DH spends too much — The Bump
Military Families

DH spends too much

So my DH and I have a VERY tight budget due to the fact that he has no self control when it comes to spending.  Right now he is deployed and even without him here we spend almost every DOLLAR of our paycheck on bills and absolute necessities.  (Before this he was getting cash advances every month bc he would overspend and then I'd need groceries or diapers etc.) Most of that is credit card debt.  He allotted me a specific amount for groceries and gas every month ($400) and $100 for ANY thing extra that might come up for a total of $500.  This EASILY gets spent on things we need and I am extremely frugal. We have a little girl so she needs things here and there.  Last time she got sick that was $32 in over the counter type stuff. 

 My problem is this.  He does everything he can to spend a few dollars here and there.  He bounces between spending money in our main account before bills come out to using credit cards, to using another account he has set up that I don't have access to, to overdrafting.....it's HORRIBLE!  He tells me he isn't going to spend any money and then he does.  I want him to have what he needs but we are so BROKE.  After our bills are paid this paycheck we have $8!!  We just got paid 2 days ago.  We have money for groceries and gas but absolutely nothing else bc he spent $60.  Meanwhile, he lowered the automatic payment on one of our credit card bills and then took the difference and transferred it to another account ($30).  I emailed him to ask to "be sure" instead of just blaming him (since it just says "transfer".  I want to believe he has a legit excuse but I know he doesn't.  That's $90 while my daughter and I have $8.... I've been here pregnant and taking care of a toddler.  I can't even afford to go buy a coffee but he eats out several times a week and drops in Dunkin Donuts 1-2x a week himself.

 I am sitting here in tears.  I *could* technically contact his command but that would be REALLY bad.   He's been in 16 years so this would probably look worse than if  he was a really young guy newly married that was making these kinds of mistakes and just had to learn....know what I mean?

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Re: DH spends too much

  • You need financial counseling together.  Like, yesterday.  

    Also, you need to look out for your child.  If the money is really as tight as you say it is and you don't have any extra money around for emergencies or anything with you

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  • I'm so confused why he needs to be spending like that while he's deployed. You need to get help now because if you're getting used to the deployment allowances and basing your lifestyle off of that, its going to be a rude awakening once he returns and tho

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  • Go see a financial counselor, now.  Where we are, Army Community Services has them for free. And, to be honest, if my husband was spending so much that he'd even lower the automatic payment on our credit card, I'd take it to his command. Sometim
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  • I second the suggestion to go talk to the folks at ACS.  They have financial decision making resources available and may be able to suggest people to talk to to help your DH see the severity of your situation without involving his chain of command

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  • I agree with every one else.  Y'all need to be in the office of a financial counselor ASAP.  

    I also agree with what Beachy said. After 16 years in, he should be making a decent amount of money. My husband is an E6, about to be promoted

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  • Why would you get pregnant again knowing how dire your financial situation is? That's selfish and completely irresponsible.

    With that said, why doesn't HE get an allowance while YOU control the bank account? It makes no sense for him to have full

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  • Contact a financial adviser ASAP. If your husband doesn't want to go to the local military service USAA (everyone military is eligible) has a service with Member Advice and Solutions called the Financial Improvement Team. When I worked for USAA we woul

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  • I think you need to talk to him.  Sometimes people spend money on deployment as a distraction from their current situation and stress.  If he can find another way to spend his time, he won't feel the need to keep spending so much money.  Yo
  •  Ok...so sounds like going to his command would not be fruitful if the mortgage is paid (it is automatically withdrawn) and we have food....which we do.  I literally JUST put money in savings from a check we just got randomly out of no where.

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  • image arcook0307:

     Ok...so sounds like going to his command would not be fruitful if the mortgage is paid (it is automatically

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  • image GhostMonkey:
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  • image Emilia0101:
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  • While there is merit in Lissa's comment, the delivery was harsh. Very few people will take heed of any advice, even expert advice, when they are put on the defensive.

    As far as the term "bullying" being overused, that maybe the case. But
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    Our IVF miracle was born at 41w6d while Daddy was deployed to Iraq.
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  • image Smudges*Mom:
    While there is merit in Lissa's comment, the delivery was harsh. Very few people will take heed of any advice, e
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