hard time with births

ann_jeremiah

I wouldn't say that I'm having depression of any sort... but it makes me sad to think of both of my birthing experiences.

DS1 - born with the assistance of the vacuum and a nurse pushing on the top of my belly after almost 24 hours of being in labor in the hospital and more than 3 hours of pushing.

DS2 - born via c-section after off and on labor all day and then consistent labor for 9 hours.. attempted to deliver without an epidural for about 45 minutes, because the anesthesiologist didn't get there in time. Baby was stuck and heart rate was dropping, so I was taken for an emergency c-section.

After DS1 was born, I cried that night thinking I could never go through labor/delivery again. and DS1 would be the one and only. I later convinced myself that the chances of that type of delivery happening again was not very likely... 

 Fast forward to DS2 which ended in an emergency c-section in which I was so terrified that I trembled the entire time. 

Both boys were born healthy... that being said I'm absolutely terrified to have anymore children and it makes me sad... and it makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with my body that I have had difficulty delivering both of my babies. I know it's not me... both babies had difficulty dropping.. DS2 did come down when I was in labor, but never beyond the 0 station.. when the C-section was performed they found he was face up and crooked, so I couldn't have delivered him, but I still feel like a failure in all of it. ugh!

 

Sorry... just needed to vent this somewhere. 

 

 

sarahbethski04

You were able to create and nurture 2 healthy babies to term, don't be so hard on yourself! Babies have their own agenda and it just happened that both of yours decided that they needed a little extra help. You did the best you could both times.

steph620

If it makes you feel any better, this baby was my first...and I am considering her being my only. DH has always wanted one baby, and I always refused (I had two sisters and loved having them to play with- DH was an only child but never felt lonely growing

rm2013

Don't feel bad, I feel exactly the same as you, and I've only done it once! I'm just trying to make peace with things not going as expected and focusing on the joy of being a momma but it's been hard. I also worry about trying to do this again! (We had pl