse to be pointed at him.
Was CPS told of the blister and bleeding or just the blisters. Being told of both may have pushed them to be more active.
EFF CPS they are just another system. GET IN THE CAR and do whatever it takes to get there ASAP. Like pp said even if it means checking him out of school to get him to a different dr. I'll take contempt any day over possibly another month of ??????????????????
You are even adding more red flags with the change in personality noted. Get DH to GO! NOW!!
It is not completely outside the realm of possibility that the child got herpes transferred to his genital area during diaper changes or through hand transfer. It is also not outside of the realm of possibility that the child became constipated at some point and there was blood in his stool. But the combination of those symptoms would make me very, very worried. Add in a personality change and my concern would be off the charts.
First question: how was the child exposed to herpes? My mother unwittingly exposed me to herpes simplex as a young child. Did BM ever have oral herpes? Did the boy ever have an oral herpes outbreak? Does the boyfriend have herpes?
Second question: Where on the genitals are these outbreaks?
Third question: Can you talk to his teacher? Perhaps she has noticed something. Perhaps he has commented to her about the herpes outbreaks and she can report it. Herpes outbreaks are uncomfortable -
Personally, I would not wait the three weeks until summer vacation. I would review the CO and see if there are any limitations on when you can visit. If you can get to the boy earlier, I would immediately take the child to a large city hospital for a full exam. Even if you can't get there sooner, I would ask for a full copy of the boy's medical records from that pediatrician so you have all the information on the previous outbreaks. Not that I think the doctor is actually keeping excellent records, but it could be proof for court later.
If the independent exam yields unfortunate results, I would file for an immediate protective order. I would ask that the mother and the boyfriend both be tested for herpes. I would get the police report of the child welfare visit.
May 20th are you kidding me???
First off, no not all BM's are bad. In our case, she is, DH has had to fight her for every little hour he gets, and in Iowa, we were told by the Judge that unless BM went to Jail, we would not get custody, because being with mom is more important than dad. Second we only found out about the bleeding and previous outbreaks yesterday when we recieved the history from the Doctor. Third, yes we did call CPS before we recieved the papers from the dr, and only knew about the blisters, they told us if a doctor has said they are just fever blisters, then it is not enough to start a case. If you read my origional post, I said the doctor and BM called them fever blisters, and when we googled fever blisters herpies came up. I did not go from fever blisters to herpies in various posts. I started posting yesterday morning, and when we found out more information (as in he had rectal bleeding over a year ago) then i added that in as well. SS's not wanting to talk to us, is BM's doing. Since we had him at Christmas, we have only been able to talk to him 6 times (we have it in the CC that we get to skype every sunday at 6 and DH gets to call him Tuesday and Thursday nights and then can call the other nights if BM and SS are not busy). BM will not answer her phone and will not answer skype. BM told the mediator that SS does not want to talk to DH and she is not going to force him too. We have been recording the skype when we get to, because during the conversations SS begs DH to let him live with us so he can play soccer and wrestle because BM wont let him play sports because she does not want to have to take him.
Um, yes you did jump from fever blisters to now this child has blisters on his genitals. See above bolded. Fever blisters and gentile herpes are very different. I would assume that since you already despise your BM that if your SS really did have blisters on his genitals that you would have said that in your opening statement. My suspicion is that your original post did not elicit the response you were hoping for, so you made it more dramatic by trying to infer there is some sort of sexual contact going. You also started throwing out all kinds of random facts that have nothing to do with this case, but futher bash your BM. I guess this would all be more believable if you weren't posting on here and taking action for your SS.
I am also not sure what your level of understand is regarding HSV I and II, but it is completely possible to have fever blisters and not have a sexually transmitted disease. I also would think that if your DH has suspicions of sexual misconduct with your SS that you guys would have intervened immediately. He!! would freeze over before I allowed my child to continue to be in an environment that suspect abuse. Good luck and again I pray your SS gets the help he needs.
Guess what. CPS, over three years later, still has not done a dang thing. Everything that has happened has been through our attorney, BM has NEVER been charged with anything, and only been contacted by a social worker ONCE for filthy living conditons, not sexual abuse allegations. The other two children had to move to another state with their father before CPS intervened, and THAT state's agency protected them and investigated their case but still found insufficient evidence to charge her with anything, just enough to place a permanent injunction on visitation.
We are STILL fighting this battle now!
You have a LONG UPHILL BATTLE ahead. It will be hard. Do NOT dismiss anything you find suspicious. I would rather be safe than sorry, even if it sounds cliche. I would rather someone hate me for trying to protect my child, ANY child, than to hate me for doing nothing. Ask yourself what if it is true.
Demand that your attorney file for a test to be court ordered. Now! Call the CPS abuse and neglect hotline, not an office, NOW! And do not mention anything about custody or custodial party to them. Call their local police authority and file a report. Do not let them tell you they cannot gey involved. Tell them you want to file a report of suspicion and request a welfare check. This will start a paper trail. Then do NOT let up until you have answers.
I'm don't "belong" here, but I'm chiming in anyway. Anal bleeding + genital blisters=enough suspicion that the child is being abused. Maybe he's not, but this is a case in which you don't proceed cautiously. You make a fuss and pray to God you are wrong.
Don't call CPS and say, "He has blisters." Call CPS and say, "I have suspicions that this child's being molested." When they ask why, list the factors, anal bleeding, blisters on genitals, etc. Cal and call and call until something is done. If they don't, call someone else in the state that has authority. If you don't pursue this and he is being molested, then you are just as responsible.
Thank God the Court did something about this! Let us know the results!